Leading Rabbis: Don’t Call 911! (SATIRE/PARODY)- from the Archives (2012)

911 dont call 2Leading Rabbis: Don’t Call 911! (SATIRE/PARODY)

Michoel Macher, Special Corespondent for the Jewish Depress

Rabbi Jacob Perlow, Head of the Moetzes of Agudath Israel of America advised his members not to call 911 even if chased by a knife wielding murderer. He explained that this leads to confusion about mesirah (snitching). If people can take it upon themselves to decide when to call 911 on potential murderers they may also decide on their own to call the authorities about molesters. Instead they should call Hatzalah, the Shomrim or their personal posek. Hatzalah and Shomrim will in turn consult, as needed, with poskim.  Before calling 911 a determination needs to be made whether the threat comes from a Jew or a non-Jew, whether that person can be induced to do tshuvah, and whether the potential assailant is likely to do this again. Rabbi Perlow declared, “These are complicated questions beyond dass baalabatim (the knowledge of lay people). Instead frum Jews should rely on daas torah, most of which is concentrated inside the Moetzes.

Rabbi Perlow assured this reporter that responses to question will be delivered on a timely basis. However, he emphasized that there is some tradeoff between quick decisions and good decisions. He recognized that the wait can be excruciating for someone in middle of being stabbed 59 times in his abdomen but consoled them with the thought that those who sacrifice for torah observance will eventually be rewarded. For the stabbing victim that reward might come very quickly.

Shomrim representative Mr Yitzchok Shpeter said he would share videos with the police when halachically justified and when it would not hurt any marriages. He was asked about whether he would turn over tapes when a husband killed a wife. He evaded the question and said, “You are showing a negative outlook. We try to be positive and concentrate on shalom bayis (marital harmony).”  He angrily terminated the interview Continue reading

A Shadchan Evaluates Esther on Shushan Purim (Satire)

Guest Post by Raizy Handler

Look, she has to be realistic. She married a goy. She has a son from a previous marriage. Not everyone’s gonna be okay with that.

Maybe she had no choice, but do you really ever have no choice? I’m just saying. I’m just gonna be honest with you, because I don’t wanna waste your time or my time.

She’s a partier, she likes partying. You know, people are gonna have questions about that. There’s a lot of questionable things, you know… There were some real bad influences at those parties. Anti-Semites. That’s what I hear. What can I tell you. I don’t know, I don’t know what to believe. Continue reading

Taryag-Test ® Now Available for Home Use (SATIRE)

By Yerachmiel Lopin and Enigma4u 

How often have you wondered

  • Does that potential shidduch carry any diseases or yichus defects?
  • Is that new produce item Ha’etz or Ha’adama?
  • Is my mezuzah kosher or silk screened in China?
  • Is that stain rechem or hemorrhoids?
  • Is that rash on my baby herpes from the mohel?
  • Can I fulfill mochoh timcheh on my goy neighbor because he is mamash Amalek?
  • Is my butcher pulling a Monsey Moshe Finkel?

Are you tired of shlepping your UGG’s to the Shatnez lab and the bedikah cloth to the rav? Are you losing sleep and time worrying about that proposed shidduch?

Introducing the Taryag Test mini-lab for your home. Using our patented Chareidi Advisor Testing Technology (CATT SCAN) it empowers the frum consumer to quickly resolve important halachic questions. Continue reading

Satire from the Frum Follies Archives ‘Cause It’s Adar

I started Frum Follies in 2009, intending to fight child sex abuse by mocking the community’s response with satire. Hence the blog name. But serious stuff intervened and compelled me to straight reporting and writing opinion pieces. These days, I don’t post much satire, but occasionally my puckish sense of humor just has to get out. Other times, very real problems are so obviously absurd and satire is the best way to demonstrate this. Whatever the promptings, the lead up to Purim is a good time for satire. Read, enjoy, and share this selection of my satire postings over the years.

Job Openings at Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community School

 New Insane Kosher Certifications

Rabbi Frankfurter Creates the Save a Mamzer Foundation

Train To Become An Internet Goy™

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