Thank You for the Apology, But About Tznius… – Guest Post by Asher Lovy

The apology was appropriately contrite and apologetic, but Dr. Shkop stuck by her position that posting about sex abuse on Facebook is a breach of tznius and fundamentally unsafe. I think that merits further discussion.

The idea of invoking the concept of tznius in this situation is itself distasteful to survivors. Basically what that position implies is that it’s dirty laundry. Why air your dirty laundry? Publicizing the fact that one is a survivor is therefore immodest because you are drawing attention to a part of yourself that no one should see, much like wearing a miniskirt would, according to the laws of tznius, be showing the world more than they should be seeing. But that implies a certain degree of shame. It smacks of the stigma we’re working so hard to break. Having been sexually abused is not shameful; being a sexual abuser is shameful. Survivors should hold their heads high and feel comfortable coming out with their pasts because the fact that they still survive, and transcend, and thrive is truly admirable. There is nothing shameful or immodest about it, and yet, people still feel otherwise. Continue reading