Satire from the Archives for Purim

New Insane Kosher Certifications

Rabbi Frankfurter Creates the Save a Mamzer Foundation

Train To Become An Internet Goy™

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A Kosher for Passover Pesticide!

Pesticide- Certified Kosher for Passover

Pesticide- Certified Kosher for Passover

It is hard to believe but it is true. A pesticide which is not even supposed to be used indoors was certified kosher for passover. I am not just posting this to mock it. I want to ask how did it become OK for the OU to certify toilet cleaners and others to certify pesticides. It makes a mockery of kosher. It exposes kosher agencies as mercenaries willing to sell their stamp for a few bucks even when there is no possible rationale for requiring certification.

When I first spotted the kosher pesticide I wrote on FaceBook, “If anyone got paid for this hashgochah they should be forced to eat it.” I take that back. I really don’t want anyone’s death on my conscience. Continue reading

Belsky is 0 for 2 on the Kolkos and Yet He’s the OU’s Posek

Rabbi Yisroel Belsky has twice declared Kolkos innocent of sex abuse charges to then be proven wrong when they pled guilty in court. (Joel (Yehuda) Kolko  & Yosef Kolko)

Anyone can make a mistake. Any fool can keep making the same mistake. But Rabbi Belsky is no fool. He is a great lamdan (scholar of rabbinics).

He is a very smart man who makes it his business not to know the truth by refusing to talk to accusers. As he explained to an askan (community activist) ‘I talked to Yudi Kolko and I can tell he is innocent.’

This sort of arrogant assertion of discernment is damning enough in a layman. But Continue reading

OKDK (OhKeeDoKee) Announces Enhanced Hashgachah (Satire)

As reported in Vosizneias, serious losses were suffered at the Kosher Fest held in Seacaucus, NJ, October 27-28. Three men claiming to be Costco buyers accepted money from kosher food manufacturers in return for buying their products. It turns out that these so called buyers were using false names and had no connection to Costco.

The OKD kashruth agency has announced that it will arrange to bribe buyers directly sparing the manufacturers the extra work and the risks involved in dealing with unknown elements. This exposes the risks of relying on amateurs in matters of kashrus. No one relies on home salting of meat any more. Why should scrupulous manufacturers risk bribing on their own. Our outstanding database of buyers and knowledge of prevailing rates is just another service you can depend on with our hashgachah Continue reading