A post just went up (5/4/15) on the 5 Towns Jewish Times warning about a sexual predator who preys on young adult women. It was posted by R. Yair Hoffman with the backing of Rabbis Aaron Feldman of Ner Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore and claims the backing of five gedolei hatorah (leading Haredi rabbinical leaders).
As posted on the GYE website on 5/3/15, a day before the 5TJT article
The alleged offender most closely resembles Philip Rosenthal, who was listed as a member of the advisory board of the orthodox anti-porn-addiction organization, Guard Your Eyes/Venishmartem as of yesterday (5/3/15). As of 2 9 p.m. today that page was removed and yields a 404 error. edited to delete his being included on their list of endorsers.
Rabbi Hoffman writes:
There is an individual loose in our community who presents himself as both a therapist and an activist fighting against the dangers of internet pornography addiction. He gives public lectures and speeches in various venues presenting himself as an expert in the field. He has spoken in shuls, Yeshivos, and Bais Yaakovs. He warns young men and young women to stay clear of potential sites and predators. This speaker is eloquent, articulate, and reassuring. He cites facts and figures authoritatively. Yet he has a pattern of eventually getting involved in Biblically forbidden ways with young ladies that reach out to him. These young ladies may be single or even married.
When he speaks at a shul, school or other event, contact with vulnerable young ladies can begin. The contact between the two begins innocently enough, at times, he presents himself as a type of therapist or counselor and promises confidentiality. At first the confidentially is maintained. When the young lady begins to delineate her problem, he explains that the problem is so severe that it must be either dealt with more directly or in person.
The patterns follow typical grooming techniques which are well-documented, of others who attempt to develop inappropriate relationships with unsuspecting victims. They begin by complimenting them. The relationship quickly becomes inappropriate and professional boundaries are not maintained. This individual has an office where he sees people, or he may meet them on a more casual basis. He tells the individuals that they need to develop normal patterns of relationships, and then he models that “normal” pattern of relationship r”l.
This particular individual makes sure that he does not get involved on a physical level with anyone under the age of eighteen. The individual treats his victims as “special” and may even say that this is the first time he has been so “taken” by a person.
If these allegations are true and indeed involve Philip Rosenthal, there are few new wrinkles for a sexual exploiter of young women in the orthodox world. For starters, this guy is a genius. Most predators have to spend time moving from a general connection to sexual topics when grooming. He has a specialty that immediately moves the discussion to sexual matters. Secondly he pulled it off without the prestige of being a rabbi. Unlike Dovid Weinberger, he is not a communal rabbi and popular lecturer. Nor is he a girls’ seminary principal and owner like Elimelech Meisels. However he did have the support of the prominent rabbi and psychiatrist, Abraham J Twerski as reported by Mishpacha Magazine in 2010 and still online today (5/4/15) on the website of Guard Your Eyes. I expect they will now remove it, but there is a copy on the Internet Web Archive.
Factors contributing to his downfall probably include his low status as a modern orthodox, un-ordained, man of modest means and lineage. It probably helps that his acts will not land him in jail.
We can now expect all sorts of groups to start purging their web pages and literature without explicitly taking a position on whether he is a public hazard.
PS- anticipating the possibility that the 5TJT will remove its article, as they did with an article about Elimelech Meisels, I have take the precaution of preserving a copy on the Internet Web Archive.
March 15, 2015 tweet re patient
FRUM FOLLIES by Yerachmiel Lopin 
Phil Rosenthal’s web page lists speaking engagements at many orthodox organizations between 2006 and 2010. His activity may have tapered off after that but definitely continue for a while. I am not sure why he stopped updating after 2010
http://www.philiprosenthal.org/CalendarOfEvents.php or https://web.archive.org/web/20131126232737/http://philiprosenthal.org/CalendarOfEvents.php
2010
October 20 Ramaz Parents (Grades 1-4)
September 1 Areivim
August 31 Memphis Community Presentation
July 8 Australia – Melbourne/Sydney Communities
June 22 Keter Tora – Deal, NJ
May 24 Bais Yaakov d’Reb Meir
May 17 Beth Jacob Boro Park
May 10 Bais Yaakov – Cleveland, OH
May 6 Torah u’Mesorah Convention
May 4 Bais Yaakov Adas Yereim – Wein
April 29 Sacred Lives
April 22 Ezer NW – London
March 3 Toronto
March 2 Bais Yaakov Toronto
February 24 Bais Rivka – Crown Heights
January 25 Minneapolis
January 6 Bruriah & RTMA – Elizabeth, NJ
January 6 Bruriah Girls – Elizabeth, NJ
January 6 Bruriah Girls – Elizabeth, NJ
January 6 RTMA – Elizabeth, NJ
January 5 JEC Parents – Elizabeth, NJ
2009
December 24 Agudath Israel – Chicago
November 26 Agudath Israel Convention – NJ
October 20 Bnos Malka YI KGH
September 25 Internet Safety Events – Planning session – MN (Oct 26-28)
September 25 Internet Safety Events – Planning session – MN (Oct 26-28)
September 10 Kushner Academy – Livingston, NJ
September 9 Internet Safety Presentation -Brooklyn DA
August 13 Camp Sternberg
May 5 YCQ Parents
May 5 YCQ Students
May 1 Yeshiva University
April 22 WCHB Interview – Detroit
March 16 Ramaz Parents Night
February 26 Rabbi Tendler’s Yeshiva – LA
February 26 Rabbi Tendler’s Yeshiva – LA
February 14 Bnos Bais Yaakov – Far Rockaway
February 8 Kolel Bais Yitchak – Brooklyn
February 4 Moriah Day School – Englewood, NJ
February 3 Moriah Day School – Englewood, NJ
February 2 Moriah Day School – Englewood, NJ
February 2 Moriah Day School – Englewood, NJ
January 28 Yeshiva Ktana of Manhattan
January 28 Yeshiva Ktana of Manhattan
January 18 Yeshiva Ktana of Passaic
January 6 ASHAR – Community – Monsey
January 6 ASHAR – Students – Monsey
January 4 Nefesh Conference
2008
December 17 Mayanot Parents – Teaneck
December 17 Mayanot Students – Teaneck
December 16 Yavneh Academy – LA
December 15 YULA Boys – LA
December 15 YULA Girls – LA
December 15 YULA Parents – LA
November 25 Valley Torah High School – LA
November 25 Valley Torah High School – LA
November 23 Shaare Tzedek – LA
November 16 Priority 1 – Family Night
September 23 YBH of Passaic-Hillel
September 2 Bnos Bais Yakov – Far Rockaway
August 27 Bruria – Freshman Night
July 7 Priority-1 – Parenting Expo
June 3 Ramaz Middle School
May 29 Westchester Day School
May 29 Westchester Day School
May 12 North Shore Hebrew Academy
May 4 St. Louis – Priority 1
April 2 Mayanot/TABC
March 16 SUNY Binghamton
March 4 HAFTR High School
February 28 Yeshiva University – Teleconference
February 21 Yeshiva University – Teleconference
February 6 Hebrew Academy of Nassau County
February 5 Hebrew Academy of Long Beach
2007
December 26 Yeshiva of South Shore
December 18 Bais Rivka HS – Crown Heights
December 18 Bais Rivka HS – Crown Heights
November 14 HALB – Long Island
November 13 Bialistoker Shul – Manhattan
November 12 Yavneh Academy – Paramus
November 6 Young Israel/Task Force
October 30 Yeshiva of South Shore
September 4 Manhattan Girls School
August 28 Bruriah High School – Elizabeth, NJ
June 7 MASK
June 1 Manhattan Girls School
June 1 Manhattan Girls School
May 10 Skokie Community Kollel
May 10 Skokie Community Kollel
May 9 Ohelei Torah – Crown Heights
May 2 Yeshiva of Flatbush
May 1 Rebbetzin Conference – Agudath Yisrael
April 30 Park East Day School – Manhattan
April 30 Park East Day School – Manhattan
April 30 Park East Day School – Manhattan
April 30 Park East Day School – Manhattan
April 29 Project Identity of Great Neck
April 26 Yeshiva Shaare Torah – Flatbush
April 18 Shulamith School – Flatbush
April 17 Shulamith School – Flatbush
March 29 Peekskill Rotary
March 24 Young Israel Jamaica Estates
March 21 North Shore Hebrew Academy
March 20 Scarsdale Adult School
March 15 Weinbaum Yeshiva High School – Boca Raton
March 15 Weinbaum Yeshiva High School – Boca Raton
March 14 Weinbaum Yeshiva High School – Boca Raton
March 13 Scarsdale Adult School
March 11 Congregation Beth Abraham – Bergenfield, NJ
February 15 Mahwah Police
February 13 N. Shore Hebrew Academy
February 7 Hebrew Academy of Nassau County
February 5 Magen David High School – Brooklyn
February 5 Magen David High School – Brooklyn
February 5 Magen David High School – Brooklyn
January 27 Young Israel of Century City – LA
January 20 Nefesh/BJFS – Brooklyn
January 8 Hillel Yeshiva – Ocean Township, NJ
2006
December 25 Nefesh/Young Israel – Congregation Beth Shalom
December 5 Solomon Schechter – Queens
November 27 Manhattan Day School – Parents
November 27 Manhattan Day School – Students
November 14 Yeshivat Noam – Bergenfield, NJ
November 7 Magen David – Flatbush
October 24 HAFTR – Five Towns
October 18 Magen David – Flatbush
September 18 Ezer Northwest – London
September 17 Manchester, UK
September 12 Rambam – HAFTR – Five Towns
September 11 Rambam – HAFTR – Five Towns
September 10 Rambam – HAFTR – Five Towns
September 8 Hillel School – Pittsburgh, PA
September 7 Chabad Boys – Pittsburgh, PA
September 7 Institute for Jewish Learning – Pittsburgh, PA
August 30 Bruriah High School – Elizabeth, NJ
August 29 Bruriah High School – Elizabeth, NJ
August 29 Bruriah High School – Elizabeth, NJ
August 7 Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch – Chabad
June 20 Brooklyn Youth Council
June 11 Bais Yaakov of LA
June 11 Toras Emes Boys – LA
June 9 Toras Emes Girls – LA
June 7 Jewish Board of Family Services – Riverdale
June 4 National Council of Young Israel – Dinner
May 22 Jewish Family Services – LA
May 21 Jewish Family Services – LA
May 19 Maimonides School – LA
May 14 Ohel Bais Ezra – Five Towns
May 9 Yeshiva of Central Queens
May 9 Yeshiva of Central Queens
May 7 Cong. Adas Israel – Passaic, NJ
May 7 Torah Web – West Orange, NJ
April 30 Torah Academy of Philadelphia
April 4 Green Acres School – Scarsdale, NY
March 28 Ilan High School – Deal, NJ
March 26 Nefesh Chicago
This fox had access to a whole lot of hen houses! Isn’t it good that all these fine folk now know the danger of internet porn?
What is more dangerous, a Gadol with unchecked and unbalanced power signing an internet ban, or a fox given the keys to the hen house?
He didn’t say who the person was. Why are you accusing someone? That might be a little premature. Sounds like someone in the 5towns. Rosenthal is in Monsey, I believe.
Cannot view this your site now asks for a secure connection yet one cannot be established. Why is this an https:// connection now? Was it always?
