I have posted comments on several blogs challenging Rabbi Yakov Horowitz to forthrightly support molesting victims in going straight to the Police. I was wrong. Rabbi Horowitz explicitly called for going straight to the police in an article in the Jewish Press which was posted on his site in July.
I would add on, don’t delay reporting. Delays interfere with prosecution because evidence gets lost and molesters get time to intimidate other witnesses. If you delay reporting another child may get molested as a result. So if you know about molesting, don’t dither, don’t consult. Just report! Help your child heal and help protect other children.
I will be visiting the other sites where I have misrepresented Rabbi Horowitz’s position to post my correction and to ask the bloggers to delete my incorrect statement.
Rabbi Horowitz and I have important disagreements about how best to fight molesting and how to pay for treatment of those who were molested (See here, here and here)
Right now I just want to say,”I am sorry. I was wrong. I ask you to accept my apology.“
Once again the Agudah is meeting. Once again they continue to obstruct progress. Fresh from their victory in defeating the Markey Bill they don’t even feel obliged to put the issue on their program. We need to send the message, this issue will not go away. We need to picket, wear buttons, drive our cars in with bumper stickers, and distribute literature. Since the events are free why not let the word go forth. Let everybody know that the fight continues. Everyone who attends has chances to ask questions, speak to others alongside him/her, leave literature on tables, or stuff it inside the official literature. Let everyone know that the grass roots support for survivors is growing. Let people know that Agudah is losing its base.
I am offering these slogans off the top of my head. My strength is writing long stuff not advertising copy. So I am sure there are many of you that can do better. I am just offering these slogans to get us started. Please add on your ideas in the comments. I will fold them into the list. Lets hear from you on what you like. It really doesn’t matter which one you choose as long as you choose to stand up and let others know the views of erliche yidn. Our biggest problem is not with those who are covering up. The problem is that too many decent people are staying silent. If you take the step, it may lead the person next to you to do a little more. Eventually everyone will know that most decent Jews are demanding change. Then it will really start to happen
USE: Feel free to use without copyright and all that nonsense. Reproduce these in any forms that work: buttons, bumper stickers, flyers, signs, flyers, etc. While you are at it, make extras and give them out.
DON’T LET AGUDAH LEAVE PEOPLE WITH THE IMPRESSION THAT THE ISSUE HAS DIED OUT.
- Markey Might Have Prevented Motty’s Death
- Why Isn’t Molesting On The Program
- Stamp Out Home Grown Toevah
- Rabbonim Who Care, Declare! “Go To The Police”
- Motty Borger, A’H
- Save Our Children
- Lashon Horah Shouldn’t Protect Pedophiles
- They Usually Do It More Than Once!
- Its Time To Beg Mechilah From The Victims
- Support Our Victims And Listen To Them!
- Listen To Shua
- Rabbonim Who Care, Dare!
- Passaic Is Clean!
- Therapy Is Good: Agudah Should Go!
- There Are Gravesites From Which We Must Beg Mechilah
- Nezek, Tzaar, Ripui, And Boshes
- Listen To Nuchem
- Kasher Our Mikvas: Kick Out The Molesters!
- Keep Our Schools Kosher: Kick Out The Molesters
- I Am A Machmir On Pikuach Nefesh: I Fight Molesting
- No Hechsherim For Molesters
- Children First!
- Molesting Is A Shonda Fahr De Yidn
- Don’t Sweep Molesting Under The Rug
- The War Against Toevah Starts At Home
- Yeridah For Mondrowitz, Not Aliyas
- Stop The Suicides
- Let The D.A. Do His Job
- Prosecuting Molesters Is Not A Power Grab
This posting addresses an article which will appear in the Jewish Press but already has appeared, with permission on several websites including Harry Maryles Emes Ve-Emunah, where I had an exchange with Rabbi Twerski in the comments section. The context of their article which calls for therapy for sex abuse victims is the recently reported suicide of a chosson who was molested. This has been the subject of another posting on this website.
