Rabbi Margulies: Pay Up or Else! (Satire)

This post first appeared on Frum Follies on New Year’s Day, 2010. It lampoons Rabbi Lipa Margulies, the main defender of convicted molester, Rabbi Yehuda Kolko. I thought of it when I learned that his nephew, alleged child molester, Yosef Kolko is scheduled for trial in New Jersey on March 15th. More important, Purim is around the corner and this is funny.

NEW YORK PEST

Rabbi Margulies: Pay Up or Else!

Rabbi Lipa Margulies, Director of Yeshiva Torah Temimah (YTT) all but said, pay up or your kids are vulnerable to molesting and will be kicked out. At one point he parodied a mobster and said, protection, if you know what I mean. And everyone needs protection. This was said as part of a Saturday Night Melava Malka to escort out the Sabbath Queen. One bitter parent said “they really need to escort out the queens on the faculty who molest boys.”

Yeshiva Torah Temimah has been plagued by molesting scandals and yet keeps its funding and students. In 2006 Rabbi Yehuda Kolko resigned after years of complaints. He still lurks near their new Lakewood Branch which is headed by Rabbi Yaakov Applegrad who spent years deflecting complaints and threatening complaining parents at their Flatbush location. There are rumors that Kolko and Applegrad decamped to New Jersey to give themselves more of a buffer if the Brooklyn DA finally “gets off his tuchis” and goes after them.

The Pest’s reporters unsuccessfully sought comment from each of the principals named in the story. At the New Jersey affiliate we were told they were busy fixing things in the basement. In Flatbush Rabbi Margulies started answering, “YTT is the greatest yeshiva in the world.” His legal team stopped him and he switched “no comment.” The Brooklyn District Attorney’s PR representative, Kol Sheker, told us that thanks to the DA initiative Kolko was forced to plead guilty to two charges. When we asked why he served no time and was not on the sex offenders’ registry Kol Sheker insisted, “our record speaks for itself.”

Indeed it does. According to the blogger UOJ, YTT and the DA’s office participated in a conspiracy to obstruct justice. UOJ was gleeful about the rumored investigation by the US Department of Justice. “Now that they are in both New York and New Jersey their cover-up is a federal matter.”

He thinks of his cooperation with this investigation as his 2010 New Years present. He says that when they go to jail he will send them free UOJ caps in prison orange with scarlet piping. He then began rhapsodizing about Agudah leadership in jail. He displayed his inimitable mixture of generosity and financial prudence by saying he was holding up his order of orange/scarlet UOJ caps until he could determine his bulk discount. He reacted to criticism of his slogan UOJ Saves by saying the full slogan is UOJ Saves and Invest(igate)s.

Below is the text of the speech legally obtained by Rabbi Asher Yatzar. UOJ used the name Asher Yatzar to get on the list. He has learned from Leib Tropper that potential donors are trusted beyond reason. He has spread $300,000 in donations among other institutions under a variety of names. There is panic in Brooklyn. Orthodox fundraisers are going nuts trying to figure out which machers to trust.

Text of YTT Speech Sent to Rabbi Asher Yatzar

This motzoi shabbos the gadol Rav Lipa Margulies, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Torah Temimah, the greatest Yeshiva in the world with the possible exception of the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever spoke at a Melava Malka for parents. They were inspired and they upped their contributions in spite of the financial difficulties many families face. Rav Margulies brilliantly spoke about l’havdil elev havdolos and made many fine-grained distinctions. His point of departure was Rabbi Zweibel’s speech about need to deal with things that are known to us.

Yeshiva Torah Temimah is was way ahead of Agudas Yisroel, l’havdil elev havdolos. YTT always makes it its business not to know to protect the shidduch prospects of our students.

L’havdil elev havdolos, the charges against R. Yudi Kolko, unlike those against Leib Tropper never involved an adult or a woman.

Rabbi Kolko, unlike this other one has a pleasant voice and personality. Only a menuval who did not have a refined education would have spoken as coarsely as this acher. Thus the charges against Rabbi Reuven Feinstein are groundless. R. Reuven has never been know to raise his voice unpleasantly no matter what is done in his name.

L’havdil, YTT is like Harvard. Liberal Jews worry about getting their kids into Harvard Law School when they fight for spots in prestigious Manhattan nurseries. Shouldn’t torah Jews fight for the privilege of being in Torah Temimah in order to eventually get their kids into Brisk?