Seth
> Yerachmiel Lopin posted: “A post just went up (5/1/15) on the 5 Towns Jewish > Times warning about a sexual predator who preys on young adult women. It was > posted by R. Yair Hoffman with the backing of Rabbis Aaron Feldman of Ner > Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore and Dovid Harp” >
I don’t know. Others don’t have that problem so I suspect it is your computer.
בס”ד “היופי” והדרך להצלחה בשמירת עיניים…
הנה באהבת הבורא יתברך שמו אותנו, ויודע שאנחנו דור חלש ויש לנו הרבה ניסיונות, אעפ”כ נבחרנו לעשות התיקונים על כל העבירות ופגמים של כל הדורות הקודמים. (כולל דור המבול דור הפלגה ודור המדבר וכו’) תפקידינו העיקרי בעוה”ז לתקן כל מה שקלקלו כל הדורות בגלגולים הקודמים. היום נראה לכל בעל דעת שאנחנו כבר בזמן האחרון שלפני הגאולה, כדי שנוכל לתקן (פגמי) העבירות לשעבר. הזמן הזה ידוע כזמן של “אחרית הימים” ממש סוף הגלות, זמן קצר לפני ביאת משיח צדקנו.
על הדור שלנו שהוא דור חלש ברוחניות גם ידוע בחז”ל כהדור של “עקבתא דמשיחא” (תקופה האחרונה שלפני ביאת המשיח) ומזמן כבר גילו לנו רבותינו ז”ל שתהא התקופה הזאת קשה לנו ברוחניות ובגשמיות, הרבה צער ומכאובים ר”ל, כמבואר במשנה (סוטה מט)
בעקבות משיחא: חוצפא יסגא (תִתרבה) ויוקר יאמיר, הגפן תתן פריה והיין ביוקר, ומלכות תהפך למינות, (אפיקורסות) ואין תוכחת, בית וועד יהיה לזנות, והגליל יחרב, והגבלן יישום, (“הגבול” יהי’ ריק) ואנשי הגבול יסובבו מעיר לעיר ולא יחוננו, וחכמות סופרים תסרח, ויראי חטא ימאסו, והאמת תהא נעדרת, נערים פני זקנים ילבינו, זקנים יעמדו מפני קטנים, בן מנוול אב, בת קמה באמה, כלה בחמותה, אויבי איש אנשי ביתו, פני הדור כפני הכלב, הבן אינו מתבייש מאביו ועל מה יש לנו להישען [רק] על אבינו שבשמים
ולצערנו נראה שיש בדורנו אפ’ בין הציבור החשוב, אלו שלא מרצונם ולא מידיעתם מעכבים הגאולה ח”ו, וכגון אלו שלפעמים נכשלים בראיות אסורות, וידוע ע”פ דברי חז”ל שכל הבטה אסורה (שבמזיד) אפילו לרגע א’ גורמת לנו אריכות הגלות, ויסורים רוחניים, ויש עוד קבוצה חשובה שבאמת רוצים לשמור על עיניהם שמרגישים שכל העתיד תלוי בזה אבל לא מצליחים כל פעם להגן עליהם, ואעפ”כ מתאמצים בכל כוחם לשמור על עצמם, משום שלימדו אותם שחייב כָּל אָדָם לְהַרְבּוֹת בִּשְׁמִירָה והם רק יוצאים להתפלל וללמוד, ולא מסתובבים סתם ברחוב ולפעמים הם ג”כ נכשלים, אבל בחסדי השם ית’ יש לנו חלק מהציבור שיודעים שאע”פ שנכשלו חייבים להמשיך ללחום בכל תוקף וברציפות בלי שום הפסק, ומוסרים נפשם להיזהר, ובכל הצלחה שלהם עושים רעש ושמחה גדולה בשמים, ולפעמים אחרי הצלחות רבות שוב נכשלים ח”ו, ולצערנו רואים שהניסיונות נהייתה קשה מיום ליום, ושואלים איך להתחזק במצב הקשה הזה
לכן, ראשית כל, הסגולה הראשונה והכלל להצלחה ברוחניות היא, לזכור תמיד הסוד הגדול שבכלל אין ייאוש בעולם הזה, ולחיות בתמימות ומקושרים להקב”ה כי התמימות היא ההצלחה ושלימות האדם, ולעולם לא להתייאש מניסיונות כושלות, וכמ”ש במדרש תהלים (כב) “אלמלא נפלתי – לא קמתי” ובאמת יש לכולנו האפשרות בס”ד להגיע למדרגה של שליטה “שלמה” על העיניים, עד שאין שום שליטה מהיצר עלינו בנושא הזה, רק צריכים לזכור ולהרגיש ולהאמין בכל ליבו שאפשרי להגיע אליו בס”ד, אחרי יגיעה רבה ומלחמות תמידיות נגד היצר, ובכדי לזכות לניצחון הזה, שזה מגודל חסדי ד’ יתברך שמו, עלינו להתחזק ולעלות מעלה מעלה באופן תמידי להמשיך המלחמה ברציפות בלי שום הפסק כלל וכלל, במסילה העולה בית קל.
עוד סגולה להתחזקות, שחייבים לזכור כל ימינו, שברגע אחד של התגברות כשֶׁעוצם אֶת עֵינָיו לא להסתכל… הוא זוכה לקבל כוח חזק מהקב”ה מִדָּה כְנֶגֶד מִדָּה מברכת ד’, להתגבר על תאוותו בנסיון הבאה, והוא מְשַׁמֵּחַ אֶת ד’ (פסחים קיג) ומרוויח “עולם מלא טוּב” על כל פעם שהוא מצליח להתגבר ולסגור את עיניו מול רצון ליבו, כמ”ש מצוה גוררת מצוה, ואילולי הקב”ה עוזרו אינו יכול לו, ומהתחזקות ההיא מרוויח להתקרב מיד להקב”ה, בהרגשת “רצוננו לעשות רצונך” ואח”כ בס”ד יזכה להמשיך עליו דרגות גדולות של צדיקים אמתיים, כמי שטרח בערב שבת יאכל בשבת, ו”הבא ליטהר – מסייעין אותו”.
אבל מובן שיזכו לתענוג הנ”ל רק אלו הלוחמים בכל כוחם נגד יצרם במלחמה תמידות, ובאמונה פשוטה, ש”לא לרדוף אחר מראה עיניהם” בלי הפסק, וכמו שהתינוק לעולם לא ילמד ללכת ברגליו אם יסתפק רק בפסיעתו הראשונית ויפול, אלא יש לו להמשיך ולצעוד הלאה מבלי להתייאש. ואף אם התינוק נופל פעם אחר פעם, הוא מרגיש שצריך לקום ולנסות שוב, ורק כך יוכל לרכוש את דרך ההליכה, ולהבדיל אף ההליכה במצות התורה גם כך בנפילות ובמעידות, אך החכמה היא לא להתייאש מאותן נפילות, אלא לקום מיד, (כי נפלתי קמתי!) לקום להתנער ולהמשיך לצעוד הלאה כאותו תינוק עקשן שאינו מתייאש מהנפילות, וממשיך לנסות במטרתו עד אשר מצליח ללכת כברת דרך ארוכה בביטחון וביציבות כל ימיו. אבל רק אם פסיעה בודדת, לא מקדמת אותנו אל עבר המטרה האמתית, וכשמצרף אותה פסיעה, בעוד פסיעות נצחיות, אז זוכים להצלחת השלמות, בס”ד כשיתעוררו עליו רחמנות ממעל, כמ”ש חז”ל “מתוך נפילה קימה”) ילקוט מיכה ז, תקנח (ו”יגעתי ומצאתי תאמין” (מגילה ו: )
כל הצלחתינו ברוחניות ובגשמיות תלוי בהצלחתנו בשמירת העניים שלנו, אֵין רְצֹון ד’ יתברך שמו לעד, לְהַכְבִיד ולְהַקְשֹות עַל הָּאדָּם וְלַהֲפֹךְ אֶת חַיָּיו לְבִלְתִי נִסְבָּלִים. אדְרַבָּה וְַאדְרַבָּה, הַקָּבָּ”ה מֹורֶה לָּאדָּם לָּלֶכֶת בְדַרְכֹו שֶל עֹולָּם וְלִנְהֹג כְמִנְהַגהָּ, לֹא לִפְרֹש וְלֹא לְהַזִהיר עַצְמֹו מֵאֲכִילָּה ושְתִיָּה וכו’ ומִשְָאר דַרְכֵי הָּעֹולָּם, אֶלָּא שֶעָלָּיו להתנהג עַל פִי מִצְוֹות הַתֹורָּה הקדושה בתמימות, כי התמימות היא השלימות הגדולה ביותר.
לכן בגדר תן לחכם ויחכם עוד נשתדל בס”ד בעצה טובה לבאר הענין בדרך קל ופשוט בדוגמאות וסיפורים ששייך להתחזק מהם אפ’ לדור החלש הזה, להינצל ממצודה של היצר הרע בענין המר הזה, ובסוף ירגישו האור… ויאמר החלש חזק אני
בהרבה ספרים הקדושים מבואר: ש – רק ע”י מלחמה התמידית, ובתפלה בכוונה, ועסק התורה, בכל גופו, בכל לבבו, ובכל נפשו מפנימות הלב, שייך להתמודד ולהינצל מניסיונות הקשות, וכשמצליחים לנצח את היצר הרע, זוכים אז מיד להשפעות טובות מלמעלה, ולהמשכת טהרת הנפש, ומחילת העוונות. יה”ר מלפני אבינו שבשמים שנזכה להתחזק בשמירת עיניים באמת ובתמים בתוך שאר כלל ישראל
הנה כולנו אוֹמֵרים בִּקְרִיאַת שְׁמָע “וְלֹא תָּתוּרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם אֲשֶׁר אַתֶּם זוֹנִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם” וְכָתַב רַבֵּינוּ יוֹנָה (ש”ת שער ג סד) וְגַם רַבִּים נוֹקְשִׁים וְנִלְכָּדִים בְּחַלְּלָם הַחוּשִׁים הַנִּכְבָּדִים, חוּשׁ הָרְאוּת, וְחוּשׁ הַשֵּׁמַע. וְנֶאֱמַר עַל חוּשׁ הָרְאוּת וְלֹא תָתוּרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם, (במדבר טו, לט) הֻזְהַרְנוּ בָזֶה, שֶׁלֹּא יִסְתַּכֵּל אָדָם בְּאֵשֶׁת אִישׁ (ופנויות אסור מדרבנן) וּבִשְׁאָר עֲרָיוֹת פֶּן יִוָּקֵשׁ בָּהֵן.
