Joint Nitel Nacht Statement by Admorei Satmar, Aron and Zalman Leib Teitelbaum (SATIRE)

Hinei mah tov umah naim, sheves achim gam yachad.

It is a shreklich time for Yidden and all machlokes between Yidden must be put aside to fight our true enemies, those who would dare have the chutzpah to put Satmar Yidden in jail for raping our sons and daughters. Such a thing is not to done among us. It would break the minhag of our kehillah. Thus tonight, as brothers, as children of the holy Beirach Moshe, as the true holders of the malchus Satmar, we share this message with all our chasidim.

You might ask why a chasidus from Marmarosh would break the holy minhag and not observe nitel nacht by the calendar of the Eastern Orthodox church. Because bizman hazeh, the Roman Catholic Church, the church of Edom, the makor tummah is our friend. We have gotten very close to them through our friends in Agudah because we are all fighting a greater enemy. Chas v’challilah the mageyfah of lying children accusing leaders started in that makom tummah and spread all over. Now, whole dioceses are being bankrupted from lawsuits. The chutzpah of these children of Edom is mamash almost at our walls according our askanim and lawyers.

The impurity of these lawsuits by so-called victims must be fought. It is poshut seichel. If abuse didn’t happen, you cannot sue for it. If there are no witnesses, the abuse did not happen.

We have Frankfurter, Farkas and Ungar-Sargon screaming “Only one witness” and, “No physical evidence.” We are all screaming, “No Jew has a chance with a jury.” Everyone is screaming, “Show us the pornographic video.”

But the bitter cruel facts of golus must be faced. The Tziyoni hatred of Yiddishkeit has even infected the Irishmen in the Office of the Brooklyn DA and the bnei cham of the jury. Facts must be faced. Nechemya will probably be schlepped out of jail by the heilige chevrah kadishah. Others face the same terrible fate.

Boruch hashem, Mr Ostreicher was saved from a Bolivian jail. This all happened due to the akanus of one from zerah Yisroel whose father was a meshumad, who himself drank from the apikorsus of Communism. Still we extend hakoros hatov to this shaygetz, Sean Penn. But now is not Chanukah. So now we remind you, aiyn somchim al haness, we don’t depend on miracles. We won’t always be lucky enough to have such shkotzim as askonim, especially since not all of our shvuyim are innocent. Keep on giving money to pidyon shvuyim. Such giving is good because it demoralizes those inside who want, chas v’chalilah, to follow the psak of the Eidah Charedis Av Bes Din, R. Sternbuch, and go to the goyish courts.

We normally respect R Sternbuch. But he is wrong this time. He argues a molester is a rodef and one is allowed to turn a rodef over to the courts. But he is only thinking about the children. We are thinking about the mosdos on which all our children depend for heilige chinuch. The real rodef is the one who would open the door to the civil suits for damages that will kill our mosdos. The Roman empire of Edom fell. The Church of Edom can fall in the erd for all we care, from civil suits. But the mosdos Satmar are chai v’kayam (even if we argue about who they belong to).

Tonight, as brothers, we play chess, following the heilige minhag to prevent our kedushah from being captured by the evil forces. So tonight we learn not from Torah but from the game of chess. In chess, the rules are known but the winner is not known. It depends only on who plays better, who can think further ahead, who can better spot a weakness on the other side, and who can do a better job of fooling his opponent. Together, we are mispallel that we will win the game of chess against our enemies who want to sue us.

Remember, stay inside, see nothing, and if you see something don’t let that get outside our home and kehila.

A Merry Nitel Nacht to all our Chasidim and a gebenchte git yohr!

Publication of this drashah was sponsored by B&H Photo, which donates free surveillance equipment to all Vaad Hatznius members.

Ayin roeh v’ozen shomeiyah!

11 thoughts on “Joint Nitel Nacht Statement by Admorei Satmar, Aron and Zalman Leib Teitelbaum (SATIRE)

  1. am truly disappointed….only time these brothers get together is to protect their
    massive real estate. would like to see them get together to protect the heilige yiddishe

  2. Boy would wish R’ Aron and/or R’ Zalman Leib would have said something like this… too bad on you.. They didn’t and they won’t…

    Your intentions here are pretty darn clear and it is misleading articles like this (even with ‘satire’ added in caps..) that makes us all wonder why did we ever doubt the cruel and bad intentions of people like you..

    • SKarl,

      I was clear about what I am implied, even if I called it satire. IF you find it unfair or implausible, please say what you find improbable. The only things completely improbable are the two brothers working jointly and observing Nittel Nacht in December.

      • Did you mean to say: “The only things completely improbable ARE the two brothers working jointly and observing Nittel Nacht in December?” Mr. Lopin, such an egregious grammatical error on your part might lead one to believe that you’ve been educated in Satmar mosdos!

        Be careful, sir. Given the alleged predilections of the Satmar brothers, Zalman and Aaron, the last thing you’d want is to be caught between them!!!!

  3. Ach, a typo– should have read “improbable.” Woe unto us who’ve been forced to experience Satmar semenaries!

  4. No it’s one or the other Teitelbum who has your back. It should prove to be a semenal experience!

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