Predict the Luxury Car the Skvere Rebbe Will Use in Chicago

Bentley

Bentley

Back in 2006, Yitzchok Adlerstein gushed, “After more than a week in Los Angeles, the Skvere Rebbe’s entourage left town today, having bested Hollywood on its home turf.

In Hollywood, props are important. If you are doing street processions, cars are big props. This got me thinking about the Rebbe’s cars. Adlerstein forgot to delve into that detail. But others have given it more attention, because it does matter to the Rebbe.

Cadillac

Cadillac

The Skvere Rebbe, David Twersky, loves his wheels. In his home base, New Square, he rides around in late model Cadillacs with cherry lights which go flashing (all within a village of less than one square mile).

When he went to the Five Towns on Long Island, he was driven around in a Bentley.

Rolls Royce

Rolls Royce

I suppose he could go for a gangster car for Chicago to give it some local flavor. Please share your thoughts on the appropriate car for the Rebbe during his visit on February 20-27.

To assist you in contemplating his options see this listing of prestige cars.

Jaguar

Jaguar

(I have excluded sporty cars which would cramp his hefty frame, ecological trendsetters like the Tesla, and German cars like the Mercedes)

My set of potential choices include:

___ Cadillac (his favorite which he may have ferried in while he flies)

___ Jaguar (it just purrs animal power)

Zil Limousine

Zil Limousine

___ Zil (the preferred limousine of post-Communist functionaries in his native Ukraine)

___ Rolls Royce (it just screams royalty)

___ Lexus (I thought Japan should be included in the line-up)

Lexus LS

Lexus LS

___ Bentley (that was his choice in the Five Towns)

So, readers, what is your best guess on the Rebbe’s choice of cars for the Chicago trip. The reader who correctly predicts the car and provides the best explanation gets bragging rights as a maven on frum follies.

Disclaimer- Yerachmiel Lopin is the sole and final judge. People with inside information are barred from participating in this contest.  Submissions must be clocked by midnight of Wednesday January 19, 2014, CST. The prize will be a citation by Yerachmiel Lopin and the right to brag that you are a maven on ganster rebbes.

Additional Entrants Suggested by Readers:

Pope Mobile___ PopeMobile (aka RebbeShlepper). Will come in either traditional Yom Kippur white or weekday black. Naturally seat fabric will be checked for shatnez and Vatican insignia will be replaced with symbols of Skver Royalty

Gangster 1928 Cadillac___ Gangster car special for Chicago with running boards for house butler to hold lit torches and fend off the riffraff while inviting in those with generous pidyonim (donations given before soliciting advice or a blessing).

Horse drawn wagon___ Traditional Vehicle in Baal Shem Tov Stories. That would be a horse-drawn wagon without much luxury. Since the stories often have him talking to the baal hagalah (wagon driver) I will assume it was not an enclosed coach.

Wagon water or whiskey cropped___ The Shtetl Saar Hamashkin is another candidate. Can handle enough whisky to keep an entire Hasidic community lubricated and joyous till the bill comes due. Pays homage to the many hard working Hasidim who took on tavern concessions from Ukranian, Polish, and Russian nobility. Can also be converted to a fire wagon to quench fires, that are, err…, inadvertantly lit by overly zealous house boys of the Rebbe. It has no seating for the Rebbe, who would have to ride astride a horse. With Purim approaching he has to hope he is seen as Mordechai and not someone else.

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34 thoughts on “Predict the Luxury Car the Skvere Rebbe Will Use in Chicago

  1. nullOne of my readers suggests the Rebbe gets a car with toilet facilities since it would only be fair since he denies those facilities to visitors to the New Square courthouse. I agree that would be fair as a matter of justice. But I suspect that the Rebbe will do quite well on that score, thought maybe he will insist on special bathroom facilities. You know, something elegant. http://www.jaunted.com/files/17070/goldt.jpg

  2. Wait til the Rebbe discovers Motortrend.com for the highest end luxury vehicles. The base price for the Maybach Landaulet convertible is $1.38 million.

