The Shabbos Goy App – SATIRE

smart phone hasidOrthodoxy is resisting the trend to reading things in electronic formats. Manipulating electronics on the Sabbath is forbidden unless lives are in danger. This keeps print medium viable in that world. But less face it, print is expensive and limited.

I am imagining that sooner or later a heter (permissive ruling) will be found involving the electronic incarnation of the shabbos goy (gentile who does things for Jews they cannot themselves do on the sabbath).

If it is a reader along the lines of the Amazon Kindle it will have a very different name. After all, kindling fires is explicitly forbidden on the Sabbath.

They will also have to avoid even the appearance of the reader directly controlling it. So they will invent the electronic shabbos goy. It cannot be Siri for the guys. This would not fly in a world where women’s voices are considered too sexual. It will be a male with a gentile name like Christopher or Stanislaw.

It will never speak. It will never be directly commanded. Instead it will be subtle. Yankel will muse out loud, “I can’t remember the second possuk (verse) in the parsha (weekly Torah reading).” Poof, the text will pop up on the screen.

Rivky will say, “Uncle Heshie does not hold from shabbos apps.” The device will sense the arrival of Heshie and shut down.

Naturally it will come in any color a Haredi Jew requests, as long as it is black.

Because this app will be controversial it might be sold in cases which disguise it such as faux ArtScroll biographies, or guides to the rules of shabbos.

Like most innovations it will be very controversial. The hardliners will come up with new slogans like “Using an eruv leads to the using the shabbos app which in turn leads to mixed dancing.”

Readers, please suggest names for this kosher Kindle.

See also:

Train To Become An Internet Goy™ (Satire)

Joe Hynes is the Real Shabbos Goy


7 thoughts on “The Shabbos Goy App – SATIRE

  1. Perhaps after the impending Singularity , were mind and machine merges, we won’t need a shabbos goy app. We’ll have an actual live-in virtual shabbos goy. Every house will have its own AI Mexican gardener, Black nanny, Polish housekeeper and Hungarian cook. In true Jewish tradition, we won’t even have to pay them!

    • You are confusing me with Shmarya Rosenberg of Failed Messiah. There was no Haredi bashing in this post; just some humor based on real undercurrents. There are serious halachic discussions underway about whether and how to make a Kindle-like appliance usable on shabbos. Such a device might make it possible for a Jew in an outlying community to have a complete library on Shabbos which would match the libraries of major yeshivot and kollelim.

See Commenting policy ( )

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s