PARODY- Vito Gambino Agrees with the RCA

Note- Do not read this without first reading the
RCA (Rabbinical Council of America) “Clarification.”

PRESS RELEASE—June 12, 2013

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese (RCA) remains steadfast in combating and condemning all forms of racketeering and violence. We are encouraged by the process that led to the guilty plea of Joey (“Legs”) Molko, Jr., a lapsed parishioner, who pleaded guilty to sex-trafficking a boy from Sicily.

For many years this diocese, in partnership with our sister diocese in Palermo, Italy, under the wise guidance of the Holy Mother Church, has decried the misguided efforts of those who cover up or ignore allegations of mortal sins. It is time for Italians, Italian-Americans, and members of other ethnic groups to reject the code of omerta.

The RCA strongly advocates, as a matter of the church’s cannon law and U. S. law, the reporting of reasonable suspicions of crimes to the civil authorities and full coöperation with the criminal justice system. The RCA decries any invocation of omerta, or considerations about scandal to the church in intimidating witnesses. It is not appropriate to joke about Sicilian galoshes, swimming with the fishes, or “snitches get stitches.”

Cardinal Samuel Gold, Bishop of our diocese, and Auxiliary Bishop Markus Scratch, Executive Administrator of our diocese, were concerned about the reported position on the Joey Molko, Jr. conviction of Mr. Vito Gambino, Ethics Adviser of our Office-workers Union (OU), and President of YTV Construction and Garbage Hauling.

We are grateful to be able to report that Mr. Gambino agreed to meet with us. In deference to his civic stature and his generous contributions to our endowment campaign, we acceded to his request that the meeting not include church attorneys, the local prosecutor, any representatives of the trafficked boy, or any other individuals likely to confuse the issue with actual facts.

Mr. Gambino insists Molko, Jr. is innocent. He bases this on his personal knowledge of two generations of the Molko family starting with Joey’s uncle, Father Judah Molko, Sr. He thought so highly of Joey that he personally sponsored him for a job at a YTV funded school in Brooklyn where he was well-liked by the children until he abruptly decided he preferred the climate in Southern Jersey.

Mr. Gambino says he has personal knowledge that the Woodlake gang framed Molko to divert suspicion from their own guilt in initiating boys into prostitution. They then blackmailed him into pleading guilty in middle of his trial by threatening to reveal irrelevant, but highly embarrassing, facts.

However, Mr. Gambino assures us that he favors the reporting of credible suspicions of sex trafficking “directly to the fuzz” (i.e., appropriate authorities). At our request, Mr. Gambino sent us the following letter.

Blessings of Holiness (B”H)
June 6, 2013
To His Grace, Cardinal Samuel Gold
To the Right Auxiliary Bishop Markus Scratch,

It was a pleasure to meet with you the other day about Diocese fundraising and policy.

I am sorry that some people do not understand why I called the father of the boy a pervert and I lashed out against the Jersey Woodlake gang for framing Joey Molko Jr. and called them SOB snitches and incited the decent folk in town to give the business to those lying molesting bums.  But, you gotta do the right thing when you know a guy is innocent.

But I completely agree with the church when I know someone is guilty. When I know someone is guilty I tell people to go straight to the police without bothering to ask me. But it has gotta be credible, not some half-cocked case without a leg to stand on, or like our Hebrew brethren say, aiyn raglayim lidavar.

I am not just blowing smoke. I walk the talk.

A few years ago there was a school whose bus drivers were organized by another union run by Colombian bums. A neighborhood mother came to me, because I was the godfather at the naming of her boy. It seems the kid was having nightmares because of what those Colombian drivers were doing to him. I helped her bring her case to the cops who made some arrests but then nothing happened in the courts. You know how it is with justice in Brooklyn. Don’t blame me; blame the D. A., Joe Hynes. I wish I could prove that I sent that case to the authorities, but you will just have to take my word.

Eventually I got a bunch of Colombians arrested by the Feds on drug dealing charges. My involvement was top secret so no one else knows about it.

I am glad you mentioned drugs in your statement. Ninety nine percent of all our problems come from drugs and the Internet.

Sincerely yours,
Mr. Vito Gambino
President, YTV Construction and Garbage Hauling
Ethics Advisor, Office-workers Union (OU)

The Roman Catholic Diocese (RCA) is proud to have gotten the distinguished Mr. Gambino to go on record to say he sort of agrees with the RCA’s policy. We are confident that this statement will be helpful to many victims in the future. Nevertheless, the RCA respectfully disagrees with Mr. Gambino about Joey Molko.

This clarification should put to rest any concerns that the RCA’s association with Mr. Gambino is compromising our commitment to enforcing sex-trafficking laws.

4 thoughts on “PARODY- Vito Gambino Agrees with the RCA

  1. In the hemschech, not officially quoted here, (but we do wish for all to have the entire history) we are so committed to eradicting this scourge in our communnity, that all cement providers have been temporarily put on complete suspension and furthermore, the shoe repair stores, have been shut down until further notice, There are lots of cheap shoe stores if the need is great. Call the diocese office and and a list wil be provided.


    BTW I’m sure you heard about this part of the conversation with the Cardinal, although it didn’t make it to the press…

    In his defense Mr. Gambino offered the following, demonstrating how the greatest made men felt Joey’s release was of utmost importance…

    He explained that, while each crime family operates independently, nationwide coordination is provided by the Commission, which consists of the bosses of each of the strongest families (Wikipedia). At some point the entire extended Gambino family felt that Joey’s difficult position required the involvement from the New Jersey crime family.

    To that end, they took the extraordinary step of bringing it up to The Commission! (Gambino himself doesn’t remember any other time that they didn’t take care of business alone.) The Commission in turn contacted the feared DeKotlercante family based in Central Jersey. “They were the obvious choice, as they already had many businesses and contacts in Woodlake”, said Gambino.

    “To their credit”, continued Gambino, “The DeKotlercante Family was already working diligently behind the scenes with great urgency and vengeance”. By the time the DeKotlercante’s were done, many men were made and some were ruined, again displaying the importance of Joey’s predicament in the eyes of The Syndicate.

    Coordinating efforts proved the proverb “two together can accomplish much more then if they tried alone” and many felt this case would be a catalyst for more coordination in the future…

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