Rav Yisroel Belsky Psak on the Kolko Puffs Cereal Factory (SATIRE)

I can assure you that the Kolko Puffs factory is 100% kosher. I talked to the owner and I can tell that the owner, a Torah Vodaas musmach (ordained rabbi), is trustworthy. This is not a question of negius (conflict of interest). The fact that the owner, Mr Rechtig, is my son-in-law and a big baal tzedakah who donates to my yeshiva did not and would not affect my judgement. I say this with same certainty that there were no negius when I kashered the Dohanyi Butcher scandal in California. It was completely unrelated to the fact that Mr. Rechtig bought the disgraced business at a bargain basement price and resold it weeks later. It was done by him lisheim shomayim (for the sake of heaven). I can assure you I have no idea of the exact price at which he resold the business which now had a good hashgachah (kosher certification).

Yudel NishtSheyn claims that someone saw a trailer of unapproved ingredients delivered to the factory. What chutzpah! The OU refers to me as rav hagaon (The sage rabbi), something they don’t even say about Rabbi Hershel Schachter, their other senior posek (Jewish law authority). Who are you going to believe, the lying cheating eyes of NishtSheyn’s informant or me. I have daas torah (torah infallability). I have so much daas torah that the pygmies of the Moetzes (Council of Rabbinical Sages) were afraid to include me because I would have outshone them.

This slander of Reb Yudel must be refuted to protect the honor of the Kolko Puffs family of cereal products that has delighted Jewish children  for two generationsUnfortunately there will always be children who turn out badly and blame it on cereal manufacturers.

Thus I pronounce with the full authority of my status as an OU gaon and a navi bihechsherim (a prophet about kosher certifications) that the slanders directed at Kolko Puffs are actually true of NishtSheyn. He himself has trailers of unapproved ingredients delivered to his home in Lakewood.

Furthermore, I completely reject NishtSheyns claim that the Kolko Puffs factory needs a mashgiach temimi (constant supervision). Even if the allegations about the Kolko Puffs factory are true and they made a trivial mistake on one occasion, yotzei vinichnas (spot check supervision) is good enough. I am a maven on the sort of taivois (lust) that lead to such errors. One good shmooze from me and a yotzei vinichnas is enough to stop the problem from recurring. There is no need for therapy.

Anyone who has it in his power should prevail on Yudel NishtSheyn to stop this slander against the Kolko Puffs cereal business, may their light shine.

See Also: Belsky is 0 for 2 on the Kolkos and Yet He’s the OU’s Posek

5 thoughts on “Rav Yisroel Belsky Psak on the Kolko Puffs Cereal Factory (SATIRE)

  1. As an AM Haaretz, i don’t know from yotzei v’nichnas, but batel b’shishim is always good enough for me. I hope they have huge weighing scales, but I’m sure that the mashgiach would have arranged that, given the current machloket due to lashon harah. This lashon harah has really gotten out of hand.

    On a serious note, it is ironic that in the upside down corrupt Charedi world, that an article of this nature, has to append “(SATIRE)” to it’s title, for otherwise, it would not be possible to differentiate the real from the surreal. .

  2. the yingel can’t be ma’alig on the kolko puffs – he is nogeya! he was the one who mustve raped them

  3. I’m shocked he called the Lakewood victim of Yosef Kolko a moser. The victim and his family, ehrlich and well-learned people were subject to verbal abuse by the Lakewood community. Harassing them and telling them to NOT go to the police is illegal.

  4. The biggest crook in Lakewood is the Mafioso-in-charge, Mareinu HaLaRabeinu Maran HaGaon HaRav Kotler, shlita.

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