    • It is really a Mercedes under another name. Will that matter to the Rebbe? If it doesn’t, here is what the interior looks like. It is a stock photo. No one should chas vicholiloh believe that these are his chasidim. Absolutely not. They are donors.

      https://i0.wp.com/www.automobilesreview.com/img/maybach-landaulet/thumbs/maybach-landaulet-03.jpg

  3. I’m not comfortable with all of this “predicting” that assumes the Rebbe will only use a fancy-shmancy supercharged luxury car. Why not a rickshaw? A Rebbe getting shlepped around in one of these vehicles of yore demonstrates a most classic bourgoise attitude toward the lower forms of walking viscera and flesh- it would make Napolean proud and likley boost the Rebbe’s self esteem a few orders of magnitude. Or, another option: considering the weather in Chicago this time of year, how about a specially outfitted dog sled, complete with flashing lights, refridgerator (for shnaps, herring, dog treats, etc), and dipolmat plates to avoid paying the pesky tolls, and adhering to speed limits, parking restrictions, etc? To quote Martin Luther King- both of these are ideas whose time has come.

    • If the producer of the movie “300” got his history right, what about the system utilized by Persian emperor Xerxes also known in the Bible as Ahasereus from the time of Mordecai & Esther?

      Dozens of servants walked around hunched over with the tyrant & his throne on their backs. When he needed to dismount it was an acrobatic feat on their part.

  4. Just an observation, unlike other rebbes that like the rear seat, the squarer always sits in the front next to the driver.

  5. Most appropriate for him would be the Zil, He is like a communist dictator and his village is like a Potemkin village. He lives like a Czar in palaces and his serfs pay him lots of taxes. He has a KGB which spies on his chassidim who don’t come to shul on time or to tish ; so I say a Zil

  6. this little dictator should be driven around in a prison van straight to the penitentiary,this Ukrainian bastard belongs behind bars,and believe me 90% of the inhabitants of that IR HANIDACHAS,called new square agree with this

    • You know, the more I think about the way this would-be Hasidic Pope lords it over his people with his ostentatious display of ill-gotten wealth the more I have come to be of the opinion that almost any car would be fine for him just so long as it’s driven off the side of the high part of the Tappan Zee bridge (not far from New Square) and comes to rest at the bottom of the Hudson, preferably while giving one or both of the Teitelbaum brothers a lift, preferably with Shaul Spitzer driving.

  7. All great ideas but one problem. Rebbe picked the wrong time to come to Chicago. No one is taking out a nice car with all the salt that has been thrown around all winter. It strips the paint. Also … a fancy car is where the birds do their business and the kids throw the snow balls … so good luck wit dat.

    • People with expensive cars solve the problem with car washes, waxing, and heated garaging. The Zil was built for nasty winter climates. Maybe he will go for a Volvo or Saab, cars also built for nasty winters.

      • Have you been to Chicago …. really … no one cares. The money people get Lexuses, Audis, Infinites … they don’t buy Mazeratis and Bentleys …. and the richest people here have salt marks all over their cars. Seriously … no one in Chicago gives a crap.

  8. An amusing exercise, but if the Skverer Rebbe is coming here at least in part for donations, he won’t let himself be driven around in an ostentatiously expensive car, such as a RR or Bentley. A Cadillac or Lexus will do. (It should go without saying, not a Mercedes or BMW.) A ZIL is probably unobtainable, apart from the association with atheistic communists. And since no one in Chicago, from the goyishe proprietors of local gas stations on up, would dream of denying him the use of a toilet, I doubt that such an accessory will be included.

    It would be a nice demonstration of hashgachah pratit if his car got into a smash-up with a car carrying Chicago Archbishop George or one of his abuse-hiding administrators. But I live far from the neighborhood the Skverer Rebbe will be visiting, and frankly don’t really give a damn.

  9. The headline this morning in the Israeli paper (www.jdn.co.il/) is that the winning bid for the Satmar Rebbe to spend one night at some gevir’s residence during his imminent trip to Jerusalem was $1.1 million.
    So if one night for the Aharoni is $1.1 million , a week with the Skverer ,considering that it several nights and is discounted, should be no less than $3 million. The Skverer might be able to put down a downpayment for a car dealership.
    What many find difficult to comprehend is that there are chasidim, apparently quite a few,who are making big money despite their lack of education. One way of dealing with this is to say it all comes from illicit business dealings.

    • I don’t know where the skverer rebbe is staying but I know they are having a hard time finding placement for his followers who are coming in (duh). Which is weird when you read the list of names on the committee and know that so many of them have huge houses and many of them no longer have little kids taking up their bedrooms. Most of the committee lives in Lincolnwood and Peterson Park and they are now looking for housing in west rogers park. I say … pitch some tents.

