Padwa’s Pshat and Pilpul (SATIRE)

Special Bulletin by Rabbi Ephraim Padwa, Head of the Union of Hebrew Orthodox Congregations (UHOC)/ Kedassiah

London, January 30, 2013


All my life I have followed the Torah and counseled others in its sweet ways. But now I must swallow a bitter pill. I tried counseling a young man who claims he was molested. As I explained to him, the alleged offender was taken care of and stopped. But this brazen young man deceived me by asking if he should go to the police. Naturally I counseled him in the ways of the torah.

This shaygetz lies and claims I told him to break the law. In his chutzpah, he was secretly recording the conversation for Channel 4.
England’s antisemites will feast on the misrepresentations engineered by this goy.

Because of our difficult matzav (situation) I have been advised by the UHOC’s barristers and solicitors to just shut up. However, my faithful followers do not be deceived by any new press releases I am compelled to release. I remain steadfast in the Torah of Moshe I have always imparted to you. Please be advised that nothing changes except our PR firm.

If dealing with reporters refer them to our recent statement. If dealing with ordinary modern people discuss our chesed (charity) organizations.


2 thoughts on “Padwa’s Pshat and Pilpul (SATIRE)

  1. Often satire requires a slight amount of embellishment to make the point. Accepted within poetic licence. With these characters, verbatim quotes work just fine. So how do you justify calling it satire?

    • Perhaps you were right. But I am putting words into his mouth mixing the likely and the unlikely in absurd fashion. I suppose I could have written, “I can imagine Padwa saying: “….””

      We also both know, that after his fiasco on tape he is not going to be putting anything in writing. Besides he is busier right now being pulled in every direction with the internal Chaim Halpern problems.

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