Why I Admire Rabbi Manis Friedman (SATIRE) by Asher Lovy

Rabbi Manis Friedman’s comments have provoked an Internet furor and he has conveniently deleted the YouTube Video in which he says, child sexual abuse does not damage its victims and the ones who later complain are making too much of it. His comments defy rational response but are bait for satirists (Yerachmiel Lopin)

Why I Admire Manis Friedman (SATIRE)

by Asher Lovy

I once walked over to a guy in a wheelchair and asked him why he was confined to his wheelchair. He told me that three weeks prior he had broken his leg falling off a ladder while attempting to fix his roof. Of course, being the rational human being I am, I flipped him out of the wheelchair onto the floor. He looked up at me, a puzzled and horrified look on his face, a face clearly wondering why the hell I had flipped him out of his wheelchair. To be honest I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he was so upset. After all, I had stubbed my shin once and didn’t feel the need to sit in a wheelchair for two months, why should he be any different? The police didn’t seem to agree with that sentiment when they arrived, and promptly arrested me. Idiots.

Unfortunately in that instance, Manis Friedman wasn’t available to bail me out of jail, but had he been available
I have no doubt he would have posted my bail. I was a little upset that he hadn’t shown up, but he was probably dealing with the overwhelming trauma of being flipped off by a passing driver. He didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with my incarceration at that point. During the trial, the judge not only ordered me remanded into jail for 90 days, but he made me pay the man’s resulting medical expenses as well. I told the judge that there was no point in me paying for the poor man’s medical expenses if he could be fixed up good as new by just saying ten Hail Marys and dropping 50 cents in a pushka (alms box), but he just added a charge of contempt of court in retaliation. Idiot. Not me, the Judge, of course.

Here’s the best one. This one time I was approached by a young high school bachur (boy) who told me, with tears streaming down his face, about how his rebbi (religious teacher) had been molesting him for the past three years. It took him a very long time for that boy to tell me his story, as he kept stopping and crying for ten minute periods during the recounting. Used up a box of my finest tissues. Of course I was annoyed that he was taking up so much of my time. After all, a half hour had passed and I now had enough play credits for another game of Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader with Friends, and everyone knows how much I love that game. After 45 minutes of this kid’s sniveling, I told him to man up, that we all have problems and that nothing makes his any more special than mine. I told him that what his rebbi had “done to him” was a valuable lesson in trust, that it would build his character, and that he should be grateful for the experience. I told him that all he needed to do to atone for the aveirah he had committed was to resolve to do more miztvos and everything would be OK  Clearly what was causing him so much pain and anguish wasn’t the “molestation,” but the guilt eating away at him for violating the Torah’s prohibition against mishkav zachar (having sex with a man). He needed to do teshuva (penance), not wallow in self pity.

He looked at me, horrified at the words coming out of my mouth; actually had the chutzpah to start yelling at me! “My therapist this…” “My psychiatrist that…” idiot. I told him that his psychologist and psychiatrist, with their apikorsishe (heretical) ideas were the ones who were giving him all these problems and that he needs to stop listening to them and start listening to Daas Torah. I admit I was a little harsh, but you cannot be lax with Kavod Hatorah and Emunas Chachamim. He stormed out of my office and slammed the door behind him. Nebach. Poor kid. He had come seeking advice but was too blind to see that I was giving him the advice I felt was best for him, from the bottom of my heart. If only he had listened to me he wouldn’t have swallowed that fistful of pills that killed him a month later. Oiy, look what happens when people listen to psychologists.

Rabboisai, we need to be very careful about who we trust with advising out children. They tend to exaggerate and make things a bigger deal than they are. Some kid asked me last week if he had to tell the girl he was going out with that he had been molested as a child. I told him “Would you tell her that you once had diarrhea as a child? It’s embarrassing, yes, but she doesn’t have to know about it.” He would be stupid to tell her. The marital problems he will have later, the trust issues and intimacy issues, the PTSD, self-harm, substance abuse, and complete lack of any sense of self are all because of that meshugeneh psychologist he went to, filling his head with all kinds of naarishkeiten. I told him, too, to get over it and move on. Hopefully this one follows my advice. I would hate to see him lying dead in a bloody bathtub with shredded wrists.

11 thoughts on “Why I Admire Rabbi Manis Friedman (SATIRE) by Asher Lovy

  1. YL: “… His comments defy rational response …”
    No. … “הקהה את שיניו” … at least.
    He’s not some schlemiel. He has standing. People — young women! — order their attitudes based upon what he teaches. His smug incompetence endangers lives.

    Messrs. Lopin and Lovy, I’m not with you on this one.

    • Just a Civilian,

      Very well, the rational response is, Manis Friedman, you are a criminal. I believe you know better but prefer discouraging police reporting and you use your lines to that effect. You do that even if means that someone who came to you in anguish has now had their pain compounded.

      Manis, I hope you get turned into the police and prosecuted for obstructing justice, just Rabbi Padwa may be because of his recorded advice not to go to the police.

      • Mr. Lopin,

        I was heading toward an issue different from “criminality” or “obstructing justice” because I lack specific knowledge of today’s inner workings of Chabad and, more generally, of Haredut. My connections to that world existed in my parents’ generation of Shoah survivors, for whom the political divisions were much less significant than, e.g., whether one’s neighbors spoke Hungarian or Hebrew, or where one’s Auschwitz comrades had eked out livelihoods. That was an almost unimaginably different era.

        I intended, rather, something plain and common-sense. Depraved sharks like Weberman need a safe ocean in which to swim. The sharks are, in a manner of speaking, space-time limited — they run to do evil of the sort that requires them to be in definite places at definite times. Making the ocean safe for such sharks requires nothing more in our leaders than failings such as ignorance, or arrogance, or incompetence. (Superstition is also very perilous.) The catastrophic effects of these leadership failings are hardly at all space-time limited — a charismatic leader today can, in self-righteous obliviousness, catalyze a thousand cases of child abuse in his lifetime, and countless thousands of cases a hundred years hence. Such leaders are inevitably vectors of chilul HaShem, and chilul HaShem is anything but a victimless aveira.

    • Funny? I have a warped sense of humour, but funny it ain’t. I have to wonder what it leaves you thinking about…

  2. As usual, the defenders come out to defend the indefensible. He spells out very clearly in the first video what he means, “Rochel Bitcho Ha’ketano”. But we are now asked to believe that he really meant the opposite.

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