    • Yes, of course illicit business dealings! Why not! How about they run houses if ill repute. Actually Letzanusa D’avoida Zara is (the only Letzanus which is) Mutar so before we continue this contest, let’s clearly assert that they actually worship idols when nobody is looking. We might as well allege that, too, since we don’t hate the Chasidim at all and we only mean for the good of society, to warn against our beloved Chassidishe brethren. The Skverer Rebbe, since we have taken to badmouthing him to our hearts content (without knowing him, of course), probably does nothing all day but devise devious ways to commit all sorts of misdeeds. Let’s go! Let’s have a contest of who can think up the juiciest idea of what the Skverer Rebbe could be up to in such twisted activities.
      שפתנו אתנו מי אדון לנו

    • Re the last paragraph of ej above, if what you say is true, why is the Rebbe going to Chicago to raise money among non Chasidim? Why did he go to Los Angeles and the Five Towns in a similar way? Why not raise the funds from his followers? Obviously his Chasidic enterprise is running way in the red.

      You say that quite a few Chasidim are making big money. There are some, but the masses are not. Finally, to imply that charges of improper dealings are dreamed up by people who can’t handle Chasidic financial success and are fabrications is not correct. People know about what goes on among some of them – from personal experience and via others. If you want to live in a dream world, you can, but others prefer to live in the real world.

      P.S. the figures you gave are media reports, but there is no guarantee they are accurate. They could be exaggerated to get others to give. Even if they are, not all pledges in life are always paid, or paid in full.

      • Satmer is obviously richer than Skver…just follow the news on what’s happening in the chasidic courts, who Satmar is supporting, their offer to support yeshivot that don’t take money from the Israeli govt., how many kehila buildings they own and are building, (take a drive on the BQE) …it’s INCREDIBLE. Maybe Hungarians are more geshlifen, more clever than Ukranians.
        As for charedi business crime, not petty welfare cheating, I only go by indictments and convictions. You know because you heard from someone who spoke to so and so who knows…is just that, heresay, lashon harah, sometimes with some truth , sometimes not.

  10. Any Rebbe whose household help thought he’d gain the Rebbe’s favor by setting fire to the home and person of a fellow Hasid who dared to attend a service other than at the Rebbe’s shul AND then this Rebbe failed to come IN PERSON to that member of his flock and make elaborate amends is capable of anything in my personal view. When his flock is on Section 8 and he lords it over them with precious metal cutlery and a huge car with official plate he’s beyond the pale as far as I’m concerned. Humility? Modesty? GIve me a break. I don’t have to know Twersky personally to know down to my smallest toe that he is a reprehensible person any more than I would have needed to know Hitler personally to know the same thing. Actions speak more than loudly enough to enable valid conclusions to be drawn as to the quality of his soul. Give me Pope Francis anyday over any of these Hasidic would-be emperors.

      • I”m not equating Twersky to Hitler though I suppose it came out seeming as if that was my point. I was looking for a malefactor whose evil character is beyond question to use in my analogy, the idea being to say that here is X whom sensible people agree, based on his actions, is evil and therefore it’s reasonable for me, say, to reasonably assert that X is evil without being personally acquainted with him. His actions speak for him. Or something like that. I wrote that while on a train to Boston; not the best environment for producing carefully crafted commentary.

  11. I’ve heard that it’s a rented Cadillac. Strangest thing that I’ve heard is that they’re bringing the Rebbe’s mikvah to Chicago and melting some snow for it. I also heard that the Skvere Rebbetzin is also coming to Chicago, but that she’ll be staying at a different residence than her husband due to “שלום בית” issues. She’ll come to Chicago for his sake, but won’t stay with him. I also heard that food will be prepared at The Midwest Conference Center and served at K.I.N.S. I heard that the Rebbe is trying to raise 2 million dollars for the Skvere Mosdos by coming to Chicago. Without naming names, there’s this rabbi in Chicago with a shul that was receiving calls from Skvere but didn’t answer or return them because he’s more litvish than chassidish. Well, when he went to a relatives wedding recently in Monsey, he was driven afterwards to the Skvere Rebbe for a “talk”. The Rebbe said to him,”Give my regards to פלוני and פלוני, two wealthy members of this Rabbi’s קהילה. This Rabbi is seriously considering going to NY when the Skvere comes to Chicago.

  12. I just saw 2 Monsey Trails buses parked @ the SW corner of Hamlin & Lincoln Aves. in Lincolnwood. Does anyone know if there are there 2 more buses parked somewhere else?

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