ChaptzemNisht Rebbe Endorses Prison Halachah Guide (Satire)

Many of us are in the Goyish Golus Archipelago which stretches from Otisville in the east to Alcatraz in the west. I am well acquainted with Harav Hagaon, Reb Getzel (Gezel) Akum, shlita. He never leaves the four cubits of torah, or his cell. Rav Akum’s new sefer, Hilchos Beis Hasohar: The Laws Of Incarceration©,covers:

  • Hasagos gvul when dealing with prison gangs
  • Selecting a nusach in a mixed minyan
  • Including a moser in a minyan when required by prison regulations
  • Sakkanos Nafashos and the heter for leasing your body parts to a goy
  • Eruv in a walled environment
  • Kiruv in close quarters
  • Kavannah when saying the brachah for the geulah
  • Will Mondrowitz have to observe second day yom tov?

You may think you don’t need his sefer. Believe me, you might. Of course, prevention is best and I encourage you to read my Chanukah drashah on loshon horah mehudar, mesirah and pidyon shvuyim.

By buying this sefer you will be spreading torah to new neighborhoods, facilitating halachic observance and supporting a worthy talmid chochum. Please purchase Reb Akum’s sefer.

Grand Rabbi of ChaptzemNisht , Rabbi Over Lavim

Signed, the 13th day, of the seventh month of the 4th year of my sentence


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