FOLLOWUP:
1. Vicki Polin of the Awareness Center has posted some excellent replies in the comments below. Thank you, Vicki;
2. Rabbi Horowitz has opened up his comments section to some of these issues at his site, where I have posted some more comments.
I am open to giving over blog posting space to the reactions of others with bonafides for dealing with these issues.
***************
Dear Rabbis Horowitz and Twerski
Your article does a good job of encouraging therapy for those who are molested. On a previous occasion I accused you of promoting therapy after-the-fact but not doing enough to end the plague of molesting. Perhaps I was unfair. Please prove me wrong with your answers to these questions
- Paying for therapy. Many families do not have insurance which will cover the costs of therapy. Are those who molest liable for the costs of therapy? If so, how can that obligation be enforced? If an organization willfully disregards the molesting of one of its employees is it responsible for paying for therapy? If so, how can that obligation be enforced? If a rav or communal organization through incompetence, neglect, or deliberate fraud perpetuated a molester’s ability to molest, are they responsible for repairing the damage? If so how can that obligation be enforced? As a practical matter do you expect any rapid progress in getting culprits and enablers to pay the costs of therapy? Will you advocate for payment by culprits when necessary? Is it OK to expose molesters who have stopped if that is the only way to secure payment for therapy or is the kovod of the molester more important than the treatment of the victim? Would you favor a communal self-assessment to assure payment for treatment until the community has rooted out molesting? Since victim assistance programs will pay for therapy do you support reporting sex crimes to civil authorities so they can get financial support for therapy?
- When is the Internet OK? When an individual is aware of substantiated molesting that cannot be stopped through the community’s established mechanisms, is it OK to use anonymous Internet blogs to protect children?
- Are there rabbonim who can be trusted? Can you identify any rabbonim who have issued clear statements in specific cases that individuals should report the problem to civil authorities? If so, who are these rabbonim? If such rabbonim exist but won’t be identified, how can families know where to go?
- Avoiding rabbonim with poor records in these matters. A number of rabbonim have made mistakes in the past that have harmed others grievously. Do you feel such individuals should ask for mechilah directly from every individual who was hurt by their actions? Are you aware of any such instances? Can you tell us about them, even if not by name? If such rabbonim are still acting in this arena, do you feel they should be stopped? If so, can you identify them so families will not be hurt by relying on bad advice?
- Why isn’t reporting to the police the best way to stop a molester? If you don’t go to the police what is to prevent a molester from moving elsewhere and molesting others?
- Can molesters be trusted when they claim they have stopped molesting? Does the research support the likelihood that molesters voluntarily can and will stop themselves? If so, how likely is such tshuvah?
- The role of public witness by survivors. Should victims have the right to share their stories? Does such testimony help educate and sensitize the public? Is it proper to sanction victims for telling their stories? Do you feel the event held Passaic’s Ahavas Israel was a useful educational event? Would you encourage people to listen to the audio recording of the event? Would you encourage more such events?
- Mandated Reporting. Would you support changing the law so yeshivas meet the same standards as public schools in preventing and reporting molesting?
- “Markey Bill. Since we know many victims have not reported their molesting to date, would you support extending the statute of limitations and creating a one year-one time special exemption so we can protect the community and provide justice to those whose victimization was covered up in the past?
- False Accusations. How often have younger children made false accusations which hurt those they accused? How often have accusations been dismissed when turned out to be true. How often do adolescents falsely accuse adults in the frum community? How often were legitimate accusations dismissed. On the balance would you say most accusations are legitimate or false? Is there any reason not to say that when in doubt we give such complaints a presumption of truth (yesh raglayim l’davar) barring evidence to the contrary.
Thank you in advance for your willingness to address these critical questions. I am eager to hear answers that will put my concerns to rest.