A Harvard Law education only gets you the opportunity to work hard for the rest of your life. A Brisk education can get your son an excellent dowry that allows him to luxuriate in torah for the rest of his life.

A Harvard guy faced with a divorce loses most of his assets. A Brisker returns to America with a yerushah, a welcoming committee with 100 rabbonim and a new wife.

Public institutions in secular education invade privacy. Temimah ensures the safety of our children with tznius methods. hakodosh borchu sees b’chadrei chadorim, we have a video monitoring system to covers all of our classrooms. We do not have this in offices, bathrooms or the basement because it would interfere with the quality of our tutoring.

We do feel the need to enhance chizuk in matters of tznius and loshon horah. A distinguished Rav from Lakewood, Rav Berel Nishtboidek has joined our staff as the mashgiach haguf. He will work full time implementing our hashgachah haguf and avoiding loshon horah and mesirah. Ours is the best such plan in the Jewish world. No other Yeshiva has a talmid chochum completely devoted to this issue. Rav Nishtboidek will study on these matters full time in a hermetically sealed room inside the arbah amos of torah. There will be no bittul torah for meetings with parents, children, staff or the criminal injustice system. We hold ferkert from those corrupted by narishkeit about chochmos hagoyim like psychologists and the criminal injustice system. When appropriate, to avoid chillul hashem, he will refer to Ohel. They will make sure that complaints don’t reach the level, of how should I say it, that shmutzig word, but we must be brave and say it, exposure. One of our parents, Reb Boruch Nishgehert of Bradley Nishgehert Public Relations, LLC, has agreed to deal with the outside world. In this way matters of exposure will be kept far from the kedushah of Rav NishtBoidek.

I am sorry to say that I have had some mechutzav parents who have sent letters around which ask, vus togt es, if he does gornisht but learn. First of all I want to assure you that all such parents and their kids who needlessly complain about everything from the thickness of the lunch sandwiches to molesting are not be believed and are a bad influence. Rest assured I have cleared out all such children.

I would not even be discussing this but for the fact that you may have already heard about it even if you have unplugged your Internet as required by our gedolim. Unfortunately egregious violators repeat things they have heard without reading them. Others make it worse by distributing printed things with disgusting words like URL and HTTP. But when a lie is told a talmid chochum must challenge it. Who could be more suitable than a maimed unsullied by such knowledge? This we have in Rav NishtBoidek. I can assure you that Rav NishtBoidek will attend to these things but in ways we cannot disclose.

To pay for Rav NishtBoidek we are asking for a permanent add-on to tuition. Unfortunately we will not be able to provide scholarships. Your last tuition increase is tied up in court battles to refute blood libels brought against our expansion into Lakewood. They complain that our thick corrugated carpets with their extra air spaces are producing bad odors in their neighborhood. In fact they were the kind recommended to us by Rav Salomon Shlitah along with special brooms we bought on his recommendation. But anti Semites spread blood libels against Rav Applegrad and Rav Kolko.

As I said, because of these expenses we need a tuition add-on. It is voluntary. No one will be turned away. However, we must suspect any parent who will not find the money. In our experiences the families that don’t pay are less committed and in the end they have children who foment trouble, make false accusations, get kicked out of yeshivas and go off the derech. Unfortunately this leads to drug abuse, suicides, false memories, and even, lo aleinu, mesirah. Please parents consider the tuition supplement. It will make for a safer and better experience for your children, great success in learning and shidduchim that will produce a prosperous bayis neeman in Yisroel. Let me again be clear, the choice is yours and you won’t regret it. L’havdil elev havdolos, it is like the goyim say, “protection, if you know what I mean. And everyone needs protection.”

Remember, we are mavdil bein kodesh l’chol. Protect your children and support this great step forward in kedushas haguf and torah lishmah to nurture successful kollel leit who attain success in gushmiyas and ruchmiyas.

A gutte voch!

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3 thoughts on “Rabbi Margulies: Pay Up or Else! (Satire)

  1. I am extending a belated welcome to a member of this year’s crop of new teachers at Yeshiva Torah Temimah (YTT) faculty, Rabbi Eli Schmeltzer. He started in the fall. Rabbi Schmelczer has moved around a lot in recent years. Some of the places he has alighted include a mechina yeshiva in Miami, the NMB Kollel, and a Yeshiva Gedola Merkaz Hatorah Tiferes Mordechai of Montreal.

    Read more: http://www.yeshivagedola.com/our-history/.