כָּתוּב בְּאוֹרְחוֹת חַיִּים, שאָסוּר לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּאֵשֶׁת אִישׁ מִן הַתּוֹרָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְלֹא תָּתוּרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם וְגם אָסוּר לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בִּפְנוּיָה מִדִּבְרֵי קַבָּלָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בְּרִית כָּרַתִּי לְעֵינָי וּמָה אֶתְבּוֹנֵן עַל בְּתוּלָה. וְכָל הַמִּסְתַּכֵּל בְּאֵשֶׁת אִישׁ מַכְשִׁיל וּמַכְחִישׁ כֹּח יִצְרוֹ הַטּוֹב וְהוֹדוֹ נֶהְפָּךְ עָלָיו לְמַשְׁחִית ח”ו, וְיֵשׁ אִסּוּר נוֹסַף מִן הַתּוֹרָהּ וְהוּא לְהַרְהֵר בְּאִשָּׁה כְּלוֹמַר לַחֲשֹׁב עָלֶיהָ מַחְשָׁבָה שֶׁל תַּאֲוָה וַאֲפִלּוּ היא פְּנוּיָה, וְחָמוּר הִרְהוּר פְּנוּיָה אפילו מִמַגַעָה, שֶׁעַל הַהִרְהוּר עוֹבֵר בְּלָאו מִן הַתּוֹרָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דְּבָרִים כג י) וְנִשְׁמַרְתָּ מִכֹּל דָּבָר רַע וּפֵרְשׁוּ רַזַ”ל (ע”ז כ: ) שֶׁלֹּא יְהַרְהֵר בְּיוֹם וְיָבוֹא לִידֵי טֻמְאָה בְּלַיְלָה עכ”ל (בית יוסף אבן העזר א)
על העונש של הסתכלות בדברים אסורים, כתוב בְּסֵפֶר “קַב הַיָּשָׁר” בְּשֵׁם הָאֲרִ”י ז”ל שיֵשׁ עוֹף הַנִּקְרָא בְּתוֹרָה “רָאָה”, וְאָמְרוּ חֲזַ”ל הַפּוֹגֵם בְעֵינָיו וּמִסְתַּכֵּל בְּנָשִׁים עוֹנְשׁוֹ שֶׁיִּתְגַּלְגֵּל בְּעוֹף זֶה מִדָּה כְּנֶגֶד מִדָּה וְסוֹבֵל שָׁם צַעַר גָּדוֹל ר”ל. בָּכל רֶגַע שֶׁאָדָם נִכְשָׁל בהֲנָאָה מִמַּרְאָה אִשָּׁה, הוּא עוֹבֵר עַל אִסּוּר מֵהַתּוֹרָה. וְהֶחָכָם עֵינָיו בְּרֹאשׁוֹ שֶׁבְּרֶגַע הָרִאשׁוֹן עוֹצֵר אֶת עַצְמוֹ וְלֹא מִסְתַּכֵּל.
כתוב בספר החנוך אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִ”לִ שֶׁאָסוּר לְהִסְתַּכֵּל אֲפִילּוּ רק בִשְׂעָרָהּ שֶׁל אִשָּׁה הָאֲסוּרָה לוֹ, וַאֲפִילּוּ לִשְׁמוֹעַ קוֹלָהּ לְכַוָּנָה שֶׁיֵּהָנֶה בָהּ אָסוּר, וַאֲפִלּוּ לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּבִגְדֵי צֶבַע שֶׁל אִשָּׁה, כּשֶׁמַּכִּיר הָאִשָּׁה הַלּוֹבֶשֶׁת אוֹתָן אסור, לְפִי שֶׁמִּתּוֹךְ רְאִיַּת הַמַּלְבּוּשׁ יָבוֹא לְהַרְהֵר בָּהּ. וְהִרְחִיקוּ שֶׁלֹּא לִשְׁאֹל בִּשְׁלוֹם אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ כְּלָל, וַאֲפִלּוּ עַל יְדֵי בַעְלָהּ, (קידושין עב. ובתוס’ ד”ה אין) לְפִי שֶׁעִנְיָן זֶה קָשֶׁה מְאֹד וְיֵצֶר הָרַע חָזָק בּוֹ, ע”כ צָרִיךְ כָּל אָדָם לְהַרְבּוֹת בִּשְׁמִירָה יתירה, בִּפְרָט בִימינו שֶׁהַיֵּצֶר הָרַע חזק מאוד וְהַפְּרִיצוֹת פּוֹרֶצֶת גְּבוּלוֹת לֹא נִתָּן לָּנוּ אֶלָּא לִבְרֹחַ מּכלִ חֲשָׁשׁ שֶׁל נִסָּיוֹן כֵּיוָן שֶׁהַסַּכָּנָה אוֹרֶבֶת, וְאֵין אפילו אֶחָד שֶׁיָּכֹל לוֹמַר זֶה לֹא יִקְרֵה לִּי, כִּי בְּרִגְעֵי הַנִּסָּיוֹן היצר בוער כאש וכָּל אחד יָכֹל לִפֹּל ברגע אחד ח”ו, כמ”ש חז”ל אין אפוטרופוס לעריות. (כתובות יג: )
בספר שמירת עיניים כהלכתה כתוב שטָעוּת הִיא לַחְשׁוֹב שֶׁמצות שְּׁמִירַת עֵינַיִים רַק חוּמְרָא לַאנשי מעשה וחֲסִידִים כו’, אֵלָא יֶשׁ לנו אִיסּוּר מֵהַתּוֹרָה לְהִסְתַּכֵּל עַל נָשִׁים, וּבְכָל מַבָּט בְּאִשָּׁה, בֵּין צְנוּעָה וְכֹל שֶׁכֵּן שֶׁאֵינָהּ צְנוּעָה הכל אסור. יֵשׁ לָדַעַת שאֵין כָּאן חוּמְרָא וְאֵין כָּאן הַגְזָמָה אֵלָא יֵשׁ אִסּוּר מַמָּשׁ, וזֶהוּ מעִקָּר דִּין הַתּוֹרָה שֶאָסוּר לְהִסְתַּכֵּל עַל נָשִׁים. יש חוֹשְׁבִים שֶׁמצות שמירת עינים רַק לְקִיצוֹנִים, אֲבָל הָאֱמֶת היא שהִיא אחד מתרי”ג מצות, וכּל אָדָם מְחוּיָּיב עַל פִּי הַתּוֹרָה לִשְׁמוֹר עַל עֵינָיו ולהתייגע שלֹא לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בדברים אסורים, ואמרו חכמים, כל מי שאינו מסתכל בנשים, אין יצר הרע שולט בו. (מדרש יל”ש פר’ ויחי רמז קס”א)
לא לחשוב שקיום מצות שְׁמִירַת עֵינַיִם הם דרגות גדולות רַק לצדיקים לרבנים לגדולי – הדור לתלמידי – חכמים וְאַדְמוֹ”רִים וכו’, משום שכְּשם שֶׁנִזְהַרים שֶׁלֹּא לאכול מַאַכְלֵי אִסּוּר, וּמַקְפִּידים לִשְׁמֹר הַשַּׁבָּת, וְלָצוּם בְּיוֹם כִּפּוּר, ומֵנִיחים תְּפִלִּין, ולובשים ציצית, וּשְׁאָר מִצְווֹת הַתּוֹרָה, כָּךְ צָרִיךְ לְהִזָּהֵר בִּרְאִיוֹת אֲסוּרוֹת, ובפרט בנשים שֶׁאֵינָן צְנועות, ומצוה זו נוהגת בכל עת בכל מקום ובכל זמן כגון בַּבַּיִת, בָרְחוֹב, בחנויות, בתור בבנק, באוטובוס, בשמחות, בבית הכנסת, בלוויות, ואפ’ בית אבל ר”ל וכו’.
עוד כתב: שאסור לאדם לוֹמַר עַל אִיסּוּר זֶה מהתורה אֲנִי מַקְפִּיד, וְעַל אִסּוּר זֶה מהתורה אֲנִי מְקיל, משום שהֲרֵי כָּל הָאִיסּוּרִים נִתְּנוּ לנו בהר סיני וְאֵין לָּנוּ רְשׁוּת להקל בהן, כּל המצות חייבים לקיים בשלימות. כמ”ש רבינו יונה (שער א אות ו) כֹּל שׁאֵינוֹ נִזְהָר מֵחֵטְא מְסֻיָּם בְּאֹפֶן קָבוּעַ וּמְוַתֵּר עַל הָאִסּוּר וְאֵינוֹ מְקַבֵּל עַל נַפְשׁוֹ לְהִישָּׁמֵר מִמֶּנּוּ, גַּם אִם הוּא מֵהָעֲוֹנוֹת הַקַּלִּים, אַעַ”פִּ שֶׁהוּא נִזְהָר מִכָּל הָעֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה, קְרָאוּהוּ חַכְמֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל מוּמָר לְדָבָר אֶחָד, וְאֶת פּוֹשְׁעִים נִמְנָה, וְגָדוֹל עֲוֹנוֹ מִנְּשׂא.
כל הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה הוּא “עוֹלָם שֶׁל נִסְּיוֹנוֹת” וְהָרְחוֹב שלנו מָלֵא פִּיתּוּיִים וְקָשֶׁה לַעֲמֹד כְּנֶגְדָּם, בכל זאת אָנוּ חַיָּיבִים לַעֲמוֹד בְּנִסָּיוֹן, וְלֹא לְהִישָּׁבֵר מִנְּפִילוֹת. עוד צָרִיךְ לָדַעַת שהַקּוֹשִׁי בנסיונות הוּא אך ורק בָּרְגָעִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים, בִּרְגָעִים שמִתְקַיֶּמֶת מִלְחָמָה פְּנִימִית לְהִסְתַּכֵּל אוֹ לֹא לְהִסְתַּכֵּל לַחְטוֹא אוֹ לְא, דַרְכּוֹ שֶׁל הַיֵּצֶר לְפַתּוֹת רַק לְהָצִיץ, לַחֲטֹא מְעַט וְאַחַר כָּךְ מְפַתֶּה לַחֲטֹא הַרְבֵּה… וזה רק כשלֹּא מִתְּאַפְּקִים, וּמִסְתַּכְּלִים אֲפִלּוּ לִשְׁנִיָּה אַחַת, הַיֵּצֶר תּוֹפֵס אוֹתו וּמוֹשֵׁךְ אותו לְהִסְתַּכֵּל עוֹד וְעוֹד מִבְּלִי רָצוֹן לְהַפְסִיק ח”ו.
גם צריך כל אדם להשגיח היטב לבל יריח שום ריח אסורה ובפרט ריח מבשמים שעל נשים “שאין לך גירוי יצר גדול מזה” וכל כיו”ב, כי ידוע שבריחות אלו יש כוח רע חזק וטמא לפעול ירידה גדולה ברוחנית במהרה, כמבואר בירושלמי (חגיגה פ”ב ה”א) שזה אחת מהסיבות שגרם לאלישע בן אבויה לצאת לתרבות רעה השם ישמרנו ע”ש.
וכַּאַשֶׁר נִתְקַל בְּראִיה אֲסוּרָה וּמִתּוֹךְ סַקְרָנוּת הוא ממשיך להסְתַּכֵּל, הֲרֵי זוֹ הוֹכָחָה בְּרוּרָה שֶׁהוּא נָגוּעַ בַּחוֹלִי שֶׁל “לִרְאוֹת”. כשהוּא אפ’ לֹא חוֹשֵׁב, ולא מתגבר לְהוֹרִיד אֵת עיניו מִיָּד, זה סִימָן שֶׁהוּא לֹא מֵבִין אֵת הַמַּשְׁמָעוּת שֶׁל חומר הענין של רְאִיָּה אֲסוּרָה, אִם הוּא עוֹבֵר בִּרְחוֹב וְעוֹבֶרֶת לְפָנָיו אִשָּׁה וְאֲפִילּוּ הַצְנוּעָה בְּיוֹתֵר וּמִתּוֹךְ סַקְרָנוּת מִסְתַּכֵּל וממשיך… זֶה סִימָן שֶׁהוּא לֹא שׁוֹמֵר עַל הָעֵינַיִם, וּכְשֶׁהַמַּצָּב כָּךְ, זֶה אוֹמֶר שֶׁהוא צָּרִיךְ לַחֲזֹר בִּתְשׁוּבָה מִיָּדִ, ולְהַפְסִיק לְהִסְתַּכֵּל עַל כָּל דְּמוּת אפילו במרחק שֶׁמֵּעֵבֶר לַכְּבִישׁ – לרחוב, ולִהְיוֹת אָדָם הַשּׁוֹמֵר עַל הָעֵינַיִם ולֹא מִסְתַּכֵּל עַל דברים אסורים כְּלָל כְּפִי שֶׁנִּפְסַק בְּדִבְרֵי חֲזַ”ל.