Yerachmiel Lopin
This generation is zocheh to have many tzadikim thanks to rebbe inflation. Once upon a time Tzaddik had a son who became the rebbe and he might be recognized as a tzadik. But now our Rebbes have many children and son-in-laws. They all become Rebbes and they are all tzadikim. Korach got it wrong. He should have asked “for are we not are all Rebbes?” Virtually the only one not affected by this plague was the Lubavitcher Rebbe, because, like Korach, he was a talmud chochum who was swallowed alive.
In contrast, consider the Lelover Rebbe who died on Yom Kippur. As we were informed by the story in YeshivahWorld, All Three Sons of the Lelover Rebbe Crowned as Rebbes.
“The Elders announced that all three sons will lead with R Eliyahu remaining in Bnei Brak, R’ Aaron in Beit Shemesh and R’ Yaakov, the youngest of the brothers, in Yerushalayim.” (This was announced even before the sons had confirmed their willingness to accept the assignments. The explanation comes later in the story.) “The elders expressed their hope that the followers of the late Rebbe zt”l will accept the decision and there will not, chas v’sholom, be dispute and even worse, a breaking away and the creation of factions.”
This is what ran through their minds “We know what wannabes we are dealing with. Perhaps if we divide up the territory like Mafia dons they will comply and not try to muscle into territory we have not assigned them. Even so we better wag our fingers and admonish them to not go after each other.” Who can blame the elders? They had witnessed the Satmar wars.
The first Satmarer Rebbe was a tzadik. He was a fanatic anti-zionist But e was extremely learned, utterly truthful, clever and wise, generous to all who needed charity and a father to each of his Chassidim. When he died his followers cried for him because he was a father to all of them. He had no descendents when he died. In his last years he was very ill and the movement was really run by his rebetzin and a circle around her. She did not like the heir-apparent, his nephew the Sigheter Rebbe because the nephew had urged the Rebbe to divorce her.
After the Rebbe died, the rebetzin’s circle asked the nephew to renounce the position. He cleverly said ‘I can not renounce what is not mine. All I want is what is mine by the halachah of inheritance, the Rebbe’s tallis and tephilin.’ In no time at all he took over the shop.
He had two sons who learned chassidus from their Daddy. But they were real go-getters who weren’t going to wait until Daddy was gone, especially as Daddy’s health and mental status declined. Quicker than you can say “lawsuit” they were in civil court each insisting “Daddy is all mine.” Supposedly this was a fight about having the privilege of tending to him. But as anyone who has learned the mishnah of shnayim ochzu knows, they were each claiming property rights and in the end the Tallis was divided. Now one has Williamsburg and the other has Monroe/Kiryas Yoel. They still fight over buildings, and even obstruct burials. Both of them better keep their marbles till their last breath or they are in for some rude surprises. They would probably both do well to read King Lear in the Yiddish version produced by maskillim, Der Kaenig Lear.
This has also happened in Bobov, Klausenberg and other Chassidic lines. Think of the yerushah of Reb Michoel Ber Wessmandl. He was a holocaust hero who saved thousands of lives. He is recognized as a tzadik by everyone from Satmar to the Zionists and Aish Hatorah. The thing is, he wasn’t a chosid. Now his descendents have turned themselves chassidish so they can apply the new rules to divide up an inheritance that Reb Michoel Ber never claimed. One of them is now the Nitra Rebbe-Monsey. Hyphens are proliferating like chumros. Sometimes they divide continents; sometimes they take different cities. At the rate things are going, they will be dividing Boro Park into quadrants.
Jews used to hope that when a tzadik died another would be born. But in our forward-looking times, the next generation is ready in multiples. The generations may be descending morally, but the pool of tzadikim is growing faster than the population of a rabbit warren. Seriously, when will we admit that tzidkus is rare but rebbe wannabes are more numerous than profitable hechsherim? When will we admit that Madoff was a piker and the ultimate Ponzi scheme is being enacted in the chassidishe world? (Litvish corruption is an issue for another post).
