Using the REBS Rate to Solve the Shidduch Crisis

For those not in the know, the shidduch crisis is a state of the art term in the Ultra Orthodox world for the fact that there are a number of old maids (over 22 years of age) who cannot find suitable mates. The ideal suitable mate is a male immersed in torah learning, and willing to let himself be supported by all and sundry. These prize catches prefer younger women (e.g, less than 22, preferably 18-19). If they had their way they would also get the taller women shortened because it turns out yeshiva men honor the Torah by not letting woman tower above them. In fact it is an unstated piece of yeshiva lore that eye-to-eye is an indecent position between husband and wife. They also feel entitled to wealthier women with distinguished lineages (which pretty much precludes a convert or a baalat tshuvah).

The great rabbis of this world have declared this a crisis. They have proclaimed days of prayer, urged greater modesty, told women to be less picky, and of course promoted the cure-all, learning. However, they are not content to rest on their laurels because, alas, the problem persists.

Eureka!  The New York Post has revealed their latest initiative in its article, irreverently titled, Dreidel Robbers.  A directive has been issued to matchmakers to not let younger girls hitch up with older guys. Their ways are discreet. Sixty of them signed and it was privately distributed. Who could have known that Yenta the matchmaker would betray them. But we now have a copy of the text.

The rabbis can ban things to their hearts’ content and their world usually falls in line. But weddings are an area when they have less impact. When was the last time an excessive wedding of the wealthy elite of the community led to shame for the wedding sponsors or was not graced by droves of influential rabbis? A measure they impose on matchmakers is a sham. It won’t be executed.

There is something they could do. They could just issue an injunction to girls/women in their schools. Don’t get married till you are 20 years of age. With enough women removed from the marriage pool, the crisis would be resolved. Sooner or later the bochurim would marry older girls, perhaps even women.

They could implement the decision by creating a rate similar to the Fed rate for interest. They could announce the allowable marriage age on a quarterly basis. The group implementing the rate would be called the REBS, short for Rabbinical Education and Bans for Shidduchim. To assist long term planning they could signal anticipated changes by announcements in Hamodia’s financial section. Picture the headline: Harav Unterfeerher announced 1 month  drop in the marriageable age. The rate would be based on leading indicators including caterer reservations, wedding ring purchases, apartment and house purchase deposits, demand for silver ritual items, and shas orders. Naturally, as always, the final numbers would be subject to final data from a Quarterly Shadchan Survey (QSS).

There is another solution. They could educate girls to grow up into women with a stronger preference for men who support themselves. They could also educate boys and young men to aspire to be self-supporting and dramatically reduce the sizes of their yeshivas. Perhaps they could fulfill kovei item for parnassah as practiced by rabbis such as the tanah Yochanan Hasandel (shoemaker) or the kabalist R Kaduri (bookbinder), the Ari Hakodesh (spice trader) or Maimonides (physician).

Then the disgrace of manipulating marriage matches for financial advantage could be ended and more dollars would flow to support a smaller number of students genuinely suited to to become torah leaders.

Sorry I forgot that very few groups including roshei yeshiva advocate practices that reduce their own influence and income. Besides, with extra time before marriage the women might accumulate too much money (no problem) and too much learning (big problem). What happens when Channie listening in rapture to her prize kollel boy corrects his grammar or recall of a biblical verse? This could damage the social structure.

No, it would be better to pray, mandate longer skirts, criticize pickyness and deliver directives that no one will obey. Oh yes, also announce that our rabbis have taken bold actions, which they cannot reveal. Unmarried woman should remember they are blessed with great ones who worry on their behalf. Alas, no REBS, and no chance for one of these older women to become a rebetzin. Finally, no way to End the Madness.

Postscript- A poignant example of the issues on which rabbonim work so hard was reported by a kiruv worker who had amazing success with several girls’ basketballs teams. Under his influence they were now all chozrim b’thsuvah or converted. Alas they were also poor, tall and old (i.e., 22-25). The kiruv worker proposed setting an example for the community by having the rabbis arrange shidduchim for these girls with their grandsons and their talmidim. The rabbis were very moved and wrote the girls a strong letter of chizuk, Then they hastily signed another letter to matchmakers.

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9 thoughts on “Using the REBS Rate to Solve the Shidduch Crisis

  1. Great post! I’ve always found the idea of being a “cradle robber” a bit revolting. No matter what people say about girls maturing faster than boys, there is still a large gulf between the maturity and intelligence/intellectual prowess of a 19 year old freshback from Shana Aleph and someone who is 22-3, almost/already finished with undergrad and has a clearer picture of what her future will be.

  2. A Haredi entrepreneur, Moshe Pogrow of Queens, created a program called NASI to collect and distribute bonuses to matchmakers who set up matches between older women and younger men. Moshe Pogrow was a speaker at the 2009 Agudah convention but all mention of his initiative seems to have disappeared.

    Links relating to Shidduch crisis Moshe Pogrow of NASI include:
    http://matzav.com/r-shloime-lewenstein-close-in-age-shidduchim-on-the-rise
    http://orthonomics.blogspot.com/2011/11/nasi-5tjt-publishes-response-20-girls.html
    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/a-third-of-litvish-families-i-know-have-one-or-more-single-daughters-25-and-up/page/11

    Moshe Pogrow is not to be confused with Rabbi Meir Pogrow, who lives in Ramat Beit Shemesh and spends about 80% of his time travelling. Officially, Rabbi Pogrow’s business is: mastertorah.com. Meir Pogrow was associated with YULA, Aish Hatorah and Michlalah. His wife Shana, daughter of Rabbi Eliezer Langer of Austin, TX, used to work for Michlalah and now works as the director of the girls’ mentoring program at Yedidim L’tzeirimhttp://yedidim.org/staff.html

    He is considered very bright and charismatic, who attracted young women to work very hard for him doing his curriculum writing. He was considered a guru to some of these young women. At Michlalah, his followers would refer to to work sprees on his behalf as “Pogging.” He is also know for his private counseling

    Pogrow’s Master Torah board includes Rivka C. Nissel, a social worker in Brooklyn.

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