בדורינו כבר ידוע לנו, שאדם הממשיך לִהסְתַּכֵּל עַל דברים האסורים, אֵין לוֹ שַׁלְוַת הנֶפֶשׁ, וְלֹא שִׂמְחת החיים, וְחָסֵר לוֹ הַשָּׁלוֹם בַּבָּיִת. כל אָדָם יָכֹול לְנַסּוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ ויראה שֶׁלְּאַחַר שֶׁהוּא פָגַם בְּעֵינַיִם ח”ו, יַבְחִין שֶׁכְּבַר בְּשָׁעוֹת הַקְּרוֹבוֹת הוּא לא מרגיש כ”כ שמחת החיים, וְכגון יָרִיב עִם אִשְׁתּוֹ אוֹ סְבִיבָתוֹ, אבל הֶחָכָם שכְּבָר בְּרֶגַע הָרִאשׁוֹן עוֹצֵר אֶת עַצְמוֹ וְלֹא מִסְתַּכֵּל, מיד מרוויח: נחת וְשמחה וְעליה רוחנית, וקשר לאבינו שבשמים.
הַהַשְׁפָּעָה שֶׁל מַרְאֵה אָסוּרה גורם פגם בנפשנו, ואֲפִילּוּ כְּשֶׁמִּסְתַּכֵּל עַל סתם אִשָּׁה כגון שֶׁכינו, או בגן, או בחנות, או בשמחות, או אפילו באלבום – תמונות שמופיעות שם נשים אפ’ ממשפחתו, וכדומה, מִלְּבַד שֶׁהוּא עוֹבֵר עָל אִסּוּר שֶׁל ‘לֹא תָתוּרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם’ (אֲפִילּוּ כשֶׁהִיא צְנוּעָה) הוּא גּוֹרֵם לְנַפְשׁוֹ נֵזֶק רוּחָנִי, שיש השפעה רע מכָּל פְּגִיעָה בִּרְאִיוֹת אֲסוּרוֹת שמְקַלקלֶת הַנְּשָׁמָה, ולפעמים גורם עצבות לעצמו ח”ו, וּכְשֶׁיּוֹדְעִים אֶת הַדרך שֶׁל הַיֵּצֶר ומַצְלִיחִים לְהִתְאַפֵּק וְלֹא לְהִסְתַּכֵּל ונלְחמים כְּנֶגְדּוֹ כְּבָר בָּרֶגַע הַרִאשׁוֹן, אָז הַהֶמְשֵׁךְ הרבה יוֹתֵר קַל, בסיוע מן השמים מִדָּה כְנֶגֶד מִדָּה. ואז מנצחים היצר, וְכָךְ לא יהא הָרָצוֹן לְהַמְשִׁיךְ לַחְטוֹא. וכשמתחברים לצד הטוב כשמתגברים ומנצחים, אז זוכים לקדושה ו’לשמחה רבה’ בכפל כפלים! כמ”ש ‘”והתקדשתם והייתם קדושים” אדם מקדש עצמו מעט מקדשים אותו הרבה. כמ”ש (יומא לח: ) “הבא ליטהר מסייעין אותו” לא מספיק רק לרצות בלב, אלא צריך להתחיל בפועל לעשות המעשה
וכן אָדָם ההוֹלֵךְ בְּדַרְכּוֹ וּפִתְאוֹם מוֹפִיעָה מוּלוֹ מראה שֶׁאֵינָהּ צְנוּעָה, ומיד מִתְנַהֶלֶת בְּתוֹכוֹ מִלְחֶמֶת יְצָרִים לְהִסְתַּכֵּל אוֹ לֹא לְהִסְתַּכֵּל, ומיד הוּא מַחְלִיט לְסוֹבֵב אֵת הָרֹאשׁ עַד שֶׁהִיא תַּעֲבוֹר, וּכְשֶׁהוּא מְסוֹבֵב אֵת הָרֹאשׁ, הוּא פתאום שוב רוֹאֶה נָשִׁים נוֹסָפוֹת מְהַלְּכוֹת מִמּוּל, וְרוֹצֶה לִשְׁמוֹר עַל עַצְמוֹ, וְמיד מַחְלִיט לְהִסְתַּכֵּל רַק עַל הָאָרֶץ, אֲך גַּם שָׁם הוּא גם נכשל בפרוצה, בקיצור המלבושים, או גילוי צורת השוק המכוסה בגרביים שקופות, או בצבע הרגל, וכדומה, אע”פ כן הוא נחשב בשמים לאדם כשר, משום שכָּל מִי שֶׁמְּנַסֶּה בכל כוחו! להתחזק ולִשְׁמוֹר עַל הָעֵינַיִם יכול ליתְקַל בִּמְצִיאוּת כָּזוֹ, אבל “אין הקב”ה בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו” (ע”ז ג’) ובמד”ר (שמוח פ’ ל”ד) אין הקב”ה בא בטרחות עם בריותיו.
ידוע שהקב”ה לא חושב שאנחנו מלאכים, מלאכים יש לו בשמיים, אנחנו בני האדם לא מלאכים, והוא לא מצפה שנחיה כמלאכים, אלא הוא מצפה שננסה להתקרב אליו “בכל כוחינו”. וזה אפילו בְּיָמֵינוּ שֶיֵשׁ קֹשִׁי רַב לִשְׁמוֹר עַל הָעֵינַיִם, אם כָל זֹּה חייבים להתְאַמּץ ולהילחם בכל כוחנו לִשְׁמֹר על העינים. דוקא בנו יש הכוח החזק לקיים המצות מפני כוח המס”נ שיש בנו!! ואחר המסירות נפש בוודאי יזכה למתנות מתוקות מן השמים, כמו להיות אָדָם החזק נגד יצרו, שֶׁמַּחֲזִיק מַעֲמָד בְּכָל הַמַּצָּבִים וְשׁוֹמֵר עַל הָעֵינַיִים בכָּל הַנִּסְּיוֹנוֹת שֶׁמּוּלוֹ, וייחשׁב לְצַדִּיק גָּדוֹל, וְיֵשׁ לוֹ מַעֲמָד גָּדוֹל בְּיוֹתֵר אֵצֶל השכינה הקדושה בכל העולמות.
גם ידוע מצדיקים שבִרְגָעִים אֵלּוּ שמתגבר יָכֹל אז לבקש וּלְהִתְפַּלֵּל וְלִזְכּוֹת לִישׁוּעָוֹת גְּדוֹלָוֹת, כֵּיוָן שֶׁבְּרֶגַע זֶה נִמְשַׁךְ עָלָיו אוֹר הַשְּׁכִינָה מְסֻגָּל הזְמַן לְהִתְפַּלֵּל וּלְבַקֵּשׁ בַּקָּשׁוֹתָיו הַנִּצְרָכִים לוֹ “בְּעוֹד עֵינָיו לְמָטַה” וְגוֹבֵר הוּא עַל יִצְרוֹ.
אֵין רְצֹון ד’ ית’ שמו לעד לְהַכְבִיד ולְהַקְשֹות עַל הָּאדָּם וְלַהֲפֹךְ אֶת חַיָּיו לְבִלְתִי נִסְבָּלִים. אדְרַבָּה וְַאדְרַבָּה, הַקָּבָּ”ה מֹורֶה לָּאדָּם לָּלֶכֶת בְדַרְכֹו שֶל עֹולָּם וְלִנְהֹג כְמִנְהַגהָּ, לֹא לִפְרֹש וְלֹא לְהַזִהיר עַצְמֹו מֵאֲכִילָּה ושְתִיָּה ומִשְָאר דַרְכֵי הָּעֹולָּם, אֶלָּא שֶעָלָּיו לַעֲשֹות זֹאת עַל פִי חוקי מִצְוֹות הַתֹורָּה, ולזכור שחכמינו אמרו “אֲל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך” (ברכות כט).
כשאנחנו עוֹבְרִים כָל הנִסְּיוֹנוֹת, ובפרט בשְׁמִירַת עֵינַיִם, ומְנַסִּים לִשְׁמֹר וח”ו נִכְשָׁלִים, וְשׁוּב מְנַסִּים וְנִכְשָׁלִים ח”ו, אֵין זוֹ שום סִבָּה כלל וכלל לְהִתְיָאֵשׁ. וכמובן שצריכים להתחרט ולהמשיך המלחמה עד שמנצחים, וּכפי שכְבָר אָמָר הֶחָכָם, “הָעִקָּר לֹא לְהִתְיָאֵשׁ מִנִּסְּיוֹנוֹת כְּושְׁלִות” אֲפִילּוּ שֶׁנִּכְשַׁלְנוּ וּפָגַמְנוּ ח”ו, אִם יש תְּחוּשָׁה שֶׁל “אוֹי מָה עָשִׂיתִי” והִרְהוּרֵי חֲרָטָה, זֶהוּ סִימָן שֶׁהוּא בדֶּרֶךְ הנְכוֹנָה, כֵּיוָן שֶׁכָּל שֶׁיֵּשׁ לו חֲרָטָה עלַ החֵטְא, אֶפְשָׁר לו לַחֲזֹר בִּתְשׁוּבָה שלמה, אֲפִילּוּ שֶׁהַכִּשְׁלוֹנוֹת רַבִּים עַל הַנִּצְּחוֹנוֹת ח”ו, שׁוּב גם אֶפְשָׁר לְהַתְחִיל ולהצליח.
מְסֻפָּר עַל תַּלְמִיד שֶׁהִגִּיעַ לִשְׁאוֹל אֶת רבו (א’ מצדיקי הדור) עצה מה לעשות כְשָׁנכשל הַרְבֵּה בשמירת עינים, שָׁאַל אוֹתוֹ הָרָב הַאִם יֶשׁ מִקְרִים שֶׁמְנַצֵּח, עֲנָה לּוֹ הַתַּלְמִיד, אָנִי נִכְשָׁל הַרְבֵּה וְנִצְחוֹנוֹתָּי מוּעָטִים, עֲנָה לּוֹ הָרָב בִּזְכוּת נִצְּחוֹנוֹת מֵעַטִים אֶפְשָׁר לְנָצֵחַ לְתָמִיד, רַק תַּמְשִׁיךְ לְהִשְׁתַּדֵּל לְנַצֵחַ, אֵין אָנוּ מְצֻוִּים לְנָצֵחַ
והמשיך להסביר: אָנוּ מְצֻוִּים לְהִלָּחֶם עִם הַיֵּצֶר עָל מְנָת לְנָצֵחַ, אבל הַנִּצָּחוֹן תָּלוּי בְּסִיַּעְתָּא דִּשְׁמַיָּא מְיֻחֶדֶת שֶׁלּא כָּל אֶחָד זוֹכֶה בָהּ “מִיד”, וכְּדֵי להצליח ולֹא לְהִכָּשֵׁל, ולקבל הס”ד הזאת, צָרִיךְ לַעֲמוֹד עַל הַמִּשְׁמָר בלי הפסק, ולהתפלל מעומק הלב, להתעורר לעמוד ולהתחנן לפני שוכן מרומים שירחם ויחוס על נפשנו. וְלֹא לִחְיוֹת בַּתְּחוּשָׁה שֶׁל “אֲנִי כבר בְּסֵדֶר”, אֵלָא לָדַעַת שֶׁתָּמִיד יֵשׁ אֶפְשָׁרוּת שֶׁל כִּשָּׁלוֹן וּנְפִילָה ח”ו. מש”ה אסור להכניס עצמו לשוּם מצב שֶׁל ניסיון שֶׁשָּׂם יֵשׁ אפילו סִכּוּי קטן שׁיוכל להֶיכָּשׁל בנִסָּיוֹן, כמ”ש חז”ל אין אפוטרופוס לעריות (חולין דף י”א) וְאַל תַּאֲמֵן בְּעַצְמָךְ עַד יוֹם מוֹתָךְ. (אבות ב) להשיג הקדושה צריך יגיעה רבה.
