Train To Become An Internet Goy™ (Satire)

In anticipation of Purim, I am reposting this satirical
item from my archives of previous years. 

Looking for extra income? Who isn’t these days?

Exciting new opportunities have opened up for serving the needs of ultra orthodox Jews. Many of them do not use the Internet because their rabbis have told them it is forbidden. Nevertheless they need the Internet to fill job applications, apply for government benefits, make online purchases, read sacred texts and most importantly to find out what is happening inside their own world by reading forbidden blogs. Many ultra orthodox Jews won’t dare have an internet connection in their homes because they will lose social standing. However they know the rulings are silly and they want Internet content. So they rely on an Internet Goy™

There are now people making an excellent living or spare income by using their basic Internet skills in ways that meet the needs of this community.

Our training program will turn you into a qualified IG™(Internet Goy). Our study at home program covers the following points:

  • The blogs, scandals and personalities for which people want coverage (e.g., Failed Messiah is not about Jesus, The Unorthodox Jew is a blog aimed at the ultra orthodox world, Frum Follies is not a burlesque show, the Awareness Center is not about meditation, etc)
  • The major segments in that world (hasid vs litvak, Aaron vs Zalman, Chabad/Lubavitch vs everyone, etc)
  • The lingo and euphemisms (e.g., lashon horah, znus, geirus, pidyon shvuyim, daas torah, beis din, shidduch, etc)

We will also teach you how to advertise your services through word of mouth discounts and kickbacks, how to take orders and transliterate Hebrew and Yiddish phrases, and how to arrange delivery by print or electronic media.

Contact us today and start on this promising career.

Our skilled staff of certified Internet Goyim™ will get you started.



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