Abraham ibn Ezra wondered how Moses could have praised himself by saying he was the most modest of men. Nowadays that question never arises. Such modesty has become less common than a package with only one hechsher.
Stopping the Molesting Chain
11/17/2009
Unfortunately, molesting begets molesting. Those who are molested sometimes become molesters themselves. I wrote about this recently in a biographical post. It is also an issue that figures in my post about Motty and Shmuel Borger. I can only wonder how many of our current molesters were themselves molested. We may be in the second generation of this phenomenon. Perhaps it reaches back further. Every time molesting is covered up we are condemning a child to both their suffering as victims and the potential burden and tragedy of becoming victimizers. We must break these chains!
Weekly Roundup (11/14/09)
11/15/2009
Most postings in FrumFollies are triggered by something I read. I don’t have time to convert most of these web sightings into articles. So I will start sharing them through weekly roundups.
Giving Voice to the Victims of Child Molesting. Joel Engelman was included in the Forward’s annual list of America’s 50 most influential Jews. Jane Eisner writes:
it’s not . . . spiritual and communal leaders who are leading the charge to protect the most vulnerable. Instead, a small but determined group of sexual abuse survivors have dragged the issue from the shadows into the light, often at great personal cost. Joel Engelman, 24, is one such survivor.
To understand the importance of listening to survivors check out this mp3 of an evening devoted to the testimony of five survivors. It runs over 2 hours and will probably keep you riveted. The recording was first posted by theUnorthodoxJew and FailedMessiah right after Yom Kippur. Listening to it moved me to start my blog before Sukkot. Kudos to Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman of Congregation Ahavas Israel of Passaic for hosting the event and being a frum communal leader who is genuinely addressing the problem. A recent writeup of this event by the Jewish Week, continues their string of important stories about child molesting. Email them to thank them for their coverage.
Molesting Leads to Another Suicide. The continuing tragedy of child molesting led to the suicide of a Motty Borger, a groom on his second day of married life. Matzav has posted a recorded message by Motty’s father which I am posting here. It completely evades the issue of suicide let alone molestation and asks people to get along and end any fights and grudges they may have carried. I suppose that could be his way of forgive and forget about molesting. My heart goes out to his family and bride. But I don’t think any of them will be well served by granting unearned forgiveness. Instead we need a genuine purge of the molesters. If forgiveness is needed it should consist of all those who covered up molesting going to Motty’s grave and begging his forgiveness in front of a minyan. This is our tradition when we sin against someone and they are no longer alive. But true repentance requires assuring the sin won’t happen again.
Rubashkin is Convicted. At last the trial of Shalom Rubashkin is over. He has been found guilty of 89 charges of bank fraud, making false statements to a bank, wire fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, aiding of abetting, and being late in payments to cattle sellers. This story has been exhaustively uncovered and followed by Shmarya Rosenberg on his website Failed Messiah. Failed Messiah regularly covers the full array of ultra orthodox shenanigans and posts the various sources in full.
The Elyashiv Elevator Ban Went Up and Back Down. After banning Shabbat elevators, Rabbi Elyashiv backed down when other rabbis pointed out that they could be sued for approving apartment purchases in tall buildings. (see the last sentence in the article).
Marek Edelman Z’L, Leader of the Warsaw Ghetto Rebellion Died at Age 90 in Poland. You may not know his name because he was a Bundist who stayed in Poland. When the first leader of the rebellion, Mordechaj Anielewicz, committed suicide, he took the reins and held them till further action was impossible. Read this obituary in the Economist and this appreciation by Moshe Arens in Haaretz. I especially recommend his long, very informative account of the rebellion. Instead of cliches and propaganda you will get history. It will give you a better understanding of the heroism and wisdom that coexisted with terrible failures of leadership. Marek, rest in peace.
Matzav reported on November 11 that Right Turn Only signs were put up in error but have now been removed. Funny, I thought that was Beth Medrash Govoha (BMG) policy.
