Reuters- Tel Aviv and Riyadh
After the usual denials the vulture story took an unexpected turn. An unnamed but high level source in the Mossad blamed a general in IDF Intelligence Division for conducting “a rogue operation.” Israeli public figures have started squabbling about Vulture-Gate.
Atomic Energy Commission Director, Aish Gadol declared, “It is Israeli policy to neither admit or deny we have nuclear armed vultures.”
Hilltop settler leader, Maximalist Ever-Hayarden protested. “Are we going to let this vulture rot in jail for 25 years like Yonasan Pollard. In bird years that is a life sentence.” Rabbis Blau and Weiss of Kiryat Arbah also supported this position. In turn, preeminent Ashkenazi posek, 100-year-old Rabbi Yosef Elyashiv declared, “The Zionist rabbis have once again showed their colors. This is a vulture and it is as traif and goyish as the Zionist flag. There is no halachic imperative to donate to a pidyon shvuyim fund for a vulture.”
Rabbi Leib Tropper of Eternal Jewish Tshuvah argued for rescuing the sacred vulture because it had almost completed a conversion process. He retreated from this position after a pashkavil showed up in Jerusalem and Bnei Brak declaring, “You impure man, Leib Tropper, fly away before we release certain videos and audiotapes.” The text was signed by the Mea Shearim Vaad Hatznius and the Israeli Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Birds.
Meanwhile, Saudi Minister for Avian Spying, Prince Seed Oif, held a press conference in Riyadh. He cited the Israeli squabbles as proof that the vulture is a spy. Reuters reporter, Albert Murtagh, asked, “Is it true that the vulture is an uncircumcised male?” Minister Oif replied, “He has been examined by Dr. Mushraf Uros and Mullah Sayeed Mohel and your information is correct. He is not circumcised. Once again the Zionist deceivers have used heathen Christian collaborators to pierce the heart of the Muslim Umma. The sharks in Egypt were also not circumcised.”