Alan Dershowitz Announces a Sequel to His Best-Seller, “Chutzpah” (Satire/Parody)

Alan Dershowitz (photo by Sage Ross) GNU License

Alan Dershowitz (photo by Sage Ross) GNU License

Back in 2012 I posted a satire about Dershowitz in connection with his defense of Hasidic pervert, Baruch Lebovits. Eventually Lebovits pled guilty to eight felony counts of oral sex with a minor. Dershowitz is back in the news with allegations that he had sex with minors procured for him by convicted child sex abuser, Jeffrey Epstein. (Epstein is one of a number of his child molesting clients along with Roman Polanski, Baruch Lanner, and Lebovits.) As is his style, Dershowitz is fighting back. I am reserving judgement on who to believe, but either way I find Dershowitz unsavory. It seemed like time to re-post this oldie but goodie.

Alan Dershowitz has signed a contract for a sequel to his best-selling book with Little, Brown & Co for a two million dollar  advance. In his first book, Chutzpah, published in 1992, he argued that “U.S. Jewry should shed its second-class citizenship syndrome and show a little chutzpah in defining its relationship with gentile, Christian America.” His new book is tentatively titled, Much More Chutzpah: How Satmar Hasidim Do It. He intends to show how Satmar has mastered the art of sticking it to gentiles and Jews alike.

In an interview with this reporter from Publishers Weekly, Dershowitz said,

These guys are fearless. The whole world is condemning them from the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal to the New York Jewish Week, the Jewish Press, and the orthodox Rabbinical Council of America. They don’t give a damn. Hasidim have fire in their bellies and rocks in their hands.

Move over Meir Kahane. These guys make him look like a pussy. In the outside world Jews politely debate Israel policy. In Williamsburg I almost got lynched when I forgot to remove the Israeli flag from my lapel. But then  my good friends David Niederman and Moshe Friedman announced “He’s a Zionist mamzer but he’s Satmar’s mamzer; he is going to defend our molester, Nechemya and protect our real estate from victim lawsuits.” Then I was treated to some real Satmar chesed (kindness). Continue reading

She Knew She Was in Trouble When Weberman Closed the Bedroom Door

Nechemya Weberman in Kings County Supreme Court on 3-25-11 (photo credit Joseph Diangello)

Nechemya Weberman waiting outside courtroom while his relative shot photos of victim supporters who were Hasidim to circulate around Hasidic community to intimidate them.

From my archives of 9/20/12. First posted in the lead-up to Nechemya
Weberman’s trial which concluded with a 103-year sentence.

She was a bad girl. Was it because she talked to boys, or she was dressing too fashionably, or she asked too many questions? That didn’t matter. She was bad and the vaad hatznius (modesty committee) of Williamsburg was willing to fix her, for a hefty fee, of course. The alternative was being stuck with a reputation as a nebbish (loser), an oiysvorf (outcast), and a shiksa (gentile). Once you acquired that reputation no decent family would let you marry their son.

Her family’s last hope was a “Torah therapist” who could change her into a good girl. She didn’t know what to expect. But she assumed he would counsel her with words of Torah. He would be a rabbi with a reputation for being zealous about torah and tznius (modesty). That of course meant he would scrupulously observe all the halachos (rules) and minhagim (customs) governing relations between men and women. She was only twelve, just a bat mitzvah, and thus liable for violating any of the halachos applying to a grown woman.

She knew the rules. Din yichud, the rule of seclusion, prohibits an unrelated man and woman from being alone in a closed room. She grew up with those rules. She knew how to avoid violations of yichud. You had to leave a door open if it didn’t have a window. A full door would only be closed if you both knew that someone else could pass through the room unannounced. Then there was tznius, the covering of one’s body from neckline to elbow to below the knee. There was also negiah, the rule against contact with the other sex. On the streets she saw gentile men and women touching each other. But Hasidim didn’t do that. Hasidim even avoided casually talking with the opposite sex. Hasidim were tznuah, shomerei negiah and medakdek (particularly careful) about yichud.

She went to an apartment building on Classon Avenue. She went into a small apartment with just a living room/dining room and a small bedroom off to the side. The Torah therapy was going to happen in the bedroom. It had a bed, some chairs and a video player. Then he closed the door. It was just her and the “Torah therapist” in a closed room.

I am trying to imagine the shock. She probably wanted to be somewhere else. She was probably scared. She was probably anxious, very anxious. She knew this was her last chance to avoid being thrown out of school. She couldn’t complain and she couldn’t argue. She had no one to back her and only the Torah therapist in front of her.

