A Friend of the Victim’s Family Talks About Meir Dascalowitz- Guest Post by Pearl Engelman
I, along with many others, was in the courtroom this morning in support of the mother of the victim of Meir Dascalowitz.
There is so much sadness to this case. On the one hand I saw the mother crying bitter tears, saying that every time she looks at her child’s molester she thinks of the hard, hard work she and her husband put into this (special needs) child and how it all went down the drain because of this molester. How much terrorization and pressure from the community they have to deal with on a daily basis as if they were the criminals and not the other way around. How much trouble they’ve been subjected to by the ACS! The terrible injustice of it all. We all stood around her listening, empathizing, and consoling as best as we could.
Then I looked across the room at the accused, Meir Dascalowitz – a young man with a young wife and a new baby. Then the tragedy of this case struck me!
Dascalowitz was well known for his alleged sex abuse compulsions going back to his teen years! There was a running joke in the community to stay away from him. How did it come to pass that the POWERS THAT BE, who now fully support him – and by this I mean pulling political strings for him behind the scenes – did not see or think or act for his benefit and try to help him get treatment for his compulsion? Was it because the prevailing attitude amongst men in our community was (and still is); it’s not such a big deal? Children forget; it won’t harm them. Every second person can tell you of a similar experience. When I asked why my son’s molester was re-hired as a rebbi of 9 year olds, one of the administrators of UTA told me, “Oh, on a scale of 1-10 it was only a 2 or a 3, so the dayanim decided it was OK to rehire him.” On a scale of 1-10 see how much harm was done to my son)
In our community, there is staggering willful ignorance of the damage done to sexually abused young children. This directly contributes and leads to the heartbreaking tragedy I witnessed today in the courtroom. I would put the POWERS THAT BE alongside the accused to stand trial for their misdeeds. I would do this because they turned a blind eye to someone like Dascalowitz and let him run rampant among children. They arrogantly pretend we don’t have a problem. They shift molesters from one yeshiva to another. When parents complain about a suspect rebbi they threaten to throw all their other children out of the yeshiva. And they deliberately stand in the way of educating parents about these issues. For all this they should also stand trial and sit in the defendant’s chair in the courts.
Amen.
I keep saying. I did not leave the chasidih community because I was molested, but because the rabbi in the kehilah and the Menahl rejected me. Whatever happened with Kol ysiroel arevim
Pearl, my heart goes out to you as a mother and to your son as a victim, who had to endure a vicious attack on his innocents. Words escapes me, I cannot describe the pain a mother has to bear, and still has the willpower to continue helping other parents to; one, cope with this issue, two helping parents to see the tell tale signs that when noticed early enough, that could reduce molestations in your community. May you have the strength, to keep up the good work.
Leo, thank you for your encouragement and kind words.
My son’s suffering as a childhood molestation victim and later as a victim of heartless betrayel by UTA when they rehired his molester as soon as the statute of limitations expired, has motivated us both to advocate for awareness and education of heimishe parents in understanding the dynamics of the education system’s unwillingness to protect their own children. Our agonizing experience has taught us that the schools and yeshivas will not protect children; witness the re-hiring of a Melamed who failed the yeshiva’s lie-detector test and had many other known victims besides my son!
Along with raising awareness, we both also try to support and be Mechazek these tormented parents undergoing the tribulations of the court system, and the horrible anguish of having their community turn against them, when in reality the entire Torah community should stand with them during this ordeal!
And Leo, you, in your own right have been through plenty; may the Almighty give you strength to keep up your courage and continue your important work!
Pearl, Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being the backbone and support for victims of abuse and their families. You are the sheep in a wolves den – not giving up the fight. Your courage and perseverance is so inspiring! I second every word Leo said. You are a role model to all of us and keep up the wonderful work that you do!!!
Mrs. Engelman, it was an honor meeting you in support of the victims on the Dascalowitz case. It is the Nashim Tzidkonios that will strengthen the bond between the rejects, turning it into an strong community of the righteous.