I recently encouraged one of my readers with great sense of humor to start blogging. I sent him the following advice.
- Don’t aim for long pieces. Readers have the average attention span of laundry machine lint. The goal is 2-4 punchy paragraphs.
- Write a statement about yourself and your goals. Then disregard it. Those statements satisfy readers and give you the illusion you know what you are doing. This gives you confidence.
- The hardest trick is feeling like you have an audience. After all we really write blogs because we are misanthropes who have no local audience. So we make like sci-fi researchers and beam our stuff into space to imaginary intelligent species elsewhere.
- Nevertheless, the illusion of having an interested audience and an interesting idea or grievance stimulates us to unleash our verbal talents. So imagine any target or topic that makes you feel like talking. Once you have completed the set up, let loose. Don’t pause while writing. Just return to edit.
- When you have your first posting let me know and I will give you free publicity. This will increase your readership by fifty percent (assuming you are married). Naturally you will be obliged to acknowledge me as your mentor until they finally pry the keyboard out of your hands at the chevrah kadishah. I expect to be included in your will. If you agree to those conditions I will write an haskamah for your blog.
- Seriously, Hatzlachah! Go for it! At worst I will mercifully exploit your weaknesses and mock you in your comments section. That of course will be for your benefit as I can see you have a gift for repartee.
- Don’t wait too long; it could be weeks before your next good scandal.
P.S. Be a big guy by being mean to the bad guys and only gently mocking the foibles of little people.