According to a recent Tweet from the Daily News courthouse reporter, Oren Yaniv, many employees of the Office of the Kings County District Attorney have been busy since primary day “refreshing” their resumes. I imagine most of them will have no trouble securing employment, either in private practice or doing consulting work. Of course, there are some who may have a bit more difficulty landing a job, at least in the legal field. So, as a public service to those who may be looking to expand their employment horizons (assuming those horizons aren’t soon narrowed by prison walls), I will be offering advice for soon-to-be former Brooklyn ADAs.
Michael Vecchione will be fired according to his friend, Oren Yaniv. So I will start my series by offering help to him.
I hope you don’t mind my calling you Mike. But I feel like I know you (all too well). It is hard to transition but you must face reality instead of exacting revenge. The good news is that you are past the first stage of mourning, denial. However, you are now into the second stage, anger. Producing enemies lists will not help you land your next job. You are a handsome, well dressed, articulate man with a flair for drama and fiction, a lot of experience running and controlling things, including your bosses, and the ability to charm women. The sooner your reach the stage of acceptance, the sooner you will be able to move into the next stage of your career. There is life after KCDA.
Mike, I do want to compliment you on your first short statement for the job market. Let’s look at it.
Seeking suitable employment and enjoyment deploying my skills at persecuting, prosecuting, dramatizing, intimidating, seducing, managing bosses, escaping responsibility, exercising initiative, and selectively forgetting. Can also threaten physical violence as necessary. Full scripts of my accomplishments available from KCDA and Attorney Joel Rudin. A number of my successes are upstate but can be called down for private interviews in select hotels in Brooklyn.
Mike, I think this captures you quite nicely, but I am not sure you want to present yourself that way. It makes you seem thuggish, manipulative and dishonest. Very few bosses want to take on that sort of employee. However, there are elements of this presentation that speak to your core qualities and could lead to your future success.
I assume you want to stay in law. I will explore those options, but we have to be realistic about the possibility that you will lose your license because of ethics charges. However, it could take years for that to happen given the lethargic pace of legal self-policing. Of course, it could happen more quickly if the Feds move in on you, but we will be optimistic.
You might want to consider joining Arthur Aidala’s firm and become part of the Lebovits defense team–after all, you are already working for them. However, be prepared for a period of adjustment while they force you to learn the actual facts. Alternatively you could become an associate of Ben Brafman or Alan Dershowitz. We know they’ve already given you glowing references. Though they may become fickle if your side of the story doesn’t hold up in the Jabbar Collins proceedings. You could also work for Alan’s NY-based brother, Nathan. They partner and you could be employed by their joint enterprise, the Dersh Bags.
If you don’t want to stray too far from the courthouse, you could definitely get a gig as a court officer through Dennis Quirk— you have the build for it and your ethics would be a good match to his.
Mike, there is life after the law. Here are a few possibilities that draw on your other qualities.
Mike, you enjoy running things, being in charge. We think this quality would make you an excellent entrepreneur. You should consider opening and operating an “extended stay” hotel, with ‘round the clock security, preferably somewhere near the Brooklyn criminal courts and as far as possible from the ACLU.
You are a physical guy with some heft. You might do well as an independent contractor doing product testing for IKEA coffee tables. You could promise to produce signed affidavits confessing to any result laid out in the company’s specs.
You are a natural salesman. Hong Kong’s Three Monkeys Security Devices Ltd is looking for an independent spokesperson/pitchman for their new line of shredders. They might even oblige you by naming their top-of-the-line model, Mike’s Brady Special.
Mike, hopefully you can get past the anger and vengeance of this stage and move on to the next stage. You might get some consolation from reading Rabbi Kushner’s book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I know it doesn’t fit you perfectly, but it has helped many other people who also weren’t perfect.
You may be thinking of retiring and volunteering, perhaps donating what is left of your mind to memory researchers. They are intrigued by any possibility of amnesia recovery, selective memory, and confession ventriloquism. However, I would not go down that route. It may open you up to legal liability. Besides, your credit counselor says you cannot afford to forgo any income.
Mike, Good luck and keep us appraised of your progress. Really Mike, this advice won’t help if you go on with your enemies list. You claim it is a list of people who leaked to Thompson who will be fired before January. But it is obvious to folks at KCDA that it is really a list of people who crossed you, not Hynes. In fact it includes some real Hynes loyalists that despise me and Thompson. Dino is not going to spoil his own future to act on your petulant agenda. Mike, if you are willing to let go of the anger, as I have pointed out, you have many attractive prospects.
Disclaimer: Advice is offered without complete knowledge of advice-seeker’s legal, financial, mental health, marital, and non-marital liaisons and complications. Thus Frum Follies and its primary author, Yerachmiel Lopin, cannot warrant the quality of advice. Before making any decisions, consult as appropriate with your attorneys, financial advisors, relatives, underworld connections, and, if appropriate, probation officers.
This is an occasional series. Future installments of this series will probably address the special needs of Charles J. Hynes, Jerry Schmetterer, Henna White, Dino Amoroso, Rhonnie Jaus, Mary Hughes, Susan Quirk, and others. I welcome requests for help from any and all denizens of KCDA. Feel free to submit requests on behalf of your less fortunate co-workers.
Hat Tip: “The Malach”