Advice On Starting Your Own Blog

I recently encouraged one of my readers with great sense of humor to start blogging. I sent him the following advice.

  1. Don’t aim for long pieces. Readers have the average attention span of laundry machine lint. The goal is 2-4 punchy paragraphs.
  2. Write a statement about yourself and your goals. Then disregard it. Those statements satisfy readers and give you the illusion you know what you are doing. This gives you confidence.
  3. The hardest trick is feeling like you have an audience. After all we really write blogs because we are misanthropes who have no local audience. So we make like sci-fi researchers and beam our stuff into space to imaginary intelligent species elsewhere.
  4. Nevertheless, the illusion of having an interested audience and an interesting idea or grievance stimulates us to unleash our verbal talents. So imagine any target or topic that makes you feel like talking. Once you have completed the set up, let loose. Don’t pause while writing. Just return to edit.
  5. When you have your first posting let me know and I will give you free publicity. This will increase your readership by fifty percent (assuming you are married). Naturally you will be obliged to acknowledge me as your mentor until they finally pry the keyboard out of your hands at the chevrah kadishah. I expect to be included in your will. If you agree to those conditions I will write an haskamah for your blog.
  6. Seriously, Hatzlachah! Go for it! At worst I will mercifully exploit your weaknesses and mock you in your comments section. That of course will be for your benefit as I can see you have a gift for repartee.
  7. Don’t wait too long; it could be weeks before your next good scandal.


P.S. Be a big guy by being mean to the bad guys and only gently mocking the foibles of little people.


10 thoughts on “Advice On Starting Your Own Blog

    • If you mean Yerachmiel Lopin, (not Remus Lupin of Harry Potter) I have worked my way up to about 450/day. I have now been at it for 3 months (as of tommorrow). Oct was 2k, Nov 11k, Dec 13k hits.

      • Yeah, I was referring to you Lupin , of Dennis Moore fame. (look up the reference if you’re too uncultured to get it right off). 13k hits? Is that how you compose your material? Rebbe I have two words for you: “twelve steps” 😉

    • I agree. I implicitly do have a sort of hypotehtical individual in mind when I write. But you have raised an interesting question. It would be fun to ask bloggers to write a detailed fictional portrait of their imagined reader. It might say a lot about their understanding of their imagined readership and about the blogger’s themselves. To make it more interesting, the blogger could then be asked to write about a real life interaction between them and their imagined reader.

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