Deb Tambor’s friends waited in the cold and dark for her funeral early last Monday morning. But the powers that be of Skver (Square Town) could not bear to acknowledge that she had such friends, young men and women raised in the orthodox world who no longer were religious or did not follow Skver’s krum (deformed) version of frumkeit (religious observance).
So for twelve hours they left them in the cold and refused them any information. Nevertheless Deb’s friends came and stayed outside from mid-afternoon, into the dark, past midnight, until three or four in the morning when they finally knew they weren’t going to be allowed the simple decency of accompanying her coffin to its final resting place.
When Deb left religious observance, Skver sided with her ex-husband in fighting for custody. Having won that battle they also used all of their influence to completely alienate her kids from her.
Now that this sweet, kind, 33-year-old woman was dead, they insisted on claiming her body and controlling her funeral. But this wasn’t a chesed shel emes (the true kindness of caring for the dead). Real Jews honor the dead, put aside differences, and welcome all who wish to join in accompanying the dead on their way to their burial. Real Jews offer survivors consolation by praising the virtues of the dead and not drawing attention to their shortcomings. Real Jews want orphans to remember what was good about their deceased parents. Real Jews adhere to the practice of orphans only saying kaddish for eleven months because they are not allowed to think the worst of their parents: to think that they need twelve months to elevate their souls.
But the wickedness of Skver extends even unto death, even unto further alienating orphans, even unto depriving the deceased and her survivors of the knowledge that others loved her and respected her, in life and in death.
Skver likes to delude itself into thinking it is the holiest of the holy, the frumest (most religiously observant) of the frum, the most tznius (modest) of those who are tznuah. They disparage those who leave their camp as shkotzim (revolting creatures). Meanwhile, Skver itself is a hell-hole of sexual abuse, even much worse than most other Hasidic communities. Skver is a cult of sexual perversion, arson, violence, and theft, presided on by their cult leader, the rebbe, Dovid Twersky. It is a veritable Sodom. The shkotzim of Skver deprived Deb Tambor of the final chesed shel emes. They are Hasidim without chesed (kindness).