הנה תפִלָּה קצרה שכִדי לְהִתְפַּלֵּל בכוונה גדולה בכֹּל יוֹם ובעת הצורך כמה פעמים לְהִתְחַנֵּן לָּהקב”ה מעומק הלב שיעזור לו הקב”ה להצליח לא להיכשל, להשיג הקדושה והכוח לזה מלמעלה.
אבינו שבשמים רַחֶם נָא עָלי וזָכֵּני לִשְׁמֹר אֶת עֵינַי, לְבַל אֶרְאֶה מַרְאוֹת זָרִים ואסורים שֶׁל דְּבָרִים שֶׁלֹּא כִּרְצוֹנְךָ, כִּי בְּלִי עֶזְרָתך מִן השָּׁמַיִם אִי אֶפְשָׁר לִי לְהַצְלִיחַ נגד יצרי וְשלֹא אֶרְאֶה וְלֹא אֶשְׁמַע דָּבָר שֶׁאֵינוֹ הָגוּן אֲפִילּוּ בְּשׁוֹגֵג וּבְלִי כַּוָּנָה, וְיִהְיוּ נָא עֵינָי וְאָזְנַי וְלִבִּי מְקֻדָּשׁוֹת רוֹאוֹת וְשׁוֹמְעוֹת רַק דָּבָר מִצְוָה וְלא שוּם דבר אֲחר, וּתקבל תשובתי וּמחוֹל לִי על מָה שֶׁרָאִיתִי וְשָׁמַעְתִּי וּפָּגמתי שֶׁלֹּא כִּרְצוֹנְךָ, ועֲשֵׂה שֶׁיִּהְיוּ נִשְׁכָּחִים מִמֶּנִי לגמרי במהרה.
{הָרוֹאֶה דָּבָר עֶרְוָה לְפָנָיו וְאֵינוֹ זַן אֶת עֵינָיו מִמֶּנוּ “זוֹכֶה וְרוֹאֶה פְּנֵי שְׁכִינָה”} (דרך אֶרֶץ זוּטָא)
קדושת עם ישראל, היא יסוד היסודות של כל הבריאה כמ”ש (שמות פ’ כה) ועשו לי מקדש ושכנתי בתוכם, ורש”י ז”ל מפרש ועשו לשמי בית קדושה. חז”ל דורשים על הפסוק הזה, ושכנתי בתוכה לא נאמר, אלא בתוכם, בלב של כל אחד ואחד. שכל לב יהודי תמיד יהיה מלא קדושה וטהרה, דהיינו לפרוש מהתאוות, ולהתחזק: כגון בשמירת המחשבה, בשמירת עיניים, בשמירת הברית, ללמוד, ולהתפלל בכוונה, ולהדר בצניעות.
במסילת ישרים כתוב (פ”א) כשהאדם מתעלה, [ברוחניות] העולם מתעלה עמו. וע”י מעשינו הטובים אנחנו גורמים שהקב”ה ישכון בייחד אתנו בעולם הזה השפל החומרי. וכך בונים “הבית של קדושה” ע”פ המעשים טובים שלנו, על ידי כבישת היצר, ע”י לימוד התורה, ע”י התבודדות, ע”י דקדוק המצות
תכלית יצירת העולם היא שיהא להקב”ה דירה בתחתונים, כלשון חז”ל: הקב”ה ברוך הוא “נתאוה” שיהיה לו דירה דווקא בתחתונים, אצל אנשים פשוטים כמונו, שיש להם יצר הרע, ובפרט היצר הרע הידוע שמנסה להכשיל אותנו לדברים של היפך הקדושה, ובכל זאת אנחנו מתגברים עליו, וחיים, חיים של קדושה וטהרה, דבר כזה יש רק בעולם המגושם הזה. וכשאנחנו מתגברים ומצליחים לנצח המלחמה הגדולה, ולחיות חיי צניעות, חיי קדושה וטהרה, זה השמחה הכי גדולה להקב”ה.
לכן ליקטנו כל הנ”ל בקיצור נמרץ מדברי חז”ל בכדי לעורר ולחזק עם ישראל הנמצאים בכל מקום שהם “בשמירת עינים אמיתים” כדי שנוכל להוסיף שמחתנו, בלימוד תורה, בתפילות, בתחנונים, במצות, ובדקדוק המצות, בהשתוקקות ובציפייה, להביא הרגע הגדול, ולהתכונן כיאה וכראוי לקראת ביאת משיח צדקנו, שיגאלנו במהרה גאולת עולם אמן ואמן! יה”ר מלפני אבינו שבשמים שלא תצא שום תקלה על ידינו.
עכשיו נשתדל להביא כמה סיפורי צדיקים המלהיבים את הלב.
מסופר על הגר”א מווילנא זצ”ל שכל פעם שהיה צריך לצאת לרחוב הוא למד 13 פעמים איזה פרק במסילת ישרים, כדי שלא יכשל ברחוב במראה אסורה, וזה הי’ בזמנו, ק”ו בזמנינו. ובספרו אבן שלמה (פרק כא) כותב: הקדושה צריך “יגיעה רבה” להשיגה!
מסופר על הרבי מלובלין זצ”ל שהיה תלמידו של ר’ אלימלך מלוזנסק זצ”ל, פעם אחת נכנס הרבי מלובלין לרבו ר’ אלימלך וראה רבו יושב ומתאנח וגונח, והי’ מאוד בצער, ונתבהל מצער רבו, (דבר שלא ראה אצל רבו) ושאלו ילמדנו רבינו, מה זה ועל מה זה מצטער רבינו? השיב לו, איך לא אצטער ולא אדאג אחרי שבאה עבירה לידי? אחרי ששמע המילים האלו יוצא מפי הק’ של רבו, הוא השתוקק לדעת על איזה עבירה מדובר? והשיב לו ר’ אלימלך בשברון רוח, שנכשל והפסיק בדיבור באמצע התפלה “בשיחת חולין”, אחרי שכבר התחיל הודו (בנוסח ספרד) מתי זה היה? כשבאתה אשה לפניו ובכתה במר נפשה כי בתה מקשה לילד, והפסיק באמצע הודו לשאול אותה מה שמה ושם בתה היולדת, כדי שיוכל להתפלל עליה, רק זה היה כל הפסק בדיבור בשעת התפלה (בשעת הודו). ועל זה הצטער מאוד ר’ אלימלך ומתאנח וגונח. (הלוואי אצלנו רק עבירות כאלו)
אז רצה להרגיע את רבו, והרבי מלובלין שאל אותו: הלוא מדובר כאן בפיקוח נפש ממש, ואז הלא הכל נדחה? וחשב שירגיעו בכך, אבל ר’ אלימלך לא קבל דבריו ולא נתקררה דעתו. שוב אמר לו הרבי מלובלין: שבאמצע הודו הרי מותר ע”פ דין להפסיק, מפני שזה לפני ברוך שאמר, אמר לו ר’ אלימלך אע”פ כן הוא עבירה, יען כי ע”פ נוסח אשכנז בהודו אסור להפסיק, וסוף כל סוף ר’ אלימלך לא קיבל שום תנחומין מתלמדו, והצטער על זה מאוד, ואמר איך יתכן שיצא מתחת ידו מכשול גדול כזה באמצע התפלה ואמר הלוואי שיקבלו תשובתו בשמים על חטא זה. על זה אמר הרבי מלובלין: שצריכים ללמוד מזה, איך להיות “ירא חטא” ולדאוג ולהצטער אפ’ על נדנוד עבירה ח”ו, וצריך לשוב עליה בתשובה שלמה לפניו יתברך שמו (אוהל אלימלך סי’ רצ”ד)
מסופר (בילקוט שמעוני קסא) רבי מתיא בן חרש היה יושב בבית המדרש ועוסק בתורה, והיה זיו פניו דומה לחמה וקלסתר פניו דומה למלאכי השרת, משום שמימיו לא נשא עיניו לאשה בעולם. פעם אחת עבר השטן ונתקנא בו, ואמר אפשר אדם כמו זה לא חטא? אמר השטן לפני הקב”ה ריבונו של עולם, רבי מתיא בן חרש, מה הוא לפניך? אמר לו צדיק גמור הוא, אמר לפניו השטן תן לי רשות ואנסנו, אמר לו הקב”ה אין אתה יכול לו, אף על פי כן אמר לו הקב”ה לשטן לך, הלך ונדמה לו השטן כאשה יפה שלא היה כדמותה מעולם, עמד לפניו, כיוון שראה הצדיק אותו הפך פניו ונתן לאחריו. שוב בא ועמד על צד שמאלו, הפך פניו לצד ימין, היה מתהפך לו מכל צד, אמר מתיא מתיירא אני שמא יתגבר עלי ויחטיאני.
מה עשה ר’ מתיא בן חרש? קרא לתלמיד שהי’ משרת לפניו ואמר לו לך והבא לי אש ומסמר, כיון שהביאם הבעירם באש ושרף את שתי עיניו!!! כיוון שראה השטן כך נזדעזע ונפל לאחוריו.
באותה שעה קרא הקב”ה למלאך רפאל, השר בשמים הממונה על הרפואות, ואמר לו לך לרפא עניו של רבי מתיא בן חרש, בא רפאל ועמד לפניו, אמר לו מתיא מי אתה? אמר לו אני רפאל המלאך ששלחני הקב”ה לרפאות את עיניך, אמר לו הניחני מה שהיה היה, חזר לפני הקב”ה ואמר לו כך אמר לי מתיא, אמר לו הקב”ה לך ואמור לו אני ערב שלא ישלוט בו יצר הרע. ומיד רפה אותו המלאך רפאל.
סיפור נפלא: יהודי אחד עלה באחד הימים לאוטובוס ציבורי בדרכו ליעד מסוים. בעלותו לאוטובוס התיישב באחד הספסלים הקדמיים, אלא שהיות וכמה נשים התיישבו בספסלים שלפניו והוא היה תמיד זהיר מאוד בשמירת עיניים, כדברי רבותינו (נדרים כ: ) “כל הצופה בנשים סופו בא לידי עבירה”, אז מיד קם ממקומו והתיישב באחד הספסלים האחוריים של האוטובוס. במהלך הנסיעה נפלה עליו תרדמה והנה הוא רואה בחלום, כיצד מישהו צועק לעברו: “קום מהר! מתחת לספסל אשר אתה יושב עליו יש חומר נפץ (bomb) קום מהר! מה לך נרדם”?