I wonder if she asked herself, “Is this my punishment for being a bad girl? Did they send me to this closed room because bad girls aren’t protected by din yichud? Can vaad hatznius (modesty committee) rabbis do anything they want with bad girls?

They abandoned her the moment the door closed. Even if nothing else happened during that first visit she now knew she wasn’t going to be protected by din yichud. She was on her own against someone who made his own rules, someone who could fix her reputation or destroy it.

In a different world all these girls would have known the cardinal rule: “If he makes me uncomfortable, get away, call for help, and tell my parents.” Perhaps a few complained and no one listened to them. Maybe they didn’t listen because they feared the vaad or were being paid by the vaad. Perhaps, others were so prejudiced against these girls that they ignored their complaints. Perhaps, most frightening of all, these girls just surrendered. Weberman had them where he wanted them and he proceeded to shred the shulchan aruch (the Code of Jewish law) as he violated their innocence.

When Weberman got arrested Continue reading

The Hasidic Definition of “Innocent Until Proven Guilty” Which Is Not Understood By Reporters

From the Frum Follies archives. First posted 3/14/2013

Ask the Hasid on the street, “I know you say Nechemya Weberman is innocent, but what if he is guilty?” Without hesitation she or he will say, “Then let him rot in jail.” They really mean it. But they will never publicly participate in the criminal justice system to attain that goal. In fact, even after they are convinced of guilt, as many are in Weberman’s case, they will continue to participate in the charade of protests, fundraisers for legal appeals, and pious lamentations about the tragedy of a harsh sentence imposed on a Jew. They will even claim that secular juries are so prejudiced against Hasidim that there is no such thing as a fair trial for Hasid.  Even when they think a verdict is correct they consider it an accident of justice. They will privately rejoice in this accident of secular justice but will go right on trashing secular authorities. This is hardly surprising,  contemporary Hasidism is based upon rejecting most of secular society, especially its culture and criminal justice system.

Even when Hasidim say, “Let him rot in jail,” they aren’t thinking about a sentence of ten years, let alone twenty, thirty, forty or 103 years. I hear people saying, “Sure he is guilty, but why can’t they give him just a few years in jail?” They forget that Weberman could have pleaded guilty and gotten a five-year sentence. They are ignoring that fact that a long sentence is typical for these sorts of charges after conviction at a trial. They are even ignoring the fact that if all his hundreds of victims had come forward his likely sentence of 103 years would translate into just a year per victim  or just a week for each act of molestation.

The thing that does convince Hasidim of the guilt of one of their own is a complaint by another of their own shared privately by someone who has honored the code of omerta. Continue reading

She Knew She Was in Trouble When Weberman Closed the Bedroom Door

Nechemya Weberman in Kings County Supreme Court on 3-25-11 (photo credit Joseph Diangello)

Nechemya Weberman in Kings County Supreme Court on 3-25-11 (photo credit Joseph Diangello)

I first posted this article a year ago on 9/20/12 in anticipation of the trial of Rabbi (sic) Nechemya Weberman. This version was lightly copy edited and includes links not in the original article, and an epilogue.

She was a bad girl. Was it because she talked to boys, or she was dressing too fashionably, or she asked too many questions? That didn’t matter. She was bad and the vaad hatznius (modesty committee) of Williamsburg was willing to fix her, for a hefty fee, of course. The alternative was being stuck with a reputation as a nebbish (loser), an oiysvorf (outcast), and a shiksa (gentile). Once you you acquired that reputation, no decent family would let you marry their son.

Her family’s last hope Continue reading

Will Zaali Satmar Go All Perv, All the Way?

UPDATE (9-10-13)- Yes, Zaali Satmar went all perv all the way, endorsing Charles Hynes at the last moment. Their City Council candidate, Vito Lopez, conformed perfectly to Satmar views with a flyer claiming 95% of all sex harassment claims are false. This is a bashert shidduch.

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The Satmar faction of Rabbi Zalman Leib (Zaali) Teitelbaum has just issued its endorsements for tomorrow’s Democratic Primary elections. They have endorsed Vito Lopez also known as Vito Gropez after he was censured by the ethics committee of the New York State Assembly for vile groping and sex harassment of his female staffers. Gropez is out of the Assembly and is running for a seat in the New York City Council. Zaali Satmar cares about their various corrupt arrangements with this Brooklyn powerhouse. So they have endorsed him.

The surprise in their endorsement sheet is that they still have not come out for either candidate in the Brooklyn DA race. Continue reading