Dress Up As a Vaad Hatznius Member This Purim

If you have been putting off getting a Purim costume, here is an easy solution. Dress up as a member of the Vaad Hatznius. You don’t really need to do anything special. However, for special effect you could go around with binoculars hanging from your neck. You might also add on a video camera with a good zoom lens and a tape recorder. The only essential equipment is one of those brown markers they use in stores to check hundred dollar bills. If you are really short on time, just find a big magnifying glass and brandish it conspicuously.

This isn’t just a gag. As a member of a vaad hatznius you can move up from getting chump change for yourself or your favorite tzedakah whether it is chinuch atzmi or anything else. Instead you can put the bite on people for big bucks like ten to twenty grand or even more.

Have a freilich and profitable Purim.

Hat Tip to Simcha, and read my apologies to him in my reply to his comment, below.

ALSO READ: It’s Adar, Time For Satire

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5 thoughts on “Dress Up As a Vaad Hatznius Member This Purim

    • My apologies to Simcha, who first mentioned the idea as a comment on an earlier post. Yes he gets an entrepreneurial gold star, a hat tip, and an exclusive franchise for the racket, er, mitzvah, in his neighborhood.

      Simcha, No need to split the proceeds with me. Do read up on hasagos gvul so you are ready for hazmanos after Purim.

      Don’t try this shtick in Williamsburg. They are machmir about hasagos gvul. That is really the issue that prompted groups of thugs, er, kanoim, to invade competing shuls and cemetaries and beat people up. They have a mesorah that the halachos governing a divided yerushah matir blood letting and vandalism.

      Have a happy, freilich, profitable Purim.

  1. From what we’ve all about the underlying agenda of a typical vaad hatznius or conversion court, we’d best dress as a pimp!

    • Leib Tropper has the franchise on that costume as first displayed on UOJ. Remember, “yesh Tropper l’arayos.” check out his Eternal Jewish Tshuvah project (http://wp.me/pFbfD-9V) and my apology to him ((http://wp.me/pFbfD-9l). There are rumors that on the one hand he is planning a comeback vs. rumors that more dirt will come out about him. Both rumors are probably true. In fact they are Eternal verities about most shameless hucksters.

  2. The first one to comment about tznius racketeering was actually the Creedmoor Chronicler years ago.

    He had a faked interview with Lipa Schmeltzer and he said Lipa got his start running a tznius racket. Of course he didn’t but back then Lipa was just getting started and all the Creedmoor guy did was to get Lipa’s name onto the search engines because he had a high ranked blog. Something about slitting girls skirts and then getting a fine out of them before selling them new ones.

    That blog was fun, but the author retired before he got stale.

    He did real satire, rarely named names except when he parodied Lipa Schmeltzer as a jokey way to support him, and he had a thing for the Neturei Karta clowns. His main thing was financial fraud and kanoius; he said molesting and abuse are not funny and he can’t parody that. He probably stopped because he can’t satirize molestors and that’s who are in the news now.

    Most importantly, he was not afraid to say that the community isn’t perfect. More satirists like him, and Yiddishkeit would be much better off.

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