הוא מיד התעורר בפחד ובבהלה, והחל לבדוק מתחת לספסל האם אכן הדברים נכונים, או שמא סתם חלום הוא. לתדהמתו ראה מתחת לספסל שישב עליו חבילה חשודה. נורא ואיום – חשב בליבו – המצב לא פשוט. חיש מהר רץ בבהלה אל הנהג, והודיע לו שישנו חפץ חשוד באוטובוס (bus) כמובן שהורידו מיד את כל הנוסעים ומיד הזעיקו למקום חברה לפירוק המטען. לאחר בדיקת החבילה התברר בוודאות שאכן מטען חבלה הוא זה, ומיד החלו בנטרול המטען. לא עבר זמן רב ונזדמן האברך לביתו של הסבא קדישא האדמו”ר רבי ישראל אבוחצירא זיע”א ועוד לפני שהספיק האברך לפתוח את פיו ולספר לאדמו”ר על הנס שארע לו, קרא האדמו”ר הקדוש בקול לעברו ואמר לו, אשריך שבזכות שמירת העיניים שלך הצילו מן השמים אֶת כל הנוסעים מגזירה קשה.
עכשיו אחי היקר: אחרי הספורים הנ”ל נא ונא עצור לרגע אחד וחשוב והתבונן! מה גודל כוחה ושכרה של שמירת העיניים? ומה גודל שכרם של אותם – בחורים – ואברכים – הצדיקים השומרים על עיניהם בקדושה וטהרה, במלחמות תמידיות נגד יצרם (הבוער – כאש) ומתגברים!!!
The bio is still on venishmartem and that link works. Your link is corrupted. Check it out.
Is there a reason such a warning was not released for the likes of Meisles’ misconduct? The JBD has yet to publish such a detailed and severe warning on his wrongdoings.
http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1935
Guard your Eyes, if trying to scrub their site of Rosenthal, is not doing a very good job as you can see on this page.
they have now scrubbed him off their page.
Still here as part of an e-newsletter that also highlights how the Agudah has yet another poster boy on their hands who seems to have self-destructed in the tradition of David Schick and others:
http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1935
GuardYourEyes Chizuk E-Mail (No. 644)
Getting stronger every day!
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Monday ~ 13 Kislev, 5770 ~ November 30, 2009
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In Today’s Issue
Tidbits from Rabbi Twerski: One Day at a Time / All My Needs
GYE at the Agudah Convention: Phillip Rosenthal – Addiction Therapist
GYE Gets Mention at the Annual Agudah Convention
The annual Agudas Yisroel convention opened on Thursday night. Among the issues addressed by panels at those sessions and discussed by those who attended them was the persistent and ever-growing dangers posed by the internet and other electronic media in a session entitled:
“Tangled Up in the Web: Real Problems, Real Solutions”
Click here to download the speech of Rabbi Chaim Dovid Zwiebel, Executive Vice President of Agudas Yisroel of America, who spoke at the start of the convention. From 21:30 – 23:30 minutes into the speech, he mentions internet addiction and the challenges of Shmiras Ainayim in today’s world, and how we must face up to these unprecedented challenges. He introduces one of the speakers as an “addiction” therapist, explaining to the crowd that problems of the internet are a real “addiction” issue. The therapist he refers to in his speech is Philip M. Rosenthal, a religious addiction therapist and computer forensic investigator. Phillip spoke at the convention and sent us the following e-mail:
Shavua Tov,
As you may have seen, I did my presentations at the Agudah convention. The first one was very scripted so I was not allowed to vary from what I said. At the second one, I had total control, so I was able to discuss GuardYourEyes at length. I was happy/sad to see that many people were aware of the site.
I appreciate that you have me listed on the site as one of the resources. Rabbi Twerski said to me a while ago, that he was “passing the torch” to me, as he considers me the expert in this field. With that, I would like to know if there is a way that you might possibly make available to the olam the fact that not only do I speak in Yeshivot and other Jewish venues, but I treat the addiction and provide therapy for it. If there were a way to prominently display that on your site, I would be very grateful.
If you are ever planning to be here in the States, I would love to meet you and discuss this issue more in depth. It was a fantastic opportunity for me to finally be allowed to address the Agudah Convention. There is still much work to be done. Your site is an island of sanctuary for those suffering from this unfortunate Yetzer Harah, and through the combined efforts of people like you, there is hope for them.
Rabbi Zweibel mentioned to me that possibly next year, I may get the keynote address. This should be an interesting year.
Please keep in touch!
Kol Tuv,
Philip Rosenthal
Website: http://www.philiprosenthal.org
E-Mail: philip@philiprosenthal.org
If Rabbi Dr. A.J. Twersky indeed endorsed Philip Rosenthal, then he needs to make some sort of public statement.
For the lawyers out there, is it illegal to claim to be offering “therapy” in New York when one is not a licensed psychotherapist?
Seriously,
Not a lawyer, but as far as I know anyone in NYS can claim to provide psychotherapy. But If they are not licensed by NYS, they cannot put a license number on their bills or stationary. Caveat Emptor, look for the NYS license number. Also, Go the the NYS Albany site for a variety of professional providers. Search on the name to verify if the person in question lost a license at some point. If so, the violations that led to loss of license will be specifically enumerated.
At least one school held a $500 registration discount “hostage” if parents did NOT show up to hear him speak.
It would be very interesting to know which one. Please PM me if you are not willing to say it publicly.
Truth is, I don’t know if they actually withheld the discount since I attended his talk rather than risk the $$$.
I don’t understand. Are they not publicly identifying this man or is he Philip Rosenthal. It doesn’t help the public much if his name is not given out. Why would they keep his name private?
This is a good question to ask of Rabbi Hoffman and Rabbi Aron Feldman. It is another half measure, half hearted approach that is quite typical.
With all due respect Yerachmiel, this is not even a half measure. If not for you, it is a zero measure. What these “Gedolim” have done is as useful as the chain phone call my friend in Lakewood got warning him to watch out for his kids safety. He was told that a molester had just moved into his neighborhood. When he asked who it was, he was told “We cannot tell you, it’s Lashon Hara.”
Sdom Va’amora is indeed a fitting description for the cruelty of these rabbis. THEY get to know who to protect THEIR children from, but no other parents get to know.
While there are countless examples of this Sodomite behavior of leaders in our community, allow me to share one more from a recent article by Larry Gordon of the FTJT, where Yair Hoffman writes.
http://5tjt.com/knowing-ronnie-greenwald/
Ronnie Greenwald admits that because of Phil Rosenthal’s innocent wife, he (and Feldman, Hoffman and Gordon) will not warn the community about Rosenthal. Furthermore Ronnie regularly “deals with” cases of abuse (four in just a week so far) by covering them up and protecting their anonymity. For this he is lauded as a protector of children. For decades Ronnie has been the one viewed by the communal “powers that be,” as their go-to man to “deal with” child molesters “shtilla heit”.
Countless children have been raped, molested and abused by the cynical Catholic Church-like “askanim” who want control of all aspects of communal life, such as who gets to know who the molesters are (only powerful insiders), and who does not (the innocent Jewish children who are in danger).
I couldn’t agree more.
I was abused by Rosenthal. It is a real issue.
You need evidence to be a whistleblower. This is just speculation — you’re taking a stab hoping to “break” a story that you know nothing about it. I hope that you are wrong and that your victim is brave enough to sue you. And if you’re right — good guess, go buy a lottery ticket.
No one else even comes close to matching the description on the original article.
This man has helped so many people. Unfortunately when helping all people he has made some enemies. Unfortunately someone can write one article based off of one person and claim things that are not proven. Its so sad that because of one article this man will not be able to continue helping people that need help. It’s ashame everyone trust everything the author said when they probably never met him or asked their own Rav if the author is reliable.
He has not made enemies. He abused many women and many have come forward. You are clearly unaware of what’s been happening and would now like to shove it all under the rug as though it never happened. Well guess what? It happened. And yes, its Philip Rosenthal, that was pretty obvious. This is not the first time the rabbonim called him out on his sketchy practice.
In light of these new sexual allegations does anyone care to know that Dovid weinberger sexual predator is now living and practicing in rabbinic field? He is now in remote place in monsey working with young couples! No one cares! Where are our rabbis parents and police when we need to
Protect our children?? His soninlaw set him up in monsey and after he signed legal documents not to practice he is. There is word that he is planning to come back to five towns where are our rabanim?? Waiting for more casualties ? Shame on u!!
Therapist,
Are you saying that Weinberger has returned to Monsey from Israel?
His son in law davens at a remote shul on Route 45 by the Montvale NJ border that rents space from yeshiva Or Vodaas. The shul has no rov and it seemed at one point last year that Weinberger wanted the job, but then he took off for Israel just after his hiding spot was revealed on blogs.
I think I’m going to start a campaign for MORE unfettered access to Internet. I have definitely gotten a very well-rounded education since getting access to the Web. My worst suspicions about frum society and rabbonim have been confirmed tenfold. These cover-ups could never last if people would only make more use of internet blog coverage and relied less on Mishpacha magazine and Yated for information. What a dope I was all those years, not allowing Internet in my house because I was afraid my sons would watch porn. The danger was not porn addiction, the danger was lack of information about the trustworthiness of rabbonim, (or the lack thereof). The danger was lack of awareness of predators, sexual and otherwise, residing right in my backyard.
Yerachmiel —
Everyone is saying he did nothing illegal. He seduced adult woman aged 18 and older. It was consensual on both sides. The women involved are as guilty as he. No laws were broken.
He impersonated a therapist, that’s illegal right there. In addition, it is illegal for a therapist to have sexual relations with a client for up to 5 years after therapy has ended. Need I continue?
Yes, please do since Hoffman’s report didn’t say he claimed to be a therapist. It was obvious from Hoffman’s report the guy was making sure to remain within the law with whatever he was doing.
Actually Yair Hoffman explicitly stated that he “passed himself off as a therapist”. If this man is indeed Philip then he did do that. In an email linked above he referred to himself as an “addictive therapist” and asked Guard Your Eyes to promote him as such on their website.
It’s not illegal in most states, and even if this occurred in jurisdiction where it is, a court would have a hard time proving he was anyone’s “therapist”. He wasn’t credentialed or licensed, and I’m sure he never handed out receipts for professional services or filed for third-party payments. It is also not illegal to “impersonate a therapist”, as anyone can call themselves a therapist, legally, in most jurisdictions. It is “buyer beware”.
Of course all these rabbis and leaders that keep talkin against sex are the ones that are the most into it lol
The fact that everyone’s starting to point at one person who’s not identifiably charedi makes me very suspicious. In times of panic, it’s easiest to lash out at someone who doesn’t look like (or act like, or have the same background as) you and has somehow “infiltrated” your world. We saw this in Nachalaot and elsewhere. So isn’t it convenient that no warnings were issued for fraudulent, molesting “therapists” who had long beards and hats, and all of a sudden this guy is the devil?
Of course, he may be guilty. Lots of non-charedim are predators. But that just makes it suspicious on another level.
He’s not chareidi but obviously very respected and accepted by the chareidi community.
Let me qualify by saying that he’s as accepted and respected as an outsider can be, sort of like the secular doctors associated with chareidi infertility organizations. I’m not THAT naive to say he’s accepted as an equal or anything like that.
I note that. But he’s still obviously an outsider and thus an easy target.