    I have been told by several sources that Rabbi Ronald Greenwald of Monsey is conducting inquiries about him on behalf of YTT. I am told that Ronnie is inclined see the best in Rabbi Schmelczer and insists allegations against him thus far are unfounded. I have no idea what considerations are motivating Ronnie.

    Being a teacher in Torah Temimah would appear to be a demotion after being a principal or a rosh kollel in his last three jobs. But who knows. Maybe he just loves being in Flatbush in the radiant presence of Leopold Lipa Margulies. Perhaps he is drawn to the charms of working in a place that once employed Yehudah Kolko. Maybe he is innately modest and no longer needs the burdens and adulation of doing management work and perfers being close to the adolescent boys in the yeshiva.

    Time will tell.

    In the meantime, a civil lawsuit is still in progress against Torah Temimah by the families of boys who allege YTT responsiblity for their being molested by Yehudah Kolko who taught there till he was arrested and subsequently pleaded guilty for misconduct with those boys.

    • I saw this comment on failed messiah

      Rav Zvi Eliyahu Meir Schmelczer, the dynamic rosh kollel of the North Miami Beach Community Kollel, is leaving his position to join the hanhalah of Yeshiva Gedola Merkaz Hatorah Tiferes Mordechai of Montreal.

      Rav Schmelczer has led the North Miami Beach Community Kollel with great success, serving as a guide to the yungeleit and a group of wonderful baalei batim who developed a night kollel and morning kollel program.

      Rav Shmelczer’s ties to Miami begin with his father-in-law, Rav Mordechai Shapiro zt”l, who was a noted talmid of Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l and was a rov in Miami Beach for many years. Rav Schmelczer himself has served as the menahel of Mesivta of Miami Beach and previously learned in the kollelim of Mexico City and Montreal. His father, Rav Chaim Schmelczer zt”l, was one of the founding roshei yeshiva of Yeshivas Telz in Chicago.

      Yeshiva Gedola Merkaz Hatorah Tiferes Mordechai has been led by its roshei yeshiva, Rav Moshe Mendel Glustein, Rav Shimon Zeffren, and Rav Yaakov Bistritz. The yeshiva was founded over 35 years ago by a small group of parents and community members and encompasses a large pre-school elementary and high school, in addition to the bais medrash.

      Posted by: lion | July 26, 2011 at 08:27 PM

    • I saw this comment on a post in http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2010/01/tropper-why-rabbis-were-silent.html

      North Miami BeachJanuary 24, 2010 at 7:03 PM
      Tropper’s ally Rabbi E.M. Schmeltzer has been under a barrage of criticism for giving kovod to convicted pedophiles and an alleged philanderer.

      Rabbi EMS is now fighting back by putting an anonymous critic in “cherem”. He will not even listen to any evidence about the alleged philanderer since he claims that the issur lashon hara does not allow for it. Has there been a time in history when an anonymous person has been put in cherem even for a legitimate reason?

      Here is the kol korei he put up, and which he purports most other rabbonim in Miami signed, but don’t forget that his friend Tropper has a nasty habit of forging rabbonishe signatures:

      A flyer has been circulating in our area written by a cowardly anonymous author. His senseless words are full of blasphemy, deriding an unnamed rabbi. Since he does not specify the target of his insults, we take his words to be an insult directed to the Rabbinate as a whole.

      He is guilty of disgracing the scholars and is considered to be an Apikorus who lost his share in the world to come (see Sanhedrin 99B Yoreh Deah 234:6). He is also subject to excommunication (Cherem), which would not allow him any honor in a synagogue nor may he be counted to a minyan (see Yoreh Deah 334:47 Choshen Mishpat 27:2).

      This person subjects himself to be plagued with a disease for which there is no cure (see Shabbos 119B).

      His only way to redeem himself and to be freed from such curses is to humbly approach the one whom he meant to insult and beg for absolution. Afterward, he should appear before a Bais Din and plead for release from Cherem.

      הרחמן הוא ישים שלום עלינו ועל כל ישראל

      Rabbi Yerucham Bensinger

      Rabbi Avrohom Yeshaya Groner

      Rabbi David Lehrfield

      Rabbi Ephraim Leizerson

      Rabbi Yosef Y. Marlow

      Rabbi Tzvi Eliyohu Meir Schmelczer

      Rabbi Ephraim E. Shapiro

      Rabbi Pinchas Weberman

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