Rabbi Leib Tropper Announces the Formation of Eternal Jewish Tshuvah (Satire)

Rabbi Leib Tropper (who was exposed for trying to pimp potential converts)

Rabbi Leib Tropper (who was exposed for trying to pimp potential converts)

Rabbi Tropper has revealed his real reason for resigning from Eternal Jewish Family (EJF). He is starting up a new organization, Eternal Jewish Tshuvah (EJT). From now on when someone claims they have done tshuvah (repentance) Jews around the world will be able to count on it if it comes with a LL (Leib Letter). Gedolim, like his mentor Rav Pinchas Scheinberg, will guide him in determining when to say nisht geferlich (not terrible). In such instances, an act of tshuvah needlessly causes a chillul hashem. R. Tropper was especially critical of the public confession of Rabbi Yudi Jacobson. He also decried the liberal trend to denounce kanois and kiruv which he feels will leave women with their pants still on.

The gaon R. Tropper, who coined the chidush Yesh Tropper B’aroyos has learned from his experiences and completed his rigorous tshuvah process in the seven days since his EJF resignation was announced. Some say only hakodosh borchu can determine if a tshuvah is complete. But Tropper has superior daas torah and haskomos from gedolim. The tzadik, R. Tropper, supports these gedolim with tremendous tzedakah efforts and expects nothing in return.

Due to misunderstandings with his previous funders he is relying on a commercial endorsement by Ban Underarm Deodorant. They are developing a new advertising campaign aimed at the frum community. Slogans under consideration include: Ban: the Brand Of Kanoim and Ban: Guaranteed To Cover Up The Stink Of Scandals.

Rav Tropper himself has promised to pay attention to all nuances and to expect a vidui complete with pictures, phone numbers, and videotapes. To protect the confidentiality of his communications he has instituted strict security measures. Before applicants meet with him they will be inspected by retired Homeland Security Administration officers and  patted down for recorders, cameras and DNA kits.

If you are interested in a universally approved certificate of tshuvah contact Rabbi Tropper at EJT with contribution to a tzedakah he will designate. This will constitute preliminary proof of your sincerity pending further inquiries with Rav Lipa Margulies and his accountant.

Remember that it is never too late to do tshuvah and it is never too early to start planning for the indictment. Don’t wait until Yom Kippur. It may be too late. Whatever you do, don’t start a machlokes with R. Tropper or he will cancel your tshuvah.

PS- Since writing this post I have been contacted by Rabbi Tropper’s lawyer, Samuel Disbarred Abady. In consultation with Mr Abady I have agreed to post a clarification of my comments.


5 thoughts on “Rabbi Leib Tropper Announces the Formation of Eternal Jewish Tshuvah (Satire)

  1. As the great tzadik Rebbe Sholom of Kaminke said, that the reason why במקום שבעלי תשובה עומדים אין צדיקים גמורים יכולים לעמוד “because it stinks”.

  2. 1. Thats why they should use R. Tropper’s Ban Deodorant.

    2. You are completely confused and your point has no relevance bizmaneinu. You are talking about tzadikkim like in earlier times. R. Tropper has many so called tzadikkim who have fine yichus and will be able to stand alongside his baalei tshuvah because they are gevaldig recipients of tzedakah. We know from a chasidishe vort that not only does shochad blind the eyes, it also stuffs the nose. In fact you only need the eyes to be a dayan if you don’t smell something fishy before they get close.

    Sorry Avrumele but you are wrong about nowadays. The torah does not change, but noses do.

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