As I noted in the post, he is indeed an “easier target.” But he would still be protect if he retained the backing of R. Abraham Twerski.
Rabbi twerski stopped supporting him many years ago when the first reports were made. You guys need to get your facts straight.
… plus: If you read Yair Hoffman’s account, his ENTIRE accusation is based on the account of ONE woman. Should you (and others) been so hasty to print this, and then name a suspect?
It’s all true. 2 major 5towns yeshivas cancelled him last minute when they were informed of his predatorial tactics a number oF years ago. He was warned not to treat women after that. Hadn’t heard anything about him since.
Aviva, how many years ago was that exactly? And were the yeshivos in the modern or right wing spectrum? Because I have information that the Agudah was actively pushing Rosenthal’s services on people very recently, as in less than a year ago.
So why is this such a big story all of a sudden now?
All of a sudden everyone is so quick to trust a rabbi! When a Rabbi writes something scandalous everyone listens…This article is based off of one woman who the author “believes”. Let’s check our evidence before jumping to conclusions and naming people.
In NY anyone can call themselves a “therapist”. What you can NOT do is call yourself a “psychotherapist”, or practice psychotherapy, without a license. IOW, I can advertise my professional organizing and de-cluttering services and call myself an “organizing therapist” or a “clutter therapist”.
Quirk of the law, but there it is.
I’m still not convinced that there’s enough out there to virtually convict this guy. Where’s the smoking gun?
On a lighter note, maybe the unnamed expert meant to say that Internet pornography is dangerous, from which it can be inferred that he has no problem with the offline type of shenanigans.
And maybe he never meant that he was a therapist, but was advertising himself as “the rapist.” Totally upfront about his intentions.
But most importantly, and unfortunately, this could still be about anybody. If protecting future victims is paramount, reveal his name now.
Sarcasm is duly noted. 😉
Peaple are suspecting that a competing figure or org possibly out of lakewood ihr hakodesh got jelous of rosenthal backing of the agudah and decided to blow some smoke.
That wouldn’t explain why all sorts of Modern Othodox groups stopped inviting him to speak over the last few years. Lakewood does not influence these sorts of decisions in the modern orthodox world.
The following is from public information:
Philip M. Rosenthal is 57 years old and has ties to NY (Spring Valley, Dobbs Ferry, New City, Brooklyn, New York), MD (Baltimore), WV (Fairmont), DC (Washington), MS (Hattiesburg), WA (Tacoma) and VA (Glen Allen). He has worked for/run the following companies/claimed to work for:
High Technology Crime Investigation Association, National White Collar Crime Center, Nw3c Inc., Rockland County, Rockland Trust Company and U.S.Secret Service.
Civil Court Cases in Rockland County, NY
1) SU-2002-005643
2) SU-2001-006294
3) SU-2000-006044
4) SU-2000-004106
5) SU-1997-001543
6) SU-1994-007827
7) SU-1994-002786
8) SU-1992-000518
There may be others in Rockland and other counties but I cannot confirm that it is the same Philip Rosenthal as there are several people with the same name.
The Civic Court Cases from Rockland County are mostly mortgage stuff and where “PR” was running for elective office.
The real “danger” of the Internet is the threat it poses to the rabbinate’s monopoly over the dissemination of information. That’s why the medium is so hysterically stigmatized in Orthodox circles. It’s also why anything goes if it serves the goal of Internet-bashing.
For what it’s worth — and whether or not he did what the warning alleges — I did attend one of Phil Rosenthal’s ant-Internet presentations several years ago. (To tell the truth, I wouldn’t have gone had not my kids’ school threatened to impose a financial penalty on all parents who didn’t attend.)
In my opinion, at least, the presentation was idiotic. I couldn’t even manage to take meaningful notes, because there was no logical structure to what Rosenthal said. He talked about three quite different sorts of “dangers” but made no effort to keep the topics distinct, instead swooping rapidly from one to another without ever clearly defining the nature of any of the problems, coating the circuitous narrative, meanwhile, in a crescendo of emotionally loaded adjectives. If we didn’t constantly snoop on our kids, it seemed, they’d all be texting compulsively every Shabbos — and if that wasn’t bad enough, they’d be looking at naked pictures!… And if even THAT didn’t terrify you, well, before you knew it they’d be raped by child molesters who’d lure them into secret meetings via chat rooms or email.
It’s hard to do justice here to how disjointed all this was. Honestly, I don’t remember a single word of reasonable advice about any of the “dangers” Rosenthal enumerated: how to keep one’s personal information out of electronic communications, for instance (in those naive days I didn’t think much about Big Brother listening in), or how to recognize symptoms in our children of (possibly) compulsive use of electronic media. But I must qualify what I wrote before. The presentation was idiotic, yes, but the speaker wasn’t. He clearly knew what he was doing. He understood that bombarding the right audience with the right disorganized litany of threats was exactly the way to manipulate his listeners’ fears, and by that means to hold their attention. Much of the audience was eating out of his hand before he was through, and by the end there was a palpable atmosphere of terror in the room. When I couldn’t avoid looking into the faces of some of the Orthodox parents around me, I could see lurid images revolving behind their eyes, and I fear more than one took Rosenthal up on his suggestion to get hold of surveillance software with which to spy on all their kids’ Internet activities.
I think i understand why the rabbinate likes all of this: with luck, young Orthodox Jews can be made to grow up believing that the Internet is an ugly and dangerous place — so much so that if you must access it at all, you can’t dare to do so in any manner not completely controlled by the Powers That Be. Meanwhile, we’re all conditioned to expect rabbinic censorship over our information media. Which allows the rabbinate to continue to control what the Orthodox community can know, and what it can’t. Personally, I find such a prospect more frightening than any of the problems actually posed by the medium.
Mind you, there are genuine hazards connected with the Internet, not least of which are its threats to privacy in communications, the temptation it poses to skip true research and to rely on superficial information, its atomizing of written text (Twitter is a particularly serious offender), and of course its rapid cooptation by the lords of the consumer culture. But I think it’s very revealing that these — the worst dangers most of our kids are likely to face from the Internet — are seldom even mentioned in rabbinic jeremiads. As I try to show in my book, it’s precisely the spread of GOOD information that the Agudah rabbis abominate.
Which is why, like Sheri, I think we should INSIST on using the Internet. Power to the people…
While conceivably we attended different presentations, I don’t remember a palpable atmosphere of terror in the room. Significantly, the girls’ school principal later joked, in public, that all the presentation accomplished was inspire parents to go out and buy the tech devices that the speaker ranted against.
I think the response depended on the modernity/sophistication of the audience.
If you go to the GYE website and look at what the people there are struggling with, you will see that the problem of internet porn is very real and serious and has brought down many people who would otherwise most likely not have fallen. In fact I was told by a compute tech that EVERY computer he has come across in his work, without exception, has been to porn sites. So if rabbis alert the people to these perils, they don’t deserve to be chastised for it since they actually have a valid point.
Harry,
Perhaps those who are likely to seek out computer technicians for help, are also more likely to visit porn sites. That is an absurd statement by your friend “without exception”. “EVERY” computer he has come across, has been to porn sites.
I must confess that i currently have 5 computers, 3 moribund but still kicking and two fairly new ones. and not a one has every visited a porn site. But then, I also have never employed a computer techie to fix problems for me.
Your probably right. ‘Every computer without exception’ seems like an exaggeration. But probably ‘one out of 2’ would be an understatement. I don’t know the exact numbers but the bottom line is that the issue is real and serious and the rabbis have a valid point.
There are couples who use porn to enhance their marital sex. Why assume that visiting porn sites is automatically a “real and serious” issue? Additionally, why assume that someone visiting a porn site is a porn addict? People visit porn sites, people speak loshon hara and people don’t bentch after washing and eating bread. It’s all part of the human condition of imperfection.
Aha. Nothing is a problem, certainly not a serious one. Just chill out ‘porn shmorn’ ‘sin shmin’
So what’s the big deal about this Rosenthal thing? ‘Hypocrite Shmypocrite’
You think it’s a problem to be a sex offender? Who says so? Just chill out and all will be fine. And anyway maybe he’s doing it to improve his marriage.
And theirs too.
I follow your example which asserts that any words which can be uttered can have merit.
Harry, please see what Sheri wrote, below.
Rabbi Twerski and Phil Rosenthal gave a revolutionary internet safety talk together in our city.
It was the same week as the meat scandal in Monsey — they both alluded to that that risk and said that the internet risks are worse. Can we get a current statement from Rabbi Twerski on this now?
I wish Rabbi Twerski would state that he no longer wishes to be in any way associated with Phil Rosenthal. As far as I can determine, he has not recommended Phil to anyone for about 4 years now.
The fact that Rabbi Twerski has not recommended someone doesn’t protect us from continuing to think that he is still endorsed by him. As a photographer who has taken photos at these joint events, I still see them as pals. I’ve also attended seminars since then and people still hold Phil in high regard because of Rabbi/Dr. Twerski’s recommendations.
I agree. Having previously endorsed Rosenthal, A Twerski owed it to those who relied on his judgement to undo it as soon as he no longer had confidence in Phil Rosenthal.
Anyone wishing to contact Rabbi Twerski can do so here:
http://www.abrahamtwerski.com/index.php/about-us/contact-rabbi-dr-twerski
Harry, if you can’t see the difference between watching porn in the privacy of your home without sexually coercing or abusing another human being, and sexually harrassing or abusing another human being, there’s no help for you. Other than that, one can argue whether porn is bad to watch and how bad it really is, but I will take a porn addict who’s not an abuser over a sex abuser any day of the week.
Who says I can’t see the difference? There was a statement made before that we shouldn’t be concerned about certain sins or serious problems and that they’re not really serious and that instead we should attack the rabbis that are concerned about them. To which I replied with a touch of sarcasm (which you seemingly didn’t pick up on) that if we allow ourselves to make any idiotic statement to defend any position we want to defend, and are willing to totally disregard the truth, then we can say even more ridiculous things. And I gave an example of a statement which is indeed more ridiculous, as even you are did managed to realize.
And to that which you say that one can argue whether porn is bad to watch and how bad it really is, my response is that this is a Jewish blog and by the rules of The Torah porn is a sin. Therefore to people for whom The Torah is their guiding light, one can NOT argue that at all. If someone has not accepted The Torah as the guide, then he is arguing with me on something which to me is a basic and a given and needs no proof, which is a level in which I can’t conduct an argument.
The allegations in Yair Hoffman included “Biblical” violations with unmarried and married women. Presumably, therefore, he is talking about issurei dioraisa of intercourse with a Nida or an aishes ish. There is a hierarchy of concerns where such violations are more concerning from a Torah perspective than porn viewing which is not a dioraisa.
as a side note, terms like “idiotic” are not conducive to useful exchanges.
I don’t understand how the existence of a more grave transgression minimizes and takes away the validity of wanting to deal with serious problems, even if there exist violations which are yet more serious.
Watching porn is a dioraisa. If you still maintain that it isn’t, let me know and I’ll explain, but I think you probably know.
Your side note is noted. But what do you do when you feel that you are making a valid point and people are arguing without integrity? Did I minimize the gravity of the issue discussed in this thread? So when someone pretends that I did and argues in a way which implies that I said so, in order to discredit me, it seems that to him winning the argument is more important that an honest discussion. That type of tactic in an argument is also not conducive to useful exchanges, and is actually probably a worse offense in a conversation because it involves the use of deception and trickery in the argument which is the opposite of a useful exchange.
you would get further making your case instead of attacking the intelligence and motives of others.
