Monsey Rabbis Declare: Bodenheimer Is Not Zimri – SATIRE

The Zeal of Phineas, 1430 artworkMany people are chas v’cholilah believing that Rav Gavriel Bodenheimer shlita, menahel of Bais Mikroh is guilty of sexually abusing a young boy for over a year just because a grand jury took testimony and indicted him. But the Torah shows us that Zimri openly consorted with a Midianite and that is why Pinchas killed both of them with a spear.

It is ossur to believe that a respected rav would molest a child in private behind closed doors. After all, he made no secret of the fact that he beat the hell out of kids. If he were to molest kids, he would also do it in public.

Rabbi Gavriel Bodenheimer Bais Mikroh, Principal

Rabbi Gavriel Bodenheimer
Bais Mikroh, Principal

We the undersigned solemnly affirm that not a one of us has ever seen Rav Bodenheimer shlita, ever be sexual with a child he was beating, or even one he was not beating. If he was committing the acts of Zimri we would have seen it.

A pidyon shvuyim fund was created for Rav Bodenheimer to defray the costs of lawyers and perhaps a financial settlement to get the liars to withdraw their bilbul. Every Yid is mechuyav to contribute as much as it is within their ability and power. All of klal Yisroel must act or the DA will recklessly go after other Yidden, and then we won’t have enough dedicated mechanchim.

We thank the chasidish askan Yossi Gestetner who has more experience than us in these matters. He strove mightily on behalf of acheinu bnai Yisroel Rav Yisroel Moshe Weingarten, Rav Nechemya Weberman, Reb Moishe Turner, and many others, Hashem yirachem.

Because the goyish media is trying to turn this into a chillul hashem, Reb Gestetner suggests we not use the word “rabbi” if interviewed. If pressed, reply: “Why are you making this about religion. He is just an innnocent citizen because in America a man is innocent till after the trial.” Repeat this  until the reporter gives up. Also, say, “Mr Bodenheimer is a nice man who successfully educated many through his innovative methods.” It is ossur to say loshon horah to goyim that he beat kids. They will just use it to slander our chinuch mesorah.

If we succeed in “persuading” the false accuser to withdraw the charges, leftover pidyon shvuyim money used to buy other frum shvuyim copies of the sefer, Hilchos Beis Hasohar: The Laws Of Incarceration. The mechaber, Harav Hagaon Reb Getzel (Gezel) Akum shlita never leaves the four cubits of Torah, or his cell. His sefer has a haskomah by the ChaptzemNist Rebbe shlita, well-known for his Chanukah Message on Lashon Horah Mehudar.

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If you prefer being serious about the issue, read  Rabbi Shaya Karlinksy’s How Not To Deal With Allegations of Impropriety

Fedora Tip: Chaim

Update 8/20/14 – Next court appearance for  ()  is Tues Sept 2 b4 Judge W. Nelson on 7 CSA felony counts. Case # 00252-2014

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12 thoughts on “Monsey Rabbis Declare: Bodenheimer Is Not Zimri – SATIRE

    • I hear you. But I have been barraged with comments claiming Bodenheimer couldn’t have done it because they never heard of him doing it. It was getting tiresome answering the absurd logic, so I needed to highlight the absurdity by satire.

      • according to you, yerachmeil there is never a way for a rebbi to defend himself. If he is found not guilty you just say the community pressured the victim not to testify. You know why there are so many of these allegations today? not because there are more cases. The answer is becasue it is not an even playing field. What happens to these ppl when we find out that there allegations were made up? like the kid who accused a 5t rebbi and was found by the DA to have made it up? maybe u should post his name on your site to

    • Just a question: do lie detectors work? Can we get Maury on this ? I know it may not be legally binding, but perhaps just for the innocent, so that he can clear his name.

      BTW, It’s a cheap shot, to mention him beating kids, in this sexual abuse story. If I were his lawyer, I would scream “OBJECTION”. Not relevant.

      • I am mimicking the local talk, which is “I would believe he beats kids; we all knew it and he was open about it; but no one ever suspected him of sexual abuse.” This post satirizes local attitudes, not court processes.

        In court admissibility of physical abuse might or might not be relevant. For example, if this boy was routinely beaten by him, his terror might explain his compliance with something he hated. So yeah a lawyer might scream “objection” but the judge might justifiably overrule the objection.

        • I still say, if he passes a lie detector by Maury, I’d totally believe him. Right or wrong, hitting kids was the norm 25 years ago. From my experiences, the molesting rebbe was more likely to give candy, than beat the kids. But who knows ?

          • The molesting Rabbi that I had in 8th grade ( who thank gd never liked me) beat the living daylights out of some of his students ( including me) AND NEVER GAVE CANDY.

  1. “couldn’t have done it because they never heard of him doing it”. I normally hear about offenders in Australia “I know him and he couldn’t have done it”. Both dangerous and idiotic, but yours even more idiotic.

  2. he obviously never beat him either, because had the boy been properly disciplined he would have never stooped so low to press such outrageous charges.

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