Ok, so let me try again, and I respectfully request that the folks take my point as I intended it without nit picking and twisting my words, and try to see the validity in what I am saying. This is my point, I repeat:
If you go to the GYE website and look at what the people there are struggling with, you will see that the problem of internet porn is very real and serious and has brought down many people who would otherwise most likely not have fallen. In fact I was told by a compute tech that EVERY computer he has come across in his work, without exception, has been to porn sites. So if rabbis alert the people to these perils, they don’t deserve to be chastised for it since they actually have a valid point.
Harry, I’m sorry for misunderstanding your intent in the previous post. However, if you readit over, you will see that it does appear to indicate a moral equivalence between porn addicts and sex abusers. I hope you would admit that there must be some hierarchy of avaeiros. It’s not possible that they’re all equally bad. For example, had it been true that Meisels hugged one girl but did nothing worse, that would not be considered nearly as bad as what he actually did. So if, as according to you, porn is a big aveirah, still it’s not intellectually dishonest to say porn is far less of an aveirah than sex abuse.
I don’t really see that implication in my words, but if you say that you understood it that way, then let me clarify that sex abuse is by far much worse than viewing porn, beyond question. I will say though that viewing porn is VERY VERY bad, contrary to what some of the folks here seem to think. Additionally, I bet you that most sex abusers view porn too and the porn probably came first simply because it’s more easily accessible. If a person breaks that boundary then he is a boundary breaker in these areas and a step closer to breaking the next boundary. My point was/is that while there is truly a lot to complain about in terms of the positions that many Rabbis take on these matters, we still must be honest and not argue with everything that they say just simply because we are upset with them about other things. Some people will cut their nose off to spite their face and deliberately expose themselves and their children to the worst that the internet has, by allowing free unfiltered access, and ignore the risks involved. They do this with a vengeance to show themselves how much they distrust anything that rabbis say. I detect this in the words of some of the comments here, and particularly the comment which I initially responded to. This is a mistake. Each issue needs to be independently assessed and dealt with according to the realities of the issue rather than by the feelings we have towards some people who raise the issue.
There are unfortunately enough people who would stoop to intercourse but it takes a lot less to transgress a Biblical violation. Cuddling in a certain way is cause for Torah mandated lashes while many types of physical contact are also prohibited by the Torah short of mandating lashes.
Hoffman would also be correct if he was referring to verbal come ons according to some Rishonim as a type of sexual act and according to all Rishonim as far as Lo Sasuru.
But any of the above is sufficient halachic grounds to ban someone from any contact with women.
Theoretically what you are saying is possible, but I strongly doubt it for any of a number of reasons I would rather not disclose.
Harry – There are numerous addictions out there. Internet porn is one of many. There is gambling addiction, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, prescription drug addiction, prescription painkiller addiction, sex addiction, eating addiction, computer games addiction, shopping addiction and many more. Research suggests that some people may more prone to ANY addiction. All of these addictions are hurtful to the person and to their families. All of these addictions take people by surprise, as no one plans to become an addict. Each person who becomes addicted is usually surprised to look back and see that he has become addicted. Any of these things which hurt a person is assur from a Torah perspective if one adheres to the Torah directive “V’nishmartem me’od es nafshoseichem.” Addiction is very harmful. Period. The rabbanim have singled out internet porn addiction because all of a sudden there is a “new” addiction that they are hearing about that they hadn’t dealt with before. But there are 2 things that the rabbanim are missing. One is that most people who get addicted to internet porn would very likely have gotten addicted to something else. The other is that “warning” people about internet porn with an expensive and time consuming asifa, unrealistic bans, and continuously lecturing people until nobody hears it anymore, is not helping anyone. Teaching and educating kids, yes kids, from when they are teenagers to deal with sex, their bodies, and all that comes with it is a lot more productive and will yield better results than internet asifas and “warnings” about the “dangers” out there. The “dangers” are ALL OVER the world. Internet porn is one of many. There are plenty of porn shops around that people can walk right into and find porn to play on the DVD player on their computer, or on the VCR they have at home which is used only to watch wedding videos, or buy porn magazines to look at, etc. Stores used to sell porn magazines at every other deli where people go to buy a soda on their way to work. It’s all over the place. And so are potential addictions. The rabbis are getting bent out of shape because they discovered a new one. They can just as well lecture about internet gambling, another new pitfall for the addictive personality.
Meanwhile, with all the care and concern of the rabbis about men with addictive personalities falling into a new addiction, and with a whole expensive and time consuming asifa about it, what about some little bit of concern and outcry for problems which have never been addressed, which literally kills children, teens, adults, and tears apart families, like, say, childhood sexual abuse? The rabbanim are deafeningly silent about this. It makes many people doubt whether it is really concern for the klal which motivates their actions or their lectures.
Either way, Harry, let’s agree to disagree about this issue. We clearly do not see eye to eye on it, and I doubt either one of us will convince the other.
I don’t so quickly like to agree to disagree, because the purpose of a discussion is to facilitate mutual growth and not for stagnation with each person maintaining exactly his initial position. This requires putting all grudges aside, and not having the need to WIN the argument, but to have a desire to learn and grow.
There are some things in your comment I agree with and some with which I disagree.
You have compared all addictions to each other without recognizing that from a Torah perspective one might be worse than another. Many of the other addictions you mentioned are only bad because they are addictions but a single act of that behavior wouldn’t be bad at all. For instance, a lechaim once in a while over a 1 ounce shot of Shlivovits, is perfectly fine and Shlivovits is only a problem if there is an addiction. Also, while I agree that to get addicted is unhealthy and is the opposite of shmiras hanefesh, putting this drinking under the umbrella of venishmartem meod lenafshosaichem, is not so crystal clear to people. One might say that any specific single drink isn’t dangerous so ….. This is not correct but it isn’t as clear of a transgression of The Torah. Porn on the other hand is different. Besides the addiction it is also a sin in and of itself. Velo sasuru acharei levavchem veacharei ainaichem and it is considered a level of kraiva laroyos. See shulchan aruch even haezer 21,1.
Furthermore, sex is a much bigger yetzer hora than the other behaviors you mentioned and has a much greater pull. In bachurim going off the D, sexuality is usually a component but alcohol or any of the others you mentioned is not necessarily.
So it isn’t only silliness and ignorance which causes rabbis to address this more than the others but there is good reason.
What you say about the approach that the rabbis take for this, I agree that it doesn’t sufficiently address the problem and that ‘banning’ alone is not enough, but the awareness that was created was valuable in the sense that it motivates people to create their own boundaries which certainly need to exist. And even though the problem is, as you correctly say, ALL OVER the world, that doesn’t mean that we should take it all in and be metamey our nefesh. Since it is all over the world, we must try to devise the best boundaries we can, and this awareness is what is accomplished by the warnings of the dangers. I agree with you that more needs to be done in terms of education.
That which you say about the fact that so little concern is shown by rabbis about the pain of those who were sexually abused and their deafening silence, I agree with you, and I too am outraged about it. But the answer isn’t that they should also remain silent about other problems because 2 wrongs don’t make a right. The answer is that they should correct their position about abuse.
About 20 years, several doctors in a helige town in NJ had printed and were prepared to mail out a pamphlet on domestic violence to the frum kehiilah. They were told in no uncertain that any doctor who dared to mail out this pamphlet would be totally banned and would be driven out of town. The ‘reason’ offered was because there was no domestic violence in that heilge town and to suggest otherwise was a ‘chillul Hashem’
In heilige towns in NJ and NY and probably elsewhere, the pediatrician who won’t report cases of suspected violence gets all the patients.
The doctors who do report suspected abuse are driven out of business.
This is a true case of slander. I have sent many people to Phil’s office and have gone there on several occassions. He has working cameras in ALL offcies and sections of the rooms where he does therapy in order to make sure that no one can claim improper behavior. False claims and rumors are so easily believed. Check your facts before you destroy an innocent mans life. who has helped 1,000’s of people. In addition, his office is in his home in monsey, NOT the five towns, and his family is always milling around. This article should be redacted and an official apology be sent his way.
Bizarrely, one female client of Phil’s told me he told her that he shows all his videos to his wife. I am baffled If he does do that he is violating client confidentiality. However, it is possible he doesn’t or it is even possible that the cameras actually aren’t real or aren’t recording.
If Sara is telling the truth, which is highly probable, then it’s good Phil’s name is now out there regardless if Yair and Larry and Feldman are covering it up.
Sara, I would not ask for any private info that would identify you, but if you could comment on the videotaping claim and/or anything else you could add about his modus operendi would be most helpful. Not only in warning people, but also in educating us in how these abusers operate.
Yetachmiel, breaking confidentiality would be the least of his ethical/moral predatory behavior. In these cases, like with Mordechai Tendler, there is no legal resource, neither criminal or civil, for a victim to take For justice. A judge ruled in the case of “Rabbi” Tendler, that since it involved two consenting adults, and rabbis are not licensed professionals, it was a csae of buyer beware.
The only thing that can and should be done is to spread the warning far and wide as Yerachmiel and Adkan do. Why the community, ( including in this case the Guard Your Eyes website) chooses to protect him is makes them accomplices after the fact.
The cynical hypocrisy of the Gedolim of Agudas Yisroel knows no bounds. They make an Asifa to ban the interner, but promote a website that covers up and allows the silent resignation of a dangerous Rosha. Apparently, this kind evil behavior is necessary in order to get their hechsher.
It is sick, and getting sicker.
People check your facts, the camera that therapists have in their offices, DO NOT show to client, but rather the therapist. Therefore Phil showing his wife the film, onyly serves to show is propriety and not violate any confidentiality agreemenet. Furthermore, if indeed it was him and he was such a danger then the authorities would call hi out by names, not some moron giving a vague warning about a vague person. Awful that anyone that acuse anyone else.of whatever it is they want to say. He spends his days and nights saving men and women from suicide attempts and their abusers. He is not the one they are warning people about. I serve on the police force in the area, and if he was a threat, we would have been put on alert. So everyone on this forum should get a life and move in
Most therapists do not have cameras. That is creepy.
I agree that R. Yair Hoffman should have used a name in his article.
“He spends his days and nights saving… blah, blah, blah.” I am used to this sort of deification of dubious characters in other cases and not persuaded by it.
I have no idea if you do or don’t serve in the police, as you claim. However, if so, you would know that the alleged misconduct of PR is not illegal. Just if true, immoral and harmful. The police, if properly trained and disciplined, respect constitutional rights including the right to do harmful things as long as they are legal. So you are misrepresenting yourself as a police person or you are dishonest in your arguments.
Phil Rosenthal is not in the 5 Towns. He has an office in his basement in Monsey and an office in Brooklyn. The cameras are rolling and not recording. I’ve seen them myself.
I never said he lived or had his office in the 5T.
I am puzzled by having cameras “rolling but not recording.”
I am also a victim of PHILIP R – he is an evil evil monster
He plays horrible manipulative mind games and all in the name of trying to help. He plays on your inadequacies and makes sexual comments throughout every session. His real life examples to prove a point are ALWAYS sexual. I could write a list!
So yes he thinks he is helpful, and yes he makes himself available at all hours to help those in need but all for a twisted mind game which he gets off from. And then when it gets physical……..!
I went to him too. He had a camera in the room and I only would pay him cash. Please